Hi. I haven’t posted for a while. My graham passed in June from a heart attack. I’ve got a wonderful family and good friends but I can’t stop crying today. I’m having counselling which is helping but today I just can’t be bothered with anything. The mornings are the worst. I’m so anxious and tearful. I’ve read here that I’m not alone with this and I need to take one day at a time. It’s just so hard sometimes. Jen x
Hi Jen, So sorry to hear about you losing Graham. I lost Mike around the same time and know exactly how you feel. I think the changing of the seasons and the darker nights as well as lockdown have all had an impact on our grief. It seems that the one thing we all have in common is the constant crying. It is a safety valve so just cry when you want to. Mornings really are the worst but seems to get better as the day wears on, well, on some days at least.
Please keep posting as we are all here to support each other. it is somewhere where your feelings really are understood.
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morning Jen,
i haven’t posted for some time, but reading your post, I too am experiencing overwhelming grief at present, felt it building over these past few weeks, fell into severe CBA mood, beginning to come out of the CBA mood, hopefully for some time, we can never say forever can we now, except that we love our lost husbands/wives/partners forever equally, we shall miss them forever, we shall miss the life we have had taken from us.
Alan passed May 2018, yet this bolt of grief hurtled me back to just after he left, no specific reason, just did. so I do understand how it’s overwhelming for you now, you are still in the very very early stages, and it will get easier to live with your loss, sadly the times we now find ourselves in doesn’t help us, and your last good bye must have been truly emotional because of the restrictions in place, can only imagine how it felt, in one sense, I feel fortunate and blessed that Alan passed when he did, all our family, friends everyone were able to pay their respects, sorry if.my words are upsetting, truly i am, you’ve enough upset in your life as we all have. I had only just started meeting friends for a coffee/tea, lunch even the odd early evening meal, even joined the local Comrades club which he was a member of, then as I started to build on thus different life, the lockdown began, along with the isolation .
I had a real upset over the weekend, silly as it was, it brought back memories of how much he could be a child at heart. I felt a warmth but not after feeling completely devastated, this different life we are now having to live is a rollercoaster, we shall have days of sunshine days of storms, current circumstances exacerbates our loss, and it hurts ,
As I have said earlier, you are still in the very early stages, it does get easier, never goes away, we have to learn to live with our grief, and I expect I am not alone when I say learning to live with losing Alan is the hardest lesson I am having to learn.
truly hope your days improve in.these current uncertainties we now have to face as well, it’s just taking one day at a time, even one hour at a time some days. we grieve at our own pace and in our own way, no timescales, no quick fixes sadly,
message me if at any time you need someone to talk to, sending hugs
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
blessings
Jen🦋
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Bless you Jean. It helps that you’re going through the same thing and are so reassuring. It’s so easy to feel alone. Thank you Jen xxx
I’m in tears reading this. It so fits how I feel. I try not to look ahead too much because there lies madness. My son told me to let my mind and body do their own things and it definitely helps. Some days I cry for most of the day but as you say mornings are worse and it eases slightly. Thank you xxxx
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Jen my hubby died in June, in some ways it feels like forever ago and in another way like yesterday. Although I have family and friends I just feel so alone, nobody gets me like Malc did. I just miss everything we had together and can’t imagine a future of any kind. Once you have dealt with everything initially you just think, well what now.
It’s a torturous road we are on but we will get wherever it leads us somehow.
Surely it can’t get any worse than this So better days must be ahead for us all xxx
That’s how I feel Toondale. We’re at rock bottom. It can only get better. Xx
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Hi Jen, I too lost my husband in June , a week after his 59th birthday. Dave had a massive cardiac arrest. I completely understand and get how you feel, I wake up crying some days , some days I sit here looking at his picture, sitting in his favourite chair and just cry . Someday hopefully I will wake up not crying but smiling at all the wonderful memories I have of that loveable rogue of mine and grateful for the time we had together. However I feel that isn’t going to happen (if ever) for some time yet xx
I was told to cry and yes it is part of this awful process we have to undertake 
No words of wisdom I’m afraid just heartfelt empathy and understanding, take care 
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Thanks so much MrsT1. It’s so important and comforting to know that friends on here really get it. Until you’ve had this experience you can’t completely understand. I’m putting up my Christmas decorations really early this. We both loved Christmas and the whole house was lit up with fairy lights! I’ve found the card he sent me last year. He’d just come out of hospital. We didn’t know it was to be his last Christmas. The words he wrote have broken my heart but I’ve put it on the mantelpiece along with a new garland. Take care jenxx
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