Painful memories

Good evening all.
I know we are all suffering .this will be my first Christmas without my incredible husband.The last Christmas without him in my life was 1970.I hated my life before him.Mom was an alcoholic and hated my sister and I but adored her boys.My sister was joining the Wrens in January so I knew life be would be intolerable.I was too young to join .I was 16.I was right my life was a round of being pushed ,hit and degraded in front of all and sundry.However I met my husband and we hit it off immediately.He always said he fell in love at first sight.He was in the army ,very fit and handsome.I couldn’t believe he chose me.We had a blissful marriage for 51 years.We had our ups and downs .We never ever found marriage tiring or hard work.
I don’t think of him as the terminally ill frail old man.I see him in my mind’s eye as the young man he was.All the memories are haunting me and I wish I could shut them out.All the traditions we made for our children and grandchildren I can’t do them anymore .Everything is too painful.I keep asking him to visit me on Christmas Eve.Begging him to really.I try not to because I know I will be disappointed.It is 7 months since he passed and my grieving is harder and deeper than when he first left.I just don’t know what to do.Sorry I have rambled on.I hate my barren life.
Take care all xx


Hi @Tearful
Sorry to here how your feeling after your loss. My husband passed 8th June 2023 so just 6 months for me. We were married 35 years together 37. Not a day goes past and i still miss him so much. He had a heart of gold :yellow_heart: lovely blue eyes and do kind and thoughtful.
Christmas last year was with him and family in Australia :australia: this year on my own with just thoughts and memories.
Like you say it is hard to do anything when we are feeling so sad and down.
I will maybe work on a memory book box at Christmas :christmas_tree: otherwise i will be hiding under the covers in bed not wanting to think its Christmas without him.
Happy memories of last year 2022 with him
Take care
Lynne Xx


Yep so hard to remember those lovely times together isnt it ? Breaks my heart … i try not to as it makes it too hard. You know what i remember most … his presence, his love, being next to me, supporting me ! Thats what i miss the most :frowning: xx


Hi @Deb5
Yes just too much to miss these days.
Finding it hard somedays but i get through the day and night to start again.
I did not realise how upset lonely :disappointed: i would be without him. Life goes on and time goes by but now i am in limbo of some sort just surviving now.
I try to think of something positive something to look forward to but at present i cant find anything.
Life is tough for the people left behind :sleepy: :broken_heart:
Lynne Xx


It certainly is … its harder for us left behind :frowning: so hard cos we miss them so ! Survival.mode - for sure xxxx

Goodnight hope you manage to get some sleep tonight
Take care Xx

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Thanks honey ! I did go back to sleep.last night eventually !! Xxx