Part of me is always missing

Sadly, Ian will have passed away 44 weeks tomorrow, only 7 weeks after a diagnosis which came out of the blue.
I’ve gained so much support from this site but I still just feel as if I’m not complete. Something is missing , and that is Ian.

Whatever I do and wherever I go, I just miss him so much. There is no real joy or purpose to my life without him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m trying to do more things but without Ian, it all seems pointless. I just go through the motions and take each day as it comes. The house is clean , the garden is tidier but my heart is still broken and I’m in pieces inside.

I’m trying to look after Ian’s lawn, without much success, and was just in tears yesterday as I was doing it. My daughter rang after and I couldn’t continue the conversation. I remember saying to her ‘he’s not coming home is he’ and she had to reply ‘no he isn’t’.

So many firsts coming up over the next few months. I know I will cope on the outside, but inside will be a different story.

Take care of yourself everyone,

Julie x

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Julie, I am sorry but your post made me cry because I have come in from scarfing the lawn and I know just how you feel. No they don’t come back but they never really leave and we have to carry on. I do things and think or even say out loud that he would be pleased that I am keeping things going and then you ask yourself ‘why’. There’s no sensible answer.
The best thing is that the sun is shining and life isn’t all the bad, not really. I thank my lucky stars that I have this home and garden and I am physically fit, so there’s lots to make me feel happy again and I know he’s watching over me.
Try to get organised for those first dates, plans don’t always work out but have something in mind before the day does help.
I am pleased that the community as helped you, it certainly has helped me. You are a brave soul and I know you will take care. S xx

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Oh trading your messages made me realise that we are all having to do what our husbands did it is very hard I never used to mow the grass and he did most gardening I am managing as I know he would not like seeing it unkept I often cry while doing it it’s so hard alone like you say I too am lucky to have a home and garden but some days I feel what is the point now next month will be a year just don’t know how I have managed it I miss him so much like you all we have to tick along I guess and do best we can to cope alone thinking of you sending my love xx

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Hi Julie, I am so sorry for your loss, the moment you realise they are not coming back is devastating.
Me and our daughter were with my husband when he died in hospital, our son didn’t make it in time. We all sat with him for a long time, but even on the way home, it didn’t seem true. It felt like a bad dream we would wake up from, still felt as if he was just in hospital being treated.
Realisation for me came the day before his funeral. I wanted to see him one more time in the chapel of rest to say goodbye. I knew I wouldn’t get this close to him again with all the Covid rules at the funeral. It was hard, but seeing him there I knew he was not coming home. I remember thinking his feet will get cold he hasn’t got his socks on. Strange what emotions do to you.
Doug died just over a year ago now, the year of first’s was hard but we got through it as a family.
I sure your Ian is pleased with the way you are coping and looking after his garden. In time you will smile again while gardening thinking of him and the good times you shared.
I know this as I now love being in the garden, Doug’s favourite place and where I feel closest to him.
Take care, sending love, Debbie X X

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I’m so sorry Trixie, the realisation that they are gone is like losing them all over again. It is 36 weeks today since my husband died and today would have been his 49th birthday, the first without him. I took the day off work and went for a walk, I didn’t want to spend it with anyone else. I do have children at home so we were together after school. We got a takeaway, Chinese was always his favourite and I bought a small chocolate cake (his favourite) but it was filled with memories of his birthday last year and my continued disbelief that he is gone.
I noticed a hole in the wall under the stairs and my gate is wobbling, things I will now have to fix, things he would have done and I just feel incredibly sad and lonely and I could really do with one of his big hugs now. I miss how he could hug me safe and now that is gone x

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Well just need to write how I’m feeling missing my husband so much I have been trying so hard silence is terrible how are we suppose to caring on and what for I don’t know life has been cruel to all us on this site had a busy morning now in hole don’t have strength right now to tick along was lucky to have found true love had it for 46 yrs should be allowed to go with him
Hope some of you are having a bit better day how are we suppose to with out our soul mate sorry had to write down how I am feeling

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It is so hard. Take care

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Hi Rose

I don’t think people who’s aren’t in our situation realise how difficult it is to just keep going. I had planned to meet a friend for coffee this morning. When she didn’t turn up I texted her after about 20 minutes. Her reply, ‘ sorry but something turned up last minute!’
I’m sorry to say I wept as obviously, our friendship counts for nothing!
I asked if everything was ok and it was. She’d obviously forgotten even though we had arranged it on Tuesday.

Take care,
X Julie

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My husband’s birthday is Sunday (24th). Two years ago on that date I gave him a card which read “welcome to old age” never knowing that less than six months later he would be taken from me. We sat and planned our retirement, what we would do in old-age together. My heart is broken and I know it will never be repaired. I accept he has gone but the horror of the reality is something I still struggle with.

Take care all. xxxx

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Thanks for reply must tick along best we can I guess xxxx

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I felt just like u when my hubby died.

It’s 7 yrs now since my soulmate died suddenly from a pulmonary embolism (a blood cloth to the lung). I miss him constantly but I’ve discovered strategies to help me cope with it all.

In the beginning, i made myself do things we’d done together. One of which was going down to our local beach so he cud fly his model aeroplane and then we used to watch the sun go down. I broke my heart sitting there in the car reminiscing the first time I did it and in my minds eye I could see him stood on the beach flying his model areoplane.

There were people on the beach walking their dogs and i thort “if I had a dog I cud do that” cos I wudnt walk on the beach on.my own. When I went home I opened my tablet to look at Facebook and someone was looking for homes for puppies so I messaged them and went to see them the next day. One puppy came up to me and I instantly fell in love. It turned out she was born on my mums birthday so I named her after her.

She is my substitute husband and is constantly by my side.

To be honest she has made my life complete again and is my reason to get up each day. I’ve made so many new friends through her too. I go down the beach with her and stop and talk to loads of people.

It was hard having a puppy but it was fun too.

My hubby is always in my thorts. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and talk to him but I can do it now without tears. I still get my moments but I’m happy to say they are less.

I hope you find solace in your grief and you manage to come to terms with wots happened. It is hard but you will get there. I did.

Lots of love n healing

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It will be 1 year on 3rd May since Peter died - like you, around 7 weeks after a totally unexpected, and unprepared for diagnosis. We were married 41 years. Only yesterday, whilst out shopping I suddenly felt I could call him to pick me up, like I had thousands of times before. And I was once more overwhelmed by the fact that he has actually died. Unlike many, I had no desire to live in our house, or be in our garden without him - and I moved out, despite advice not to make decisions too soon, I knew I could not live in that house alone, as it will not be my ‘home’ again. I could never have imagined the grief I have experienced - it’s like the worst trauma that no one is prepared for.
Thanks to everyone here for honest sharing, it has been so helpful to me.

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Dear Lynbarn
Thank you for you kind words it helps I am pleased
That you have found a purpose my family tell me I should get a puppy I walk a lot I just not sure it would be company we used to go down sit and have a coffee by the beach like you did I have managed to go there it’s very hard will be a year next month seems like yesterday I don’t cry every day but feel lost it’s the worse pain isn’t it
Take care xx

Hi Jane we are quiet similar next month will be a reminder that our life changes over night we was married 45 yrs was so looking forward to getting our pensions take care thinking of you xx

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Glad it helped Rose.

We wud have been married 45 years in Oct. We met when I was 17. So next year 50 yrs!!!

Take care. Love n healing

Lynda

Hello all.
I am new to this group, I have been having an awful day so I decided it was time to make an effort and concentrate on something instead of sobbing
So here I am. Peter was my first and last love, my soulmate and best friend.
He unexpectedly passed away in hospital 12 weeks ago, because of the hospital restrictions I had not been able to see him for some time. He didn’t have Covid. He choked on his own saliva/phlegm, I couldn’t get there in time.
We were married for 54 years and together for nearly 57 years
I wish we could have gone together
I, like all of you, miss my beloved so much.
Sorry for going on so, I promise to try harder to be more upbeat next time. Thank you for listening.
Carole

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Welcome Carole

I hope you find solice from this site.

57 years us a long time to be with 1 person. You are allowed to cry, better out than in.

My hubby died unexpectedly 2 days after his 60th Birthday. He was my 1st and last love and my soulmate too so I know wot you’re going through.

It does get better because you learn to live with the loss and grief. You’ve made the first step joining this group which is excellent.

Onwards and upwards. Love light and healing to you.

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I feel so sad for you dear. Keep your patient.

Thank you for ypur kind reply

Sorry 'your ’