Dad and I picked up Mums ashes today and its left me totally wrecked. We both sobbed our hearts out at Dads house, holding each other. Then I had to go home to work, Dad didn’t want me to stay. He went out and had a walk.
I cried all the way home and have felt fragile ever since. I won’t ever get over this and it still feels at times so unbelievable. I don’t know what to do with myself.
We are interring Mums ashes on Friday in the churchyard and then we are going to the pub to celebrate her life.
At the moment I don’t feel there is a way I can move forward. I’m existing and doing things on auto pilot but my head is wool and tears are never far away. I say I’m ok but I’m not sure I am.
Hi Kermit So sorry for your loss doesn’t even go near what your feeling. Be kind to yourself cry went you need it’s better out than in. It’s so early days for you just take each day as it comes. If you’re working I hope they support you well. My colleagues were great. They left it to me to speak as they didn’t want to upset me but the always checked that I was ok. And if I needed a minute to myself that was fine too. Try to find something good in each day to get you through. X
Sorry to hear how your story and how you miss your Mum so much. I too collected my Mum’s ashes yesterday. I just feel a crushing sadness that she is gone. I am staying alone in her home as I live a long way from her. I was with her when she died and it is a memory that keeps coming back to me. I am trying to keep the good memories in my mind. I know my Mum wouldn’t want me to be so sad - she knew I would miss her so much but she used to tell me I would be ok. I try and do things that make me feel better - this gives my head the space to remember the good times. Yesterday it was a walk on the beach. Be kind to yourself and I hope you find some space to remember all the lovely times you had with your dear Mum.
My colleagues are great and have been supporting me well. A couple of them know what I’m going through as they are recently bereaved too. It helps to talk to them and be a support for each other.
I had a rough day yesterday. Thank so much for your comment
Thank you @Clare8 Sorry to hear about you collecting your Mum’s ashes too. Some good memories of Mum are starting to come back to me as I too have been in that bubble of the last few weeks of her life. She struggled but was peaceful at the end when she was home - we made sure that we did that for her as those were her wishes.
My Dad brings me down to earth saying that she couldn’t go any further and we were lucky to have her for this long. Longer than he had his Mum who passed from the same condition. Mum is no longer in pain and she is not struggling to breath any more.
But she’s my Mum and no matter how much I think about the practicalities of it, it still feels so unbelievable and I miss her so much.
Settling down to work now. Today is a different day and I am taking it all one day at a time. Some are better than others. I hope you all have as good a day as you can. K x