Had a massive meltdown today at the hospice my partner soulmate is in , when do you let go ? Am I being selfish fighting so hard for him ( been a nurse for 22 years so hard not to take that role too ) . Staying here 24/7 at mo too scared to leave him , but he’s not him anymore il losing a bit of him everyday , scared this will be my memories of my amazing best friend and soul mate . I don’t know what to do , don’t what regrets later on but don’t like to see him disappearing in front of me , why can’t it be me ? Not him ? I won’t cope without him xxxx
4 Likes
@Martju I watched my wife gradually die over 11 weeks in hospital. It was terrible watching her fade away. She was a shadow of the beautiful person she had been but as she passed I held her hand and kissed her twice and told her she could go and how much I loved her. I spoke to her for half an hour as I had read you can still hear after death. I both treasure that moment but cry from sadness when I recall it. The tears are flowing now but I would never have missed it. Love and support to you in this truly devastating situation. 
3 Likes
Mike 75 , thankyou for reading and replying , I feel like I’m drowning , he’s fighting for my sake I know , I’ve told him tonight he must go if it’s too difficult it broke my heart to say it , just why he’s 58 and just loved everyday , made life worth living xx hope it gets easier and easier for you xx great pain cones with great love I supppse , so we have to be grateful for the great love x
2 Likes
@Martju My wife fought to make it to our 47th wedding anniversary. I had put up balloons around her bed. She just made it then quickly faded. You will value the moment together when it comes but the grief that follows is unlike anything you could ever imagine. I think you know this already. Everyone on this site will know your pain. Love and support. XX
2 Likes
I am so sorry, this is the toughest path, which many of us have trodden.
I can tell you that you can and shall cope. Concentrate on practical matters, make sure you eat, drink and rest yourself. Take all genuine help offered. I found McMillan nurses were crucial and brilliant.
You are doing fine.
1 Like
Actually, letting him know it is ok to go is the right thing. It takes courage.
I told my husband it was fine to let go. He died shortly afterwards once I had left the room and it felt right. The soul needs to feel easy about going.
You will amaze yourself what you can do. You are much stronger than you imagine.
3 Likes
Absolutely. We are all with you.
2 Likes
I was with my husband at the end and so was all his family we all lived near by but one of his sisters lived in wales i told him she was on her way and he said ok i can wait for her when she turned up he grab her hand and spoke to her for a while then he looked around the room and keep saying bye and then he was gone
2 Likes
Dear Martju;
I am sorry that you are having to go through this terrible ordeal.
When my husband was at the end in the hospice I was with him and had been told by a nurse that sometimes they find it hard to leave and that I should tell Pete that it was alright for him to go and that his Mum would be waiting for him which I said and he slipped away quietly.
Some years before his brother died following a car crash and his wife didn’t let any of us know until it was over and so none of the family had the chance to say goodbye and how much he was loved
Of the two endings Pete knew he was loved so to be with your husband at this time will be comforting for him and I was told that their hearing is there to the end.
Thinking of you and you are in my thoughts.
Love Jenny x
2 Likes
Thankyou for all replies it does help . I’ve told him this morning not to fight it because of me , told him il always love him and he can go when he wants xx it nearly killed me to do it xx how much pain can a person take ? I can hardly breathe cos my heart hurts so much ,
2 Likes
@Martju I feel for you so much. This is so hard but you will gain comfort from having been privileged to send your love away knowing you have told him how you felt. As I said I cry every time I think of that moment but I am so glad in my heart that I had it. Love XX
1 Like
Mike 75 , thankyou , I’m so so scared of losing him , having massive panic attacks but I know I have to see this through , thanks for your support I feel I’m the only one with this horrendous pain but obviously not x sending peace and love , thankyou again
1 Like