I’m new here.
My mum died 9 months ago suddenly at the age of 61. I got the phone call when I was half asleep in bed. After she died I took two months off work, it took a month to plan and have the funeral.
When the two months were up, I went back to work and had Counselling. I suffer with anxiety but it has been manageable for years.
I was actually surprised with myself how I was able to cope most of the time. I made plans, did things, went to work. Of course had the occasional cry and bad day but overall was coping well.
In November I decided to end my Counselling as I felt like I was ok.
Over Christmas my anxiety started becoming out of control, impossible to sleep, panic attacks, thinking I was having a heart attack. The worst of it lasted a week or two and then I was ok.
I returned to Counselling last week.
Now out of nowhere my anxiety is really bad again and I am not sleeping and not able to really work properly. I am angry with myself as I feel like 9 months on I should be ok or better and can’t understand why I seem to be going backwards. I’m also worried that things will spiral out of control and I won’t be able to get a hold of things and return to work. (A similar situation happened 4 years ago where I had a breakdown of sorts and couldn’t return to work minus the bereavement). Work have so far been understanding but I feel like I am being judged and letting everyone down and wish I could cope better than I am.