Pain and loneliness

Hi Shona, I have serious brain fog and for no other reason than the situation I find myself in. You have double reasons for your brain fog and my heart goes out to you. You continue to be in my thoughts.
Take care, AL :heart: x

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Hi I have found a little pad and write things down cos even after over a year I still have a certain amount of brain fog hope it helps

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Hi Newbe, it’s good to know that we just have to learn to cope with it. I do have a large pad and continuously write things on it but it’s getting to the stage that it’s hard to navigate, a bit like this site!
Take care, AL

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Hello Shona, yes it has made life so difficult for all of us, it sometimes almost all feels unreal to me. Our world as we knew it has been completely upended and we’ve lost all control, which is a terrible feeling. I’m amazed brain fog is all we‘ve got. And Newbe and Al, good idea to write things down on a notepad but I’m able to misplace anything within two minutes! Love to all x

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Amelie Small steps and deep breaths, that’s a wonderful quote in so many ways. Thank you.

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Dear jim1, I have gone this too - in fact I cry with you, ---- I can only offer you my deepest sympathies for your loss. I have fond memories of a wife that was so gentle spirited and so kind to me. I miss her so much! I hope you will be OK. Again, my deepest sympathies!
Herb

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Herb, thanks very much for your words. I feel just the same as you and what happened to my Helen at home one evening was just the same. I have just had my first counselling session with CRUSE, have you tried this I wonder? I dont know how it will go but I have to try anything.
Let’s all stay together with this, our loved ones deserve it. Jim

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Hi Jim, I’m glad you are having counselling, I am about to have my last session tomorrow and have found it so helpful. But just to say you may feel sadder tomorrow as talking in depth about your loss can stir things up and make you feel worse. That’s how it affected me but it was only temporary and further sessions did not have the same effect , so I hope you can persevere if it affects you that same way, it’s worth it! x

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I’m really glad your sessions have helped. Will you have any more or do you think that will do?

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Not sure yet. will decide after tomorrow but probably not. The sessions have been reassuring in that I could talk openly to an understanding. non judgemental person . She made it clear that my feelings were normal and it was very helpful to have another point of view , rational rather than emotional. I hope it works for you x

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Hi Jim.It is 2 yrs since Ron died and I will never fully accept it.It is exactly 2 yrs today since his funeral and today has felt sureal but I have coped and am coping so much better than last year.Things do get better as the intensity of it all subsides but the triggers such as dates, songs,memories etc are somethi ng that will never subside. I can’t believe I am still here but I am. I have no fear of death anymore and my life is a new one but I am working at it although I have lost my sense of who I am for the time being. What I am trying to say is that the fog does clear slowly but there is always going to be a mist. Take care and please know that this site will help you through the dark days.

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Hi Jim, I have never heard of CRUSE (You may refer to their site if you wish). It sort of sounds like we have something in common, I am sorry that Helen has passed away - there is never a nice way of saying this. My wife’s name was Madeleine - she was such a gentle spirited woman whom I loved with all my heart. I am sure you felt the same way to your Helen. All the same I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you will find some comfort in knowing that many of us on this site have undergone the loss of someone they dearly loved. I’m in that group - certainly you feel free to write back to me if you wish. I can tell you that I manage each day, doing what I must - but always thinking of my wife. I always let her know what I was going to be doing each day - so now I can get a little lost in deciding what I will be doing and how. I do hope your counselling sessions help you — Seems like you you are getting some support - that’s good! Stay well my friend!
Herb

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Angiejo, such reassuring words . I can relate to you losing your sense of who you are for the time being. That’s just how I feel, when you’ve been a kind of double act it’s very hard to function on your own and so very different. I’m glad that you’re managing and life’s getting a little better for you . Good to hear in the middle of the night when it all seems too much. Take care, sending love x

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Hello bjane. Your lovely phrase saying that you were a double act struck a chord with me. I know exactly what you mean as it then becomes so hard to function on your own and you have lost your sense of identity. i am only 16 weeks along and the pain seems to be getting deeper as I miss my other half so much. I keep hoping to find a quick fix but of course there is no such thing. All I can content myself with is the thought that their body was no longer any use to them but their spirit and energy is still intact and around us all the time. I’d like to think they are watching over us and hopefully we can make them proud.

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A lovely thought, Jean2 and one I shall hang on to. Thank you, Ann

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Jean2. I like to think that as well. No longer in pain and free to watch over us all.
Shona x

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Hello everyone, really nice, honest words from you all…thank heavens for you and for this site. It’s ridiculously difficult isn’t it, but with friends (I hope it’s ok to call us friends) like you we’re going to pull through, yes?

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Of course we are, Jim. We are all friends here, and thank heavens for this site.

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Yes Jean2, so nice to think their spirit and
energy are around us , a lovely thought. All of us here are friends united by grief and I hope everyone is finding some peace today… Love to all xx

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Hello everyone, I wonder how you are coping today?
I’ve had some counselling now through CRUSE and I’ve started looking forward to the next call. The first one is pretty tough though.
My counsellor is nice and has sent a link to a special memorial service at Christchurch Cathedral, Oxford on Saturday 31st October. It’s interfaith and open to anyone who has perhaps been deprived of the chance to say a proper goodbye during covid…A Chance to say Goodbye. You can light a real or a virtual candle online and it is being streamed in the evening. They will read the names of loved ones if you email them.
In case it may be a comfort the link is
https://www.chch.ox.ac/oxfords-cathedral/chance-say-goodbye

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