Overwhelmed

I am new to this site my husband passed away in August he was 52 catastrophic heart attack.Cant seem to make sense of it no warning no illness before hand. We were married for 31 years together 33 he was my best friend. Wish we had more time to talk to each other can’t come to terms with what’s happened. Dealing with all the aftermath funeral eye now banks they have no concept no empathy I am a loss for the human race. I keep getting told one day at a time but really don’t want to be here .

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Hi @Sharon123, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and best friend. It is so hard when it’s sudden and no warning. I know you don’t want to be here but you have to as they would want us too. I lost my husband on 29th Feb. He was fit and well until the 20th January when I told him to go to the doctor as had had a few headaches. Within 6hrs he was in hospital diagnosed with Brain, Stomach and Lung cancer and was dead in 5wks. My whole world fell apart as we were only married just over 2years. You are still in the very early stages of your grief and I can’t lie, it is a horrible bumpy long road. Please use this group to support as they are all in the same boat as us. You will get through this with help and support. My thoughts are with you. Sending massive hugs
Shona

Oh sweetheart. I know that feeling, when life has no meaning, but it does you know. One day you will be glad you are still here. It seems hard to accept that now, I know. When my husband died, I just wanted to die too. That is natural and you will see it on this site time and time again. But I feel that dying would let them down because they would only want us to live and be happy. No, life will never be the same again but we have to make a new and fulfilling life for ourselves or what was all that loving for?
I lost my husband four months ago and I felt exactly the same as you for ages. But I looked at my lovely family and friends and knew that Tony would be devastated if I did that to them.
Keep going on with your life, for him. If you can’t manage day by day, then try minute by minute, but don’t give up.
I found it a help to keep a memory book of him and our lives together. I write all my private thoughts in there - how much I love him, how much I miss him, memories of things we and anything else that’s relevant. It works for me. It doesn’t take the pain away, of course it doesn’t, but I always feel a bit better when I write it.
So, good luck. We are all here for you so keep posting!
Hugs, Ann x

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Hi Sharon123, my story is similar to yours I lost my husband of 42 years in June, and although he had had cancer surgery, he died suddenly.
It is only this week I have started to recognise I am still in shock. I can’t believe he has gone and like you my loss is devastating. I wake every morning and wonder how I am going to carry on but there are two reasons why I will.
The first is my grown up daughters and keeping strong for them and my cat. She was my husbands and he loved her too! There are friends and family who have been so good. Secondly, my husband used to say that if he died first I was to carry on I said I would so I will. Your husband would want that too so we all get through their loss together. It will take time, courage and strength for you and I, and we will get to a point where we smile instead of crying at the memories.
Big hug x

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I’m currently also having to deal with Karen’s banks and pension company. I have no idea why they need to make the formalities so difficult at a time when the last thing you want to do is to deal with the paperwork.
I hope you will be able to resolve the paperwork soon and then be able to grieve without this hassle

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Thank you for all your comments still day to day. Trying to hold on for the kids but it’s so hard how do you continue to function keep thinking he’s coming back his birthday was last week 53 he wouldve been too young we had so many plans .

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Hi Sharon

Just wanted to let you know that I hear you and I hear your pain x

33 years of love is a lifetime so no wonder you are struggling to come to terms with such an unexpected loss, at such a young age.

Acknowledging your feelings is good and there is no wrong, or right. I had an awful experience on the death of my husband ( at 62 ), until his funeral 5 weeks later and only had two weeks to come to terms with what was happening ( based on my own gut feeling ), even though his terminal status was not confirmed until the Doctor who came to arrange the Respect Form an hour before he sadly passed confirmed he was at end of life. This was my husband’s way of managing his illness and I respected and supported that, even though he thought he was fooling me to believe he was getting better.

I am now starting to feel the sadness, hurt and anger but am naming and owning these emotions, in the hope that they get me through, as only I can process my O-W-N grief, just as only you can process yours, In your own unique way and timescale.

Sally x

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Thank you Sally, you seem to have said exactly how I feel too. It really is an ongoing rollercoaster of emotions and it is with credit to all of us that we try and get through this as best we can.
One other thing is the loneliness you can’t live with someone you love for 30 to 40 years + and not feel alone and unable to cope. It really is so hard.
Xx

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Thank you Sally I’m so sorry for your loss of your husband I suppose it doesn’t matter age of person it’s the total loss of partner friend. It is so difficult to keep.going miss him so much we were just best friends as I am sure you were with your husband sending big hugs sharon x

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Absobloominlootly 1978 . . . It was always just the two of us, we were very insular and were just happy together. We both retired ( early ) in July last year so at least got to enjoy every momento of a year of ( a simple ) retirement together, which is denied to many people so I know I have many things to be grateful for.

I am thinking of you and am always here, as a fellow early widow, if you want to talk . . . happy, sad, or anywhere in-between x

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Absobloominlootly 1978 . . . It was always just the two of us, we were very insular and were just happy together. We both retired ( early ) in July last year so at least got to enjoy every momento of a year of ( a simple ) retirement together, which is denied to many people so I know I have many things to be grateful for.

I am thinking of you and am always here, as a fellow early widow, if you want to talk . . . happy, sad, or anywhere in-between x

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Apologies Sharon, I didn’t realise I had had two replies so my first reply was for someone else ( in error . . . Widow Brain ! )

I am always here to talk to you too as a young(ish!) widow in the early stages of coming to terms with life without the love of my life and whatever that means for me x

Right back at ya with the B-I-G (((((H-U-G-S))))) x

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Hi @RichardM, the banks,building societies and in fact everyone you have to deal with just make it so hard when as you say, at a time when it’s the last thing you want to be doing. My daughter found me in hysterics one day just because I was getting nowhere and everybody seemed to want so much security and evidence of his death. I was not his executor as because it was so sudden we never got his will changed after we got married (2yrs) so that made it even harder plus Covid as well. I really sympathise with anyone trying to sort out an estate or even change a name on something.
Shona

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:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
I agree Sharon, banks are cold hearted and do not care about their customers. When our son has fully recovered from Covid-19 he is going to transfer to another one for me.
Take care and stay safe,
I am so sorry that your husband passed away, he was too young, far too young x

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