My partner of 44 years died suddenly 3 days ago. He was the love of my life, we did everything together, now I can`t bear my life, The thought of feeling like this for years to come is unbearable. I notice people on here who have lost their soul mates years ago and still miss them terribly. We didn`t have children, no really close friends to speak of as we were happy just being together. What on earth is there to live for anymore?
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Hi Helen
I am sorry to hear about your husband. The shock must be immense.
I lost my wife to cancer 18 months ago and while we knew what was coming I still feel the shock - right down to my bones - often. The absence can never be healed.
But 18 months in, if I have learned one thing, it is that you won’t feel like you do right at this moment for the rest of your life. This is unimaginable for you now I know but it is also true.
You will never stop missing your husband. But the way you feel right now - unlike the constant, enduring love you have for your husband - will change over time.
I hate the term “more manageable” so will only say that it will slowly, very slowly, become to be a different, changing experience. One that you will always have to live with, one that is impossible to escape from (I write this having just been hit sideways out of nowhere in an otherwise okay day and crying for an hour as I just miss my wife so much…), but one that becomes just a little easier on you as the months roll on.
And when you learn not to feel guilty about this (when you see that your mind can be your worst enemy); healing can and will come.
Such a long way off for you yet I know Helen so, once again, sorry to hear about your loss.
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Thank you for your kind reply, I am just so lost, dont see the point of anything anymore. Go for a walk, alone, sit at home, alone. I dont want to go out with other people, I just want my Norman back. I know that`s impossible, just feel like every ounce of joy has been sucked out of me.
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There are no words that can really help where you are right now Helen. I wish there were.
The only advice I can give, looking back 18 months in my case, which feels like a lifetime and no time, is take the moments of peace and joy that eventually, as impossible as it feels right now, will slowly start to reappear. And don’t beat yourself up when they do re appear: it doesn’t mean you loved Norman any less.
In the meantime don’t expect anything from yourself; and lean on everyone you can.
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Thank you very much, its just nice to hear someone else knows where Im at
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It’s very hard and you’re probably still numb or in shock. I lost my partner of 40 years 6 months ago. I do have a couple of friends but one has mobility issues so I haven’t seen her much. I’m relying on my sister a lot. I hope you have someone you can lean on as it does make it easier. Losing a partner is one of the most awful things to happen. Our lives were so intertwined with them. It’s not only the loss of the person but your life will have changed too. I felt part of me went with him. Everyone manages grief differently, there is no right or wrong way of dealing with it. The old cliché of one day at a time is all most of us can manage. Some people say keep busy or take up exercise, go for a walk. If you have pets they can be a focus. Unfortunately you are now on that grief road nobody wants to be on. Take care, keep posting on here.
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Hi Helen20, so sorry you are joining us here. My lovely wife died on Christmas day. The pain is like being split in two and it takes time for it to change. At the moment you are going to need all the support you can get to help you through these very difficult days. At least here everyone understands how you feel and are always here to listen.
Wishing you all the strength you’ll need
All the best
Tom 
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Thank you, I can barely manage one hour at a time, it is just the memories are everywhere, if I stay at home they`re everywhere, if I go out the door the same. No real local friends to speak of, a friend from years ago spoke on the phone to suggest “lucky me!” I can go on holiday now, as my love wasnt in the best of health. Just cant see what on earth there is to look forward to anymore.
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Thank you for your kind words,
I really am trying, just seems to be getting worse. Truly hope it won`t always be like this.
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Hi Helen what a friend to say such a thing. What about family is there nobody you can rely on. It’s so early in your situation to worry about the future. For the moment it’s just about surviving the first few weeks. Take things slowly if you have nobody to help maybe a local vicar or priest?
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Thank you for your concern, Tom. No close family anymore, all dead and gone, friends from work but I cant face work at the moment. I have even thought about seeking solace from a church, even though I`m not religious.
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Helen, am so sorry for your loss! I lost my husband of 35 years 6 weeks ago and felt like you describe for weeks. Plus, I couldn’t sleep or eat, kept waking up in panic screaming his name, had panic attack after panic attack whilst trying to sort out paperwork. But a little bit at a time a few moments of calm started to come. Am still in deep sorrow, I still can’t believe I’ve lost the love of my life, the person I was died the day my Frank died, but at least now can put one foot in front of the other and wake up in the morning to get things done. Sending you a huge hug
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Thank you so much for your reply, Anita, I think more than anything I just want to know I`m not the only one going mad with grief. xx
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You certainly aren’t mad Helen. What you are going through feels like hell on earth. This group has shown me how many of us go through such huge grief and pain losing our soulmates. It is a very rough path, and one I don’t wish on anyone, but there are lots of lovely supportive people here. Hope you can start getting a few moments of peace soon.
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Thank you so much for your kind words
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Helen 20, so sorry for your deep loss. It’s the worst thing in the world to lose you soulmate, the pain is horrendous.
I’m 6 months on this awful path after losing my best friend in the world, we had no kids either. My family have deserted me, except for 1 sister. Just try and keep going, I know it’s not easy, it’s the worst pain in the world. I kept talking to my Ray and ask him to help me every day.
Eat a little and grab a bit of sleep whenever you can. I am still sleeping on the couch whenever I feel the need to. I have my little cat here for company and she keeps me going.
Keep reading here, we are all on the same awful path, and there will always be someone to answer you.
Take good care x
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Hi Helen, There’s no need to be religious to ask for help. There are many bereavement groups around and the are also many hospices that run programmes for the bereaved and it isn’t necessary to have used their services.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hi Helen
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I absolutely know how you are feeling right now. My husband died on the 3td April, he was 49 and it was very sudden..
Everything you have said is just how I feel also. There just doesn’t seem to be any point in anything. The only thing keeping me here is my 2 children (age 20 & 15). They have been amazing but I just desperately want him back.
All I’m doing is getting through each hour. I’m trying my best to distract from thoughts of a future without him and being alone. It’s just so so hard.
Sending you some gentle hugs.
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Hi Lilly, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. When my wife died I had never felt anything so painful, it is so difficult to understand until it happens to you. Unfortunately everyone here understands what you are going through now and we are all together grieving our loved ones. I’m glad to hear that your son are of an age to be able to help you and also be a reason to soldier on which will be important.
Wishing you all the strength you are going to need.
Tom
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Hi @helen20 like others so sad you are joining us here. I am not yet 3 months in and have had feelings that it is impossible to go on, huge physical impact which nobody (apart from this site) really understands and numbness and shock which you are probably going through of why is this happening to me. We are all here for you and keep posting as we are listening Nikki x
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