My brother died on the 13th of December. He was 45 and it was a heart attack. Since I’ve heard, I’ve had a terrible pain in my chest, it’s almost unbearable. I cannot eat or sleep. The sadness is overwhelming. I’ve got three kids I adore but I’m struggling to cope looking after them.
Hi Zahn, truly sorry for the loss of your brother. You’ve come to the right place, there are many on this site going through similar, myself included.
Firstly you need to get that pain in your chest checked out. Call NHS 24. It is likely that you are experiencing a physical grief symptom but you can’t ignore it. Grief can make you feel like your heart is going to burst through your chest, again don’t ignore.
It is very early days for you and emotions are all over the place just now, you need a bit of time and support. Please use this site, it will help you to understand that what you are going through is sadly normal under the circumstance. It’s also easier to reach out without fear of upsetting those close to you.
You need to take care of yourself, lack of sleep and sustenance all takes it’s toll. You might need something to help with that. Your GP can help and may steer you to others that can help also.
Please let us all know how you are doing, not a good time, we are all here to listen.
Warmest of wishes…x
Thanks Pepper, I am here because the rest of my family are so devastated especially his three girls, I can’t talk to them. I’ll see the GP tomorrow but I feel so paralysed with the whole thing it’s hard to function. Your words certainly helps.
Dear Zahn, I can relate to you exactly, since my husband died in August suddenly of a heart attack at 61 I have a tight band round my chest. It was so bad in the beginning but I have days now where it is only there part of the day. I went to my GP and she checked my BP, oxygen and blood level. As previously mentioned it is a good idea to get it checked out.
I have decided I am still going to have a health check after Christmas just to put my mind at rest even if I have to pay.
It is still very early days for you and I have read that it is very common to suffer pain in all parts of the body after bereavement. I ached all over for the first month and had to take pain killers.
I am having counselling and go to a group once a month where I can get support. Your GP can also help with this or you can look online in your area. I have been reading a mindfulness book when I feel really bad, as it really is only one day or in your case one hour at a time.
Please message whenever you want as we are all here to support each other. Try to eat although I know it is not easy as if you do not eat you will feel worse. Just a piece of toast or soup something that is quick to eat.
Please take care
Annie, thanks so much for the message. It means an awful lot. I am so sorry about your husband.
I’ve never felt so alone even though I have people around me. It feels like everyone is carrying on with their lives and I’m paralysed.
The pain is worse in the morning but it’s there all the time and sometimes it’s so bad I have to sit down. I will try and get an appointment with my GP next week as I am also worried I would have a heart attack like my brother. He was only 13 months older than me and much fitter.
I am struggling being normal for my kids and cannot see how I will ever laugh again or enjoy anything. Such overwhelming sadness and so glad for this forum.
I know what you mean about feeling alone even when you have people around you. I feel as if my life is in limbo. I feel the same as you when I have the tight feeling and having someone die so close to you makes you think about life.
I must admit I put on a face for my family and other people, and switch after a while as I cant cope with them talking. It must be doubly hard for you having to be normal for your kids as grieving takes so much our of you.
At least we can say what we really feel on this site, have you thought about ringing the Cruse helpline or the Samaritans?
Please look after yourself and message me any time.
So I’ve been to the GP and he is doing a blood test and ECG just to be safe but he said the pain is from the muscles in the chest and stomach tensing because of the emotional pain.
I went back to work today but it was so hard facing everyone and I don’t know what to say to everyone’s well meaning condolences.
By 4pm I was sitting sobbing in my car.
How can I just carry on, I feel so broken.
I am so glad that you have been to the GP and hopefully all will be clear. I think we are both feeling like this because the death of your brother and my husband were so sudden, it is a terrific shock. It is not long ago that you lost your brother and you will still be in shock, do you think you went back to work too soon?
Apart from this site have you contacted Cruse or the Samaritans who are very good at listening and sometimes it helps to just talk to someone.
With support you will carry on although it does not feel like it at the moment. I really do feel for you Zahn and wish I could give you a hug. Crying is good though and it gives a temporary realease. Keep using this site and get as much support as you can.
Please take care Anniexx