Passed away on holiday

I lost my beloved husband on holiday in Spain on 13/10/2022. He was taken ill and admitted to hospital, where after a week he deteriorated and was transferred to the ICU. He did his utmost to stay with me and fought so hard but he sadly died a week later. My two grown up children flew out to be with him and we were all with him when he passed away. I am completely devastated. I remained in Spain with my son for another 9 days until everything was in place for my husband to be repatriated back home. I could not come home without him. My son and I got a flight back home with all the holidaymakers, whilst my husband was in a coffin on a different flight. It wasn’t until I got in my own home that the reality hit me so very hard. I think on some level I thought he would be there waiting for me. But he wasn’t. I was so strong in Spain, for my husband, for my kids, alongside all the difficulties of being in a foreign country and the language barrier, but I feel like all my strength has left me now. The funeral was almost 6 weeks after he died so I am only really just starting to grasp the enormity of how my life has changed in every possible way. We were married for 42 years and at 60 I see such a lot of emptiness ahead. I have read so many of your posts before I found the courage to post my own story. Everything resonates. The physical and emotional pain of missing him, the knowing that no one can possibly understand (and I would not want them to) unless they have lost their partner also, the relief of getting through the day, the sheer exhaustion of grieving and yes the ripping up of Christmas cards. In a way reading everyone’s posts has helped me, I now realise it is not just me on this journey but that others really do understand. Thank you all. I vow to make my husband proud.

16 Likes

Star 53
So sorry to hear of your loss and it must have been traumatic making arrangements etc
I think reading other people’s experiences makes us realise we not alone and it certainly helps I think this forum .
You take care and as everyone says take small steps at a time .it will take some time and it’s still such a shock .

4 Likes

Star. I thought it was only me ripping up Christmas cards. I feel so much better x

6 Likes

I think we all feel strong at the start of this awful journey.

But I’ve come to think of it as the phase where nothing seems quite real, you go through the motions and yes, you know it’s happened but you have so much stuff to deal with that’s what keeps you going.

But when it’s all done you have the dawning that this really is it. I’m only 11 weeks in but cold reality has set in now and it’s truly heartbreaking.

Keep on keeping on my lovely, its all we can do plus supporting each other here :heart:

3 Likes

Jasmine jelly
Yes I agree it’s been just over 2 weeks since no husband passed away suddenly

Last few days I’ve felt worse than ever . Don’t think it helps with everyone else preparing excited for Xmas -although I glad they not in my world at moment -

Can’t wait already for Xmas to be over feel like I’m cutting myself off from friends etc at moment as want to be on my own with my thoughts etc

4 Likes

12weeks not 2

1 Like

@Star53
So sorry for you in losing your beloved husband. It is like a nightmare isn’t it?
It will be 8 months to the day for me on Christmas Day, just to add another aspect to the day which already seems impossible to face.
I feel mostly that I have passed the disbelief phase finally, but that doesn’t make the grief any easier to bear, or the loneliness without the man I loved beside me.

I know I am lucky to have two daughters, one who still lives with me, which does help massively. It is still not him though and all we shared leaves such an empty hole.

I, like you, am determined to make him proud and use that to inspire me day by day.
I am 61 and my darling Richard was 60 and seemingly fit and well when he died. No age.

Keep strong and remember that love you shared. xxx

5 Likes

Thank you all for your lovely words of support. I am so sorry to hear of your losses too. This time of year just compounds everything so much. I’ve just been cowering in my kitchen peeping through my blinds in tears whilst a Santa procession parked up outside my house and the music playing was ‘Stay another day’. If only… but we know our loved ones are at peace now.

3 Likes

@Star53
I know what you mean. My daughter put some music on a few days ago and the first song was ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You.’ Well, that was the end of me - cue my Mum, brother, his partner and her daughter arriving to me sobbing! :see_no_evil:

Sending love to all of you dealing with our losses at this particularly difficult time. xxx

3 Likes

Star, I was out in my car the other day and Stay Another Day came on the radio and I just broke down in tears.

2 Likes

Thank you for your words. I try everyday to keep strong but today I’m really struggling. If others are hurting then I’m dragging down with them.
I don’t know how to cope with my own emotions let alone others and that’s not like me.

I’ve even told myself I have to become the person my husband loved again. I owe it to myself and him but today I just don’t have the strength. I just want all the hurt to stop .,

3 Likes

@Palmart
I have a lot of fluctuation in my emotions these days. Some days, or even parts of days, are better and I feel as if I’m doing well then maybe the next day I am a wreck again.
I think we can only take one day at a time and try and live through that day the best we can.

This time of year only makes it harder so I suspect we may have fewer times when we feel ok. If only we could give each other strength it would help but we can only support each other with the odd message and send love, which I do. xxx

2 Likes

Karen

I totally agree with your comments

I think we experience waves of emotion which can change at any time

1 Like

@Nel I’ve put quite a few in the bin wishing me a ‘merry Christmas ‘

Yes it’s the enormity of his loss, which will take time to understand X be grateful for the small reprieves in your emotions and don’t fill them with misplaced guilt X use that time to rest and be distracted so you can survive each day loving him, who was the only one who truly knew you X we are together with you in your loss.

1 Like