Pain just gets worst

Hi
It’s been nearly 3months since I lost my dad and the pain is getting worst. I feel terrible now and getting for irritable at people close to me and that makes me feel bad.
I just feel like I’m going to burst out in tears,I feel guilty when I don’t go to dad’s grave everyday and I wish I did this and why didn’t I do that.
I’m just starting to feel like a terrible person and I always thought with time things slowly get better, but they are not and everything is getting worst.i just don’t know what to do anymore I feel lost.

Hi I lost my husband 3 months ago I have a son and daughter. My daughter is really struggling my son hides his grief. I think 3 months on it hits home my daughter texted me and stated mom I have not seen and spoke to dad for 3 months I just want to talk to him. It is hitting her more now. Sorry for your loss take care x

It is a massive change in our lives. I lost my wife 31 days ago suddenly. The shock and loss stay for a long time. We miss our love ones do much that we go through the what it’s your head is trying to reason why. Don’t feel guilty about not visiting. I’ve not yet received my wife’s ashes. I’m dreading having the call to collect. I talk to her all the time. Especially in morning and night. When I’m downstairs I have a candle alight all the time Infront of a favourite picture of hers. For me that helps a little. You will find out what helps you get through the day. Or in my case through each hour. You do what helps you. It does not matter what others think.
I’ve broken down in the middle of a shop. I’m a 49 year old male. I’ve stopped caring what others think. She is my girl and I miss her so painful much

Hi I understand what you mean - I lost my beautiful mum 12 weeks ago yesterday, and I thought I was doing ok in the first 3 or 4 weeks but now I seem to be much worse. I too am consumed with the thought that I let mum down and constantly relive the last few days of her life and think of all the things I should have done and that I’m just a horrible person for not doing them. I feel so sad and there’s no joy left. I’ve gone back to just taking each day as it comes and reading the posts here does bring some comfort - horrible as it is, it’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one going through this. Sending all my best wishes to you and everyone who’s going through this xx

Hi. Tree. If I may say so maybe you are expecting too much after only
3 months. The pain may be at it’s greatest then because the wound is still open and raw. Being irritable is a natural reaction as are many more emotions. If we regard them as abnormal then we make a big mistake.
Don’t feel bad about not going to your dad’s grave. I don’t go to my wife’s because she is not there.

“Don’t stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there I do not sleep”

This is a very personal thing, and some find comfort in daily visits and putting on flowers. There is nothing whatsoever wrong in that if it gives comfort. But if it upsets us doing it it’s not good. You are NOT a terrible person. Far from it. You are on here sharing and that takes courage.
You will feel lost and lonely for a while. This again is a perfectly normal response to grief. If only we could see the normality in this process.
We have all felt as you feel now, but I have found that as time passes it does get easier. I keep my eye on the distant light of hope, which is always there and does get brighter. Your pain is great at the moment, but it can get better. Honest!! ‘Give in’ to the emotions, but try not to ‘give up’. Take care and take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself and know your dad would not want you to be unhappy.

Hi Tree
Grief as you are now experiencing is overwhelming because it has no timeline, no order and no answers. It’s mentally and physically exhausting and there is no control over it. Grief is trauma and will take time for the mind and body to absorb the shock and find a way to deal with it. There is no manual and we have to fumble along trying to make sense of it all. There is no reasoning, bargaining or negotiation which as human beings we are conditioned with when facing a crisis. Grief is an expression of love and love doesn’t require an answer as it is what is felt in our hearts. Give yourself some love and have faith that in time you will come to terms with what is happening to you. 3 mths just about heals a broken limb let alone a broken heart. The heart is the very organ that beats to keep us alive and keeps on going. Go with the rhythm of your heart and let your heart lead the pace in which you grieve. Let go of trying to control how you feel and just go ahead and feel it. You will survive this and the love in your heart will beat stronger each and every day. Just breathe for now

Thank you xx

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