Pain......real or not ?

I lost the love of my life …My Dave …only 3 months ago. He was given 12 months at the point of his cancer diagnosis & had 13 months. We were brave in that we packed as much as we could into those 12 months…to the point of mania in some cases…going on holiday in between palliative care…seeing family etc etc … we definately seized the day…we never stopped until the cancer stopped us…& now all is gone …life seems pointless & yet I can somehow function during the week by convincing myself that he is at work. Weekends are just pure torture…to the point of the pain being physical…I can actually feel it in my chest & arms & legs.
My love & I were together 40 years …he was only 58 & in the prime of his life.
I expected the loneliness…I expected the low mood …I expected sleepless nights.
I didn’t expect the pain to manifest itself like a 'real pain.
Wonder why I don’t feel this 'pain during the week…have I convinced my mind not to feel it like I’ve convinced myself he’s at work ??? Is this pain actually all in my mind ??

Hi, do you work? Maybe within the routine of work that didn’t include your husband your mind is kept busy but at weekends which is couple time it makes sense that you are less busy and your mind has time to “feel”? I think grief can affect you with physical pain, as can shock? It’s all horrible and shocking & personally I think it will take a long time to accept what has happened and come to terms with it.

Hi Carol. Three months is not long in grief, but there is no time limit to it. Years after we can still feel the pain. I am so sorry for your loss. We all know and care so you are in the right place.
Anxiety will often hit the bereaved. Anxiety is always fear based. Fear of being alone, of the future, of the past, feelings of guilt maybe.
The pain in the mind is often transferred to the body. The body and mind are so closely linked. Psychosomatic disorders in grief are common.
It may be that when you are busy you are distracted, but when alone you react to the pain in your mind.
The pain in anxiety is real. It’s not imagination. But it’s why when we go for a check up they find nothing physically wrong. Often we don’t believe them and look round for alternative relief.
But if you have been to your GP and been told you are physically OK, believe them. No second guessing.
But Carol, pain is pain wherever it manifests. One thing I have found helpful is to accept that this is how things will be for a while. Grief is a process that, unfortunately, can’t be avoided. You have had a life trauma, we all have, and you are far from alone.
Try and take it day by day, even hour by hour. Try not to anticipate what might happen. The future will take care of itself if you live in the now.
Please understand, I’m not minimising your pain. God knows I do know, but we can only speak from our own experiences.
Take care, and Blessings.

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