Im feeling so lost and unsettled. It has been 7 weeks since my husband passed but feels like yesterday. Because of all the things to do i dont feel like i have been able to just think about him …but at the same time i just want to close my mind. Im going round in circles and achieving nothing
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Hi Easter
I really get what you say about wanting to close your mind. I just want to slow down and be content again for a moment but I can’t. If I stop the loss of him overwhelms me and I break down.
Thats it exactly Debzz…i go from feeling i should be doing something (unlike others i dont feel that urge to clean unfortunately) to breaking down into tears. I just want peace in my mind but its just not there
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I am doing the projects that needed doing when he was here. For example clearing stuff out of loft and now laying some stones in garden and pulling out dead plants. All things we wanted to do but would put off and go for a meal or a drive/walk etc or just watch a film. I am just trying to achieve I guess to stop the thoughts but it is exhausting. As a qualified counsellor I can hear myself telling me to sit in my grief, take one hour at a time etc but putting it in to practice when my heart is broken is just not possible.
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Please take care of yourself
You are not supposed to achieve anything in grief. This is your personal lie-down time.
One year is the least amount of time before one feels normal. I was insane to start pushing myself to trim down after my mother died, sending myself to the pool. It was so heartless of me to myself.
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I am still going round in circles and not achieving hardly anything two years four months after he died.
I suppose I do something’s but so slow and having too much to do and not enough strength.
I swept the outside paths in the garden.
They need power washing and they are black.
It seems I only cook wash up and struggle to get much done. I went to the local shop and the lady helped me carry it to the car as they had no trolleys.
Then I have put it away. Not a lot really.
Then paying the bills.
The endless things my husband used to do. Then single people tell me they have never been married so always had to do it which makes me feel a right nincompoop.
After all it is true they have. So why do I find it so tricky? Other widows say their husband never did anything so no difference. My husband wanted to do everything. I couldn’t be bothered to disagree. He used to take me places and pick me up. I used to work full time but he had always helped me even in my job when I had a lot to do. I realise he was unusual.
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Don’t feel like a nincompoop 
. Your husband sounds like my dad. He took control of everything, and it’s been really difficult supporting my mum after his sudden and unexpected death, because he just did so much, for the 51 years that they were together. I’ve tried to bridge the gap, making sure that things get done that need doing, while also training, helping and encouraging my mum. I can’t imagine what a massive adjustment it must be. In a partnership, people can end up in very defined roles. It’s efficient and it makes sense. So when the other half of the unit is suddenly no longer there, it’s overwhelming. For me, it felt a bit like in work when a boss had suddenly gone on sick leave and I’m trying to work out what needs doing and how. It’s tough. 
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Yes that is a good analogy about being in a job with the boss suddenly off sick.
Other people I know didn’t do everything always paying gardeners, cleaning companies etc.
My neighbour for one wouldn’t dream of cleaning her car herself or even walking the dog more than once a day before the dog died.
I try to chop bushes while hers are professionally manicured. Mine look a bit hit and miss. I enjoy the gardening trying to grow some flowers from seeds and potting them on. When my car is dirty I get a bucket of water and a car brush and clean it using an old t shirt to buff it up.
I bought myself a cheap bunch of flowers and put them into three vases.
I tried having shopping delivered but I didnt get what I wanted, half was missing or substituted and it was twice as expensive.
I try to do the front garden because that way I can meet people going by and dogs come by for a pat. Same with the car.
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Just do the things you absolutely have to first. At 2 months in, you’re still probably in shock. I was numb for 4 months till it hit. This year, I’m plain tired from last year’s frantic pace. Try and take care of yourself first. Everything else will somehow fall into place at its own pace.