3 days ago I lost the love of my life, my rock, my soul mate. It was unexpected and even worse I saw it. 40mins of CPR that failed after he collapsed in the car park to the flats where we live after being brought home from hospital by my son where he had been an emergency admission for bladder/kidney probs. The pain is overwhelming. Everything feels hopeless. Crying constantly. We shared everything and were inseperable. We had so much planned for the future. I just want him back. He promised he’d always look after me and care for me as I have health problems myself. None of this seems real.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, you will be in total shock at the moment, just try and breath & eat small amounts & sleep whenever you can.
If you want to cry and scream do so, you’ve been through the worst trauma possible so you will feel like you are.
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Dear Sal3
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine the additional pain watching the events unfold. As Flower_garden has said just take each hour as it comes and try to get through each minute. Surround yourself with trusted friends and family.
Others on this forum share our pain and grief and will be here for you as best we all can.
Sheila
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Definitely been crying and screaming. Feeling panicky now and then too as I can’t take in that he’s gone for good and then I realise he has and can’t imagine a future without him. 
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Dear Sal3
Myself and others on this forum have experienced sudden loss and all of us who have lost a loved one understand the pain that you are going through - which is both physical and emotional. I wish I had words or answers for you but know that there is nothing that I can say.
The shock element lasted months for me. My head would tell me that he was gone but my heart hoped that this was just an awful dream and at some point I would wake and he would be at my side. Sometimes it felt as if I was watching someone else or a TV programme, that it could not possibly have happened. I no longer look any further than the day that I find myself in.
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Thank you. It certainly helps to share the grief here. The nights seem to be the worst with the big empty space in bed and We used to snuggle up under a fleecey blanket on the sofa each night watching tv. Now it’s cold and lonely.
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Dear Sal3
Following my husband’s death the inner coldness was immense and as anniversaries or special occasions near that coldness returns and I have to wrap myself in blankets and use a hot water bottle to try and warm myself even though the heating is on full blast.
Grief is such a roller coaster this forum allows you to share what you are really feeling and say whatever you want without being judged or fear of upsetting family.
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Hi Sal3
It’s 6 weeks tomorrow since my beloved Gary passed. I feel your pain. Like you the loneliness is immense, what you describe about the emptiness of the bed and cuddling on the sofa is what I’m going through. I’m still in shock and fear everything outside - people/ places. I walk my dog down back lanes to prevent bumping into people. I find talking helps to off load even though it is only for that moment the reality hits you again.
You take care x
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Hi sal3,
I am so sorry you have had to join this site and for the trauma you are having to deal with. Sudden grief is the worst thing I have ever had to deal with and no one will understand what you are going through unless they have lost a loved one suddenly too.
I have found out that there are no words and that there is no manual out there as to what to do to cope. This site is great as people have been where you are right now so please please post as much as you can, I have found just about every post to be more helpful than what people say to me on a daily basis.
I’m on day 22 since my Rachel was taken away from me in a blink of an eye. I wake up in tears and cry numerous times throughout the day, every day.
People say to me that it’s good that I’m not bottling itup but I dont see how anyone can bottle up sudden grief. I didnt eat for 8 days but I am now although it’s just 3 wee meals a day, I used sleeping pills for the first week as my mind was racing and it still is but I am sleeping now for 5/6 hours a night. The only advice I can give and it’s much easier said than done is try not to look to far ahead and take each hour/day as it comes.
I laid rachel to rest on friday, the hardest day of my life and now my new normal starts. I’m going to see the doctor on monday as I need to concentrate on me and get the help that is out there. I doubt the doctor will help but what I do know is that they cant make things any worse than how I’m feeling right now.
Sending my love, Bryan.
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I am so sorry that you need to be on this site with us. No one should have to suffer the pain that comes with losing a loved one. My husband went out for his evening run, collapsed and died. He was only 50. Me and my son go there too late. We didn’t see the attempts to resuscitate and we didn’t get to say goodbye. As Sheila says, sometimes it’s like watching somebody else go through it and other times it’s so painful, it most definitely is not someone else going through it. Take is a breath at a a time- that’s all you can do to start with. Have a look at refugeingrief.com - it’s written by someone who has been through it, so she knows what it’s like. I tried to get out and walk as much as I could. Take support from wherever you can and keep posting here. Take care
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@Lost2021
Thank you for your reply Bryan. I’m so sorry for your loss too.
It’s sad I’m here on this page but at least everyone understands. Well meaning friends and family come out with platitudes like time will heal, cherish the memories etc. but none of that helps.
It really is a pain like no other. Half of me is missing. We had so many things planned for the future. My Rob was my everything and cared for me so well as I have health problems too. The flat is full of his things…slippers by the bed, shirts washed waiting to be ironed, clean pyjamas still on the heater warming that were ready for him when he was supposed to come home from hospital on Wednesday, his favourite coat and scarf hanging by the door. I sometimes think it’s all a bad dream that I’m going to wake up from.
I hope the Dr will be able to help you in some way
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Thank you for your reply. I’ve had a look at the refugeingrief website and it seems helpful even though I’m not really taking things in at the moment. Everything feels unreal and I get panicky when I realise that it is real.
That’s natural. As you think about more things, there are more things to panic about. I guess one thing that I have learnt is that we do not have control over anything and that the things that we worry and panic about are not the real things that flatten us out of the blue. Take care
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