Panic attacks after losing husband

I lost my husband 4 months ago and now live alone with no family at all.
Does anyone else get the panic attacks like me?
I get so terribly scared and upset at night. I am all alone.
I get night sweats, pulse races, heart thumps,my body doesn’t stop shaking inside, my head wont clear from all my problems, I feel sick then get the diarrhea. This is happening every night. I feel so low just don’t know what to do. The doctor gave me ant-depressants and I took half a tablet once which made me ill so didn’t take any more… I hate this life feel so lonely…Just don’t want to carry on with this life as feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Worried sick about all the problems, my car is playing up which is my life line all the problems feel like huge problems.

Dear Sue

I am going to send you a private message - as I notice I live not far from you. I don’t have panic attacks but I am very scared of the future without my husband who I only lost 2 and a half weeks ago.
It is mad how something like a car playing up can upset us - it just seems like the final straw.
Trisha x

Hi Trisha
Thank you for your message.
Sorry to hear your sad news.
Be strong Suex

Hi, I lost my partner of 30 years suddenly last November and I went into the same panicking as you. I have suffered panic attacks for several years and Simon was very supportive. I am lucky that I have two older brothers who have helped me with things, but I am still alone at night. I worry about everything too as I have to pay a mortgage and I have sjorgrens so unable to work. I went to the docs as I didn’t know how I was going to get to the funeral. The last thing I wanted was to panic and run away or as you say diarrhoea. He gave me tablets to calm me down and stop it from happening. I was on antidepressants anyway. It helped me to write things down, no matter what you write and put your feelings down as you have here. Whenever you get frightened, try to put it in writing. It worked for me. I now have stopped writing. I miss Simon everyday and cry and remember waking up shaking and unable to function. Christmas was a blur and I couldn’t even think about New Year. I didn’t want to be here and couldn’t think of my life without him. Now I am doing the gardening, taking the dogs out. Just do things in your own time and keep writing on here as there is a lot of support and it has helped me. Janet x

I lost the love of my life 38 days ago, yes I’m counting the days I haven’t seen his lovely face, I too agree write your thoughts down, however small or trivial the pen will start to flow with all your thoughts and fears, it’s a comfort to me, I even write myself post it notes as I think of things to write later in my journal. It goes everywhere in the house with me take it to bed, so I can get my thoughts down if I have dreamt about him, and yes I have dreamt of him. I write those down too, no one need read it except you, and yes when you read it back of all the great memories you’ve recorded you’ll start crying again, I hope this is healthy. I’ve stopped tormenting myself by playing all our old songs as I was constantly crying listening to them. The journal is more calming process. I’ll never accept that he’s gone, looking for him down the garden, in his favourite chair, I tell him I’m looking for him to please give me sign oh God I miss him so much. I know it’s early days for me, I don’t focus too much on the future, I’m glad it’s the warm summer months so I can get out, I do mope about the house lost sometimes. I am dreading the winter…


I brought a new book to write in yesterday. I have been scribbling in his old music notebook - but decided it was not a fitting place to write everything down. So brought a lovely notebook with the map of the world on and then cried over all the places we were planning to visit. But as well as talking to him in this book I want to write the happy memories down too as I am so frightened I will forget them. The future without our other halves is frightening - no doubt about that - and we will learn to cope but the world for us is never going to be the same. I think back to my mother when she lost my father - I really did not have any idea of what she was going through. Yes he was my beloved father (I really was a daddy’s girl) but she was so strong and I never realised and I feel so bad that I didn’t.
I even bought some new pens too - the journal is deserving of something more. I will just try not to cry over it. I wanted to send him a text yesterday - maybe I should I still have his phone but have not spoken to the phone company yet.

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Hi Janet
Good to read your message and sorry to hear your sad news.
Like you said you are lucky you have brothers.
You are also lucky to have a garden to walk into and a dog to walk. Bet you get to talk to people whilst walking your dog. Wish I had a dog but I live in a flat and once the door is shut I don’t see anyone. It is a lonley life and I just exist from day to day.
Keep strong my friend. Suexx

Hi Sue

Hope you managed to get through the night without a panic attack - have sent you a private message. Up early again - the cat now thinks it is his duty to wake me and once awake there is no going back to sleep.
Take care
Trisha x

I hope your panicking feelings have subsided a bit. I would be lost without my brothers to help me. It was my birthday yesterday and it was hard because Simon wasn’t here. We never made a fuss of birthdays but at least I woke up next to someone wishing me happy birthday. Loneliness is a terrible feeling. I may not talk to any one for days, just watch tv and comfort eat. Yes my dogs do keep me company and I constantly talk to them. If anyone could hear me, they would think I’ve lost the plot! I am thinking of you. Keep strong. Janet xx

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. I just wanted to say I too have just started panic attacks. I cared for my mum 10 years with dementia til she died in a carehome. Can’t tell you what we went through together with me daily battling to get her proper care. The other night I kept taking my blood pressure while heart pounding and when it reached ridiculously high levels my husband suddenly said “get a paper bag” I breathers into it and it works. It slows the heart rate and racing heart feeling of awful panic. I sympathise as panic attacks are awful. I now won’t leave the house without a paper bag. The gp gave me tablets but I don’t need or want to be Dosed up and sluggish. Miss mum so much and dad and have lost 5 babies have no kids. Just to say you’re not alone. Panic and anxiety can be part of grieving I hear. Pls keep posting. Hugs X

Thank you so much for your message and sorry to hear the sad news and your mum and all.
Like you say the panic attacks are bad and for me being totally alone I get very scared and upset.
Just hope things get better in time but at the moment just can’t see it…
Thank you again, very kind of youx

Hi Janet,
Thank you for your message.
Sorry to hear your sad news.
Hope your birthday wasn’t too painful for you.
Hope your brother is helping you amd lucky you have your dogs to keep you company. I live in a flat so can’t have dogs or cats but really need something to keep me company. I am sure I would talk to a pet if I had one so do not worry about that! The panic attacks are still the same and very scary and upsetting being totally on my own. Thank you once again Janet. Its just nice to know there are people out there. Take good care Suex

Hi All . Very sorry for your losses. These are trully hard times for us all. I couldn’t add any more pain. All has been described jn your messages. i feel the same. I loss my darling husband of 30 years last November and my dear sister a month ago.
I look at his picture and right at a corner of my mind there is a hope that he is coming soon and i will be able to tell him about my sister and how sad and empty i would be if i ever lost him. !!.
When reality hits i feel a terrible sense of fear about any future at all. I am on my own and that scares me. He was everyfhing to me. Having him in my life was all i wanted and needed so i have it all. Now have nothing.
I try to recover my faith by thinking that those loved one gone before me were a lovely gift and i am lucky to had them in my life. Still feel sad, guilty, lonely, empty,demotivated, fearfull, tearful you name it! But hope one day i will be at peace and look back with at the happy times, eventhough i will be still missing my soulmate and my dear ones.
Take care everyone xx

Hi Trisha
Thank you so much for your message, great to hear from you. I had a panic attack last night again so sweaty and shakey very scary totally alone. Sounds like your cat is fun and good company, you are lucky. Shame he wakes you so early ah!
Keep in touch if you can as so lovely to know people are out there.
Look after yourself suex

Hi De
Sorry to hear about your sad loss. You are not alone as I feel the same as you and am all totally alone, no family. Like you I am scared too and just exist from day to day at the moment. Wonder if it will ever get better and can’t see it at moment. Keep in touch ah as I find it really helps to get such lovely messages from lovely people who are grieving and suffering like us. Just to know people are out there really helps. Just write anything down to us as we feel the same. Take good care Suex

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Dear Sue.
Thank you so much. I hope one day we can say that we are managing better.
Take care De xx

Evening De
Lets hope that things get better for us ah!
Keep in touch if you can,
Look after yourself Suexx

Hi Sue
Very happy to keep in touch - it is so helpful to talk to others. We all have our different challenges- and so far I have not been alone at night. My daughter is going on holiday in June and I am insisting she goes. So that will be difficult I am sure and I will probably panic. My cat is a chubby grey british shorthair. I love him as we have had him since he was a kitten but he is not the friendliest - would never sit on your lap and I am the only one who can pick him up. Whilst I love him - I am really more of a dog person but that is not on the cards for a while. My 6’3 son is terrified of all dogs! If I can help let me know.
Trisha x

Hello benenden, I lost my husband five months ago. My sleep is broken, I have anxiety attacks in the morning which are horrible and make me feel even more alone . I try and distract my self by breathing exercises and when it calms I do something like loading the dishwasher etc. feel I will never get used to living alone. My husband and I were so happy. We can help each other with our messages.

Hello benenden, I lost my husband five months ago. My sleep is broken, I have anxiety attacks in the morning which are horrible and make me feel even more alone . I try and distract my self by breathing exercises and when it calms I do something like loading the dishwasher etc. feel I will never get used to living alone. My husband and I were so happy. We can help each other with our messages.

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