Pointless

Last summer was such a wonderful summer. I had big projects in the garden lots of hedging and fencing. Bought railway sleepers and flowers. Denise wanted some old steps to put plant pots on couldn’t find any so I made her some. the garden by Sept looked great. Then Oct she’s gone. What was the point. I look out the garden now and it just seems such a waste of time pointless. Can’t bear to look at it now.

My wife was a talented gardener, and produced a wonderful floral display each year at the front of our village-centre cottage which was an annual talking point. Many people stopped to take photographs, or to compliment her on what she achieved. Sometimes they’d compliment me, thinking that I had some hand in it, but I was merely the one who did the occasional heavy job when asked. An image of the house, in bloom, appeared on the village Millenium commemorative pottery, and another has made it into “Wiltshire Life”, the pretentious county magazine.

Believe me, there is no hubris on my part. It was all Eileen’s doing.

I am trying to keep it up for her sake, but I haven’t a bloody clue what I am doing. I have tidied away the dead/dormant things, unsure of what will come up next year, and have planted up some things which I hope will survive the frosts and provide some winter cover and colour. Also, I have planted the bulbs and things which may, I hope, come up in spring.
I visit her grave each day, only a couple of hundred yards away, and keep it tended with a nice floral display. I have become a dab hand at using Oasis blocks as a base for posies.
Plants and flowers were so important to her, and I would love to do her proud. I desperately hope for her to guide me in the right horticultural direction.

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Keep it up in memory of your Denise, Stevie.

I think that the changes you made would have made your wife happy and you can’t put a price on that. Several years ago we employed our son, who is a builder, to remodel our garden with new walls and beds and I know my wife loved it. Immediately after my wife was diagnosed the garden was filled with colourful plants by my daughters and it gave her a boost. Two years ago we had a new kitchen fitted and she was involved in the planning. I look at our house and it is full of things like that. Most of those things were much more important to my wife than they were to me at the time but now they seem to have meaning, far greater than before, and I’m glad of it. I’m glad they gave her pleasure. I think that is very much the point.

Dear Steve, feeling as you do is understandable. There’s a whole lot of devotion to your lovely wife Denise evident in your posts. You’re grieving for the caring/sharing life you had together…as am I. Living our lives day by day meant trying to fulfil dreams and wants of our better half. How we would look for approval and how good did we feel when we got it right? You were able to do that Steve. You had the ability and gave your time…a most precious gift. Kind regards x

Your right at the moment I’m still reeling from the shock of it all. All I see are negatives and memories from the last couple of months which weren’t good but are at the forefront of my mind. I have to be like you guys and glean some positives however small from my situation thankyou for your replies xxx

Your right at the moment I’m still reeling from the shock of it all. All I see are negatives and memories from the last couple of months which weren’t good but are at the forefront of my mind. I have to be like you guys and glean some positives however small from my situation thankyou for your replies xxx

I wouldn’t worry too much about looking for positives. If you can deal with some of the negatives then maybe you could just sit in neutral for a while. It’s a very long continuum and perhaps looking for positives is way too far along it. Who needs timescales? Surely not us.

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