Painful decisions to make.

My Partner John died suddenly in January shortly before he retired and what was to be the start of the next chapter of our lives. Like many of you we had so many plans. I am still living in our little home which is in a very rural area. The house now belongs to Johns sons and i am now paying them rent to stay on here but i think they would really like to sell it. I have always worked but in a seasonal job which is the main type of employment in this area so was’nt in employment at the time of lockdown. In these uncertain times i dont know if or when i might even be offered my old job back. I am constantly applying for any work but no luck and as was already feeling pretty fragile this certainly makes me feel really down.
We scattered Johns ashes on the moor just above our house & it was such a huge comfort to have him back here although since he died i have been lucky enough to feel his presence here & i talk to him all the time. When my time comes i will be scattered in the same place. The decision i now have to make is do i move to somewhere not quite so remote in the hope of employment as i desperately need to have an income but that would mean leaving John out here & that breaks my heart just thinking about it.
The thought that John might think i was abandoning him makes me feel very anxious. Would i stop feeling his presence ? I couldnt bear that.
I know that you cant really give advice but your thoughts or feelings on this subject would be a great comfort. x

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hi Gay61
very sorry for the loss of your partner,sad that you are in a position were the home you shared is now not yours and thats not great.And having to pay rent on it now.cheeky question,but how long was you together,as even if you was not in a will,or there wasn’t a will,you could be entitled to something from the estate if you could be proved to of been dependant,i know its not something you have asked about,but I thought with the situation you are in,and lockdown and the virus it may give you some respite.sorry if this is something youed sooner I didn’t mention.hope you can get help and other advice off some other members on here,or your family and friends.
regards
ian

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Hi Ian. Thank for your reply. John & i had been together for getting on for 20 years. We both have grown- up children from previous marriages & John felt he would like to leave his house to his sons which i understand & of course you think you have all the time in the world. Its not so much that i have to look after myself now financially insted of being part of a couple, it’s the thought of having to move elsewhere, somewhere John has no connection. It would feel like i was leaving him behind & thats whats worrying me, he feels so close to me here in the home we shared. gay x

hi Gay
id be trying my best to stay,sadly I had to vacate the house I shared with my soulmate Jayne for 28 years,id of done anything to stay,sadly they would not let me buy the property.
but wish I had found a way of staying.so if there is a way for you to stay put id be doing that,
but at the end of the day only you know whether its the best thing to do.
heres hoping what ever you decide to do it works out for the best
regards
ian

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Hello Gay,
If I were you I wouldn’t rush into moving just yet, I have read more than once that major decisions shouldn’t be made within the first year of being bereaved.
Take care,
Blessings,
MaryL

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Hi Gay, I agree with Mary, it’s too soon to make decisions, if you can stay there as long as you’re able to, I would say stay, it’s another trauma to face at the moment , but I know that’s not always possible.
Steph x

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John is in your heart and will always be by your side and with you. Don’t be afraid of the next chapter in your life, keep on with your journey of life.

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I’m sorry for your loss of your loved one.
I’ve read that it’s good when grieving to leave major decisions for a year. Of course, that’s not always possible. Plus, the pandemic is another issue.

Hi. Thank you for all taking the trouble to message. It really helps to come on here and write down whats on your mind. It helps me put it in perspective. Sometimes with family you feel you dont want to bother or worry them especially at the moment they all have lots to deal with in their own lives. Also you all understand. Thank you for being there gay x

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Hi Gay,
I understand don’t wanting to offload on family ,
This is the place to share thoughts and feelings, we all understand and are all in the same situation. x

I realise it may be too late now but, before I scattered my husbands ashes I kept some back to put into one of those special necklaces you can get. He comes with me everywhere now as I wear the necklace every day.

Don’t be put off from moving by the thought that you’re leaving him behind, he will never be left behind he will always be with you in your mind and in your heart. I’m Wiccan and I believe that nothing is ever truly lost it’s just somewhere else, in the air we breathe, in the trees and plants, everything is reborn. Your partner has just moved on but he hasn’t moved away, he will always be with you.

Blessed Be

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Hi ashtrees
Thats so beautiful thank you so much.
I have been applying for jobs online today & thought i would just have a quick look on the forum before shutting down the laptop calling it a day & making a cup of tea so think it was meant to be that i saw your post. It’s so very positive. As you say it’s too late too late now to put any of Johns ashes in a necklace but the thought of him ‘’ in the air we breathe, in the trees & plants, everything is reborn’’ has made my day such lovely words. I’m smiling ! gay x

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Gay61
I had almost a knee jerk reaction on the death of my partner thinking I could no longer live in the cottage he renovated for us.
Fortunately friends and relatives persuaded me that time needed to elapse before making major decisions.
It has now been a very long eighteen months but there has been the realisation that it doesn’t matter where I am the memory’s will always go with me.
It is easy to believe that on leaving possessions, or where you were both once happy, means you are leaving that person behind.
You can never, ever, leave them, they are deep within you and always will be.
I hope you find both work and some comfort at this time.

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