Hi silly question anyone else feel like they have changed since their loved one passed. I had a few grey hairs but since hubby passed I have a streak going on, I have no appetite whatsoever I eat as a matter of fuel, my growler reminds me, I simply do not get hungry, I have also found my taste in food has changed, developed aches n pains (been checked out they told me I have to destress). Anyone else?
I empathise with you totally. Your words could have been written by me.
More grey hair. Lost 2 stones in weight. Not hungry. Heart palpitations. Arms and legs covered in red flaky spots. All down to stress. The list is endless.
Before all this I was on no medication at all and was quite proud of that.
Our bodies as well as our minds take a hammering.
I unfortunately have gone the other weight and am comfort eating. I have a very sore lower back and my face is covered in spots I’m 45 and never had spots before. I have a permanent headache from all the crying.
Thank god sorry ladies, I thought it was just me! I have been told I internalise that I have to destress, I have had 5deaths in 5months how the hell am I supposed to do that, sometimes stupid words come out if smart people(doctors) nothing like stating the bloody obvious!
I doubt many of us realise the effect the mind can have on the body. They are not separate. It’s sometimes called ‘referred pain’, in other words psychosomatic disorder. I am not saying that all pains and upsets are ‘all in the mind’ and that’s why it’s so important to get checked out by your GP. But once told you are OK physically believe them. Often a person in stress or anxiety will ‘second guess’ and resort to Googling symptoms. A big mistake. Most of us are very vulnerable and open to suggestion. Dr. Google will just make you doubt all the more.
We need understand that we have suffered a life trauma which not only affects our mind but our body also because they are not separate.
I too get impatient with some doctors who seem to brush off our symptoms. When I asked my doctor if they had any training in anxiety related problems she said ‘very little!’ If they have not been where we are how can they know.
Oh yeah!!! ‘just’ destress yourself. It’s so easy to say but how do you do it? Of course you have internalised. What else would you do? It’s all theory with most of them.
You can do no more than go with it for the moment. No fighting or struggling with ‘IT’. Anxiety can play very nasty tricks on us and lead us up many blind alleys.
Heart palpitations are harmless. If you have seen your GP then take their word for it. It’s a very common symptom in anxiety. The electrical impulses from the brain to the heart are disrupted by stress. Don’t let them worry you.
If anxiety gets bad then short term medication can help. That’s if you want to. Medication can calm you and give you time to look at your situation. I have never found any need for anyone to be ashamed or guilty about taking medicine, but only that prescribed by your doctor. Self medicating can do so much harm.
Well, I suppose it’s all in one word isn’t it? Grief!!! It all stems from that.
Take care all and blessings.
since Alan passed away 17 months ago I’ve been diagnosed with a heart condition and unstable blood pressure, 12 months last January I had neither as I was thoroughly checked before undergoing surgery. I lost a stone which until 5 months ago, i struggled to regain, now feeling very uncomfortable at my original weight (can’t win, can I?). appetite haywire, I too have lower back pain not to mention sleepless nights etc, I don’t think we fully realised the toll of the loss of a husband/wife/partner has on our every day health, let alone our general daily life.
I used to think that when my mum started having health problems after my dad passed, it was because she had been too busy caring for him to be I’ll herself. now I know very differently.
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
My little friend has helped me enormously she stops me from focusing on things that I cannot do anything about which is the advice my husband gave me before he died, so I focus n what I can control rather then what I can’t. I do not think (and it’s not all their fault) doctors can dedicate the time to bereaved people. I personally also think that the isolated society that we live in now, we all hide behind technology too much, we as humans do not connect anymore, when my brother was killed (I was 16 he was 21) I was hugged, fed by neighbours, my nannies cupboard were magically full, the house was cleaned. I feel my grief has been dismissed almost like you’ve had a cough or a cold, are you feeling better now etc. Neighbours put their heads down, people turn away when they see you cry, friends fade and unless you search out help (like this site) it’s not there, oh you can have 6 sessions free with someone who may have studied grief in text books but unless you have experienced that particular form of grief wether that be for a child, a parent, a friend or a partner ( each one carries the same basic needs and reactions but each also brings a unique pain and loneliness) how can they talk to you about it, here on this site sometimes you don’t have to explain because people understand and have learnt their pain and therefore can reach out to you in yours. Phew cuppa tea needed, sorry rant over.
you’re allowed to rant, in fact it could become a pre-requisite . helps to put things into perspective and focus on the issues important to you at that time.
blessings and pleased your dog is improving, it is a worry when they’re not well, it’s not as if they can tell us what is wrong, we can only assume and hope we’re treating them as best we can
Been a worrying 4 days but she’s trying to sit on my head whilst killing a stuffed rabbit so think she is on the mend the sickness has stopped the other end,well ! Thank you take care x
Yes feel the same. I lost my husband in June and I never really feel hungry.So tired with aching arms and cannot cope with social demands or other emotional things.Cry just hearing about anything sad on the news etc.feel like an wreck.
Hi everyone. I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one that is falling apart. I have never been really ill in my life, never taken medication, never a hospital appointment. Yet only a month or two after losing Brian I was diagnosed with something that is the curse of our family and I thought I would get away with it as always fit and well. I did get it checked and as a result had an op. Now I’m paranoid, every ache I wonder is this something else attacking me.
I was eating rubbish, when usually I eat healthily and exercised. But have now got myself back on track. It was a scare that brought me to my senses.
Mentally I have so changed. I feel like a lost soul and don’t want to mix socially. In fact I dread the thought. I was never like this, it’s just not me. I can cry at the drop of a hat and have become a worrier about every little thing. One minute can’t stop eating the next I go without all day. Some nights can’t sleep other times feel exhausted and wake up late. (Dogs need walking).
I try to be positive, I really do and hope that one day everything will start to drop into place again and I can find some contentment again. I live and pray for hope everyday.
I also went through a phase of wondering what every ache and pain was. Especially as my mum was misdiagnosed for 4 months but I’ve worn myself out with that and have moved on to stuff I might have done 30 years ago when I was a stroppy teenager that might have upset mum. So when I read your words silverlady that we need to move on from things we can’t change really hit home to me. I know I was a good daughter. I know how much I loved my mum and told her all the time. She knows that. She knew that. God this grief is so flipping exhausting.
Since losing my daughter in June, her dad, brother and me have all felt constantly exhausted. I think carrying around the weight of grief just tires you out, especially when you have to try and be ‘normal’ , for work or a social occasion. All three of us are sleeping badly too, which doesn’t help. It feels like when your computer does everything in slow motion because of demanding background programs running that you can’t switch off. The pain is always there, you can’t pause it, or look away for a moment.
Within the first 2 weeks I went to the doctor and had bloodwork and xrays done. It was something I needed to do for myself. The results were all good - big sigh, thinking “oh good, I don’t have to worry over that right now.”. As LizDee says “the weight of grief wears just tires you out.” The first couple of weeks my feet felt like weights - there was no spring or bounce in my step - I felt heavy and weighted down. Grief is the most exhausting emotion I have ever felt.
I feel very fortunate because I am healthy, eating & sleeping reasonably well. I am working very hard at healing myself and I can feel a very slow response beginning. I treat myself as gently as I can, and try to lead myself away from the very black places. Che was very proud of the fact that we were so resilient and managed to take everything in stride, no matter how bleak the future seemed. He would want - he would expect - he would demand that I get my life in order and keep living the “adventure”. So I am trying - trying for positive mental & physical & emotional health so I can appreciate that light at the end of this tunnel…
**the weight of grief just tires you out"
I a man tired of being tired after a long day at work get home builders make a mess I want to tidy up. Be productive but flipping cold has laid me low. Need to get my mo jo back. Made a deal with myself that I wouldn’t fall into the woe is me pit, easier said then done, so trying to do things off hubbys list. My body and mind are refusing to work as one!
I like your thinking and approach and trying hard to be the same. It is a terrible journey we are going along and if we don’t keep ourselves as strong and fit as possible the journey will be even harder. I decided that the only person that suffered if I let myself go, was me. To get through this we must take care of ourselves. I try to distract myself if a bad moment comes on.
Today the weather is bad and I can’t go out walking or work on my allotment so I decided to do some changes around the house. Moving furniture and washing down kitchen cupboards and floors. Went on to do some Yoga and exercise. So far so good then a telephone call that upset me and down I go like a ton of bricks. So here I am on the forum still working at keeping calm. It seems to be an uphill struggle all the time and without Brian to talk to it all get’s a bit much and becomes an overload. I just want to grieve in peace. I did see a glimmer of light though while cleaning up and moving furniture around. When I had these moments Brian dreaded it. He knew what was coming. Cupboards being sorted out, things moved. The thought of him with a sour face at my antics made me smile.
Bloody mouth ulcers n a flipping cold
Don’t forget to pamper yourself! Any little, old thing that will help you feel better…
I feel as if I have aged 30years, aching bones, Palpitations.not sleeping. I refuse to take tablets to help me sleep. Just feel incredibly sad. Xx