Pancake Day, Valentines Day

Hello everyone
This experience feels so very surreal. I’ve read many of your posts on here, and can relate to all of your comments. I lost my wife in August 2021, and it still feels like yesterday, time has stood still.
Special days like these, and Christmas/New Year, birthdays, St Patrick’s Day, they are so difficult. I can be in a crowded room, yet feel so alone. She had such a zest for life, she had a wide circle of friends, and it feels like the house we shared is not a home anymore. She was an excellent cook, so when she went on her journey I had to adjust very quickly to learning new skills!
But I know where she is, and I will follow when I am called. She has no pains or sorrow, and that is a great comfort to know
We are all on probably the most difficult journey we’ll ever be on, just taking one day at a time, treasuring the memories we enjoyed together, talking to pictures of our loved ones. I meet up regularly with a woman who was her best friend for many years, and her partner. We have coffee in the town every week. It’s helped me, and I’ve met new people in the town from walking the dog.
I see some posts on this site which have challenged me on my own experience. Particularly when they say there’s no point being here, I feel useless. I take an opposite viewpoint, your departed loved one is watching everything we do, or think. They want us to continue to be here for as long as possible, and “weather the storm”. One has to consider what our new purpose in life is, say by offering to volunteer, networking with neighbours, starting a new hobby, and finding people who share your interests, maybe in a community group. I know for many of you, this is easier said than done, we must try taking little steps, gradually improving ourselves.
Good luck, and much love to everyone on this site, we all know how you feel, whether yours was a very short or long relationship with your loved one
God Bless
Stuart

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Hi Stuart
Yes you said pancake day, valentines day and I may write a poem with a heart on it on valentines day. Get out any old cards. On pancake day I will make them and eat them because I enjoy them. If my son is here I will give one to him or the grandchildren. Yes I agree it is not good to say it is pointless etc but I have got periods when I feel low but I think of the family I have left. I am grateful for them.
I was feeling fed up at weekends when I dont see the family at all. Because others are with their families. I dont feel like going to church. Anyway we are going to set up a whatsapp group of others in the same boat who live round here and if it is not raining go for a walk Saturday morning somewhere and go in a pub afterwards.
I was really pleased so you never know what is round the corner. It will be a step in the right direction. Of course it is all widows. But at least we might be able to share what we know because some of us are good at different things. We thought we could go to a show sometimes. I am ready to do something like that. I braved it at xmas and went to a party alone and sat on a table with no one I knew. It took a lot of courage. However just perking up a bit and putting on some glad rags was a help.
Naturally I caught covid but I thought if I am going to I might as well go somewhere worth going to. Not sure if feeling terrible really was worth it but I could have caught it in a shop or from the grandchildren that is not to say I am going everywhere just to catch it again. I pick my places.

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Hello Enorac
Thanks for responding, the WhatsApp group sounds a good idea. Yes, I’ve noticed that there’s a majority of women who post in the group
Some of the messages are heart-breaking. We are all on a very difficult journey we didn’t want or expect. We live from day to day, sometimes get triggered by things, freeze, get confused, stop in our tracks, lose our train of thought, get weepy.
We all have glorious memories of the ones we lose. I have kept all the cards we sent to each other over the years. All of Helen’s clothes are still in the drawers and wardrobe, and after 30 months, I still don’t know what to do with them without upsetting the children
I get out and meet people as much as I can, especially prayer meetings
Like everyone on the site, I feel lost
I have developed an interest in cooking, which she excelled at, and have discovered a latent talent! But it’s really something I do to fill the day, a distraction which is necessary
Well bye for now, and my prayers are sent to the Lord for your comfort and well-being

Thanks for prayers. I woke up after having had sleep. Although don’t go to church watch it on Zoom sometimes. But do attend zoom prayer group. :pray: They didnt understand however that
I can’t make decisions and plans easily or that it is not about forcing myself to do what’s unhelpful just because they think it is.
But no one else understands me as not in same boat and when they are they will.
I go to a Renew group run by the church which I call privately Widow’s Weekly as there are no widowers. Women seem to live longer round here!
The same with the other groups run in other villages. Yes I cook more because David used to insist on cooking but he wasn’t that great at it so nice to spend ages on it myself. Batch cook and freeze.

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Continued
I got timed out.
Talking about his clothes.
I wear tops or shoes as fit a d unisex. We were same size. But i will have to slim into his jeans. He lost lots weight.
Coats fit my son. Other stuff like ties might sew them into something. See if boys change mind and might like odd fav.
He would give to Age UK and might do one day. It is 14 months now.

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Good evening Enorac
The whole experience must be still so very raw for you, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s a very difficult journey. I have the company of a twelve year old minature Yorkie, I tell her everything ! I don’t know what I’d do without her. She keeps me smiling!
I lose myself in cooking, watching movies, documentary shows, I enjoy these activities, but I know they’re only a temporary distraction. I try and get out of the house at least once a day, and to meet people. I have a reasonable social life, I feel the house is no longer a home in its true sense. Helen picked out the curtains, bedspreads etc, as most women have better taste than most men including me!
I know when I go from here I will meet her again. I look forward to that day
Thanks for responding, take care of yourself
You’re not alone
Stuart