Over 20 years losing mum

Hi, not sure if anyone else has been in my situation that could maybe provide some help to cope.

I lost my mum a week after my 9th birthday, she had leukaemia and was diagnosed 10 months after my birth, I am now 31. My mum was always in and out of hospital due to her diagnosis required oxygen 24/7 and was in remission at the time of her death.

I was with her the day she died as I did not go to school that day, I still see the look on her face when she couldn’t get her breath and the moment I was told. I don’t feel like I can do to a therapist as I’m not good at talking about my issues face-to-face. I have had several attempts at suicide since the age of 18 and use alcohol to try and block things out.

About 2 years ago I had been out drinking with friends and blacked out - I awoke in the sea. I feel like I’m not in control of mind at times and this really scares me!

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I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum, @Buckfife93. Sadly, you are not alone. Many of our members have lost their parents as a child. If you click the magnifying glass at the top, you can read some of their threads. You can also click this link.

We know that grief can be so painful to cope with. But it’s important that you reach out for support with your mental health and drinking; you matter and you don’t have to do this alone.

  • The NHS website has a guide on getting support with alcohol issues.
  • Alcohol Change offers support to people who are experiencing issues with alcohol.
  • Drinkline is a free, confidential helpline for people who are concerned about their drinking, or someone else’s. Call 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am–8pm, weekends 11am–4pm)

The Samaritans are also always there for you, day or night, on 116 123

I hope you find the community to be a support to you and you are able to reach out for extra support, too.

Take good care,

I’m so sorry for your loss at such a young age. My mum and nanna died 3 months apart of cancer when I was 19 years old and I’ve never got over it. I use antidepressants and wine on a daily basis to get through still and I’m now 44. Even though I know it’s not good for me I still do it because I don’t know how to cope otherwise.