Having lost my soulmate/ husband 15 weeks ago I have looked around the house to have a clear out. i am amazed at the stuff we bought that really we didn’t need such as clothes, trinkets, ornaments, kitchen gadgets etc. Now there is only me I don’t need any of it. Nothing means anything to me and life feels so drab. Like a lot of people on here I put on a brave face to the world and get told how well I’m coping. They don’t see the tears or the aimless walking around the house or feel the panic and desperation that I feel. I’d give everything away tomorrow just to have my beloved Mike back.
I am with you on that one, Jean2. Why did we buy it all? It seemed so important at the time and now means nothing. The only things that are important to me now are the things Tony bought for me or pictures we chose together…
I totally understand where you are coming from. I lost my wife 5 weeks ago and we were soul mates.
Everything in our house was bought together and like you it means nothing to me anymore. Cupboards full of stuff that we have not used for years, just collected.
It is too early for me to start and clear things out but I feel like they can go. I find I do not have the same interest or motivation in these things or the house now my wife is no longer with me, but I try to keep going as she would expect me to.
Hi Jean, what you say about possessions is so true. I was only saying to a friend recently what am I going to do with all the stuff in the house. Of course when my wife was with me it wasn’t “stuff”, it was our fond memories of times gone by. It meant something then but means much less now.
I think I am doing quite well to the outside world, not that I see much of the outside world, but like you, I walk around the house with a feeling of panic and desperation. If only we could have them back
Take care, AL x
I was thinking the same and if the house burnt down what would I miss and apart from photos and a couple of pieces of jewelry given to me by David nothing means anything. I love gardening but when there’s no one to share it with it seems pointless too. I don’t feel like I fit into my life anymore and feel confused and lost -I hope in time things will look clearer for us all x
Hi I think it is a bit early to give things away. I lost my husband a week before you I have asked the children what they want one grand child asked for his after shave she is 10, one asked for his glasses and a sweet shirt to make into a cushion cover she is 19 .One of the boys wanted his slippers. I carnt look at things and part with anything just yet but I will when the time is right. So take your time and do what you feel is right every one is different . I was with my husband when he died and I thank god I was and that helps some how. I kept him at home it was hard work but I would do it all again even for half a day thinking about you and everyone that is grieving stay safe
Hi Jean, I understand completely. A friend came over in the week with his wife. He told me that I as looking good. I had made a special effort, nice top, make up and cooked a lunch, complete with a sponge cake with cream and strawberries. You get the picture? I presented myself as someone who was coping really well. He then said’ And how are you doing?’. At that point my voice shook and I said’ superficially I’m ok. Change the subject!!’ I could not talk about the loneliness and the futility of my life and how I felt. Someone else on this site quoted the words of ‘Tears of a clown’. We are all in this horrible boat.
AL2020 You are so right about possessions. When we had our spouse it wasn’t ‘stuff’ it was memories we made together. We must be grateful for that but it is all so painful to look at now and remember those good times. I hope you are coping alright but I do know how difficult it is.
Dear Friends, After reading Jean2’s message, it made me realize that it would be a blessing if all the young couples who believe that owning possessions and material goods could read these posts. It says a a lot about what our lives really ought to mean to us. How much does it cost to love someone? How much does it cost to know someone loves with all their heart and soul? When he or she dies - you can’t buy them back — Sometimes I think we waste our lives in pursuit of wrong values. My wife was my most valued possession — I’d give everything up to have one hour with here again. Great message Jean!
My love to all of you!!!
Al, Jean and all on here, I’ve just been reading this thread. How true, possessions just don’t matter, how I wish I’d realised this while Malc was alive. Now I have a house full of stuff, most of it amassed together though I was probably the bigger culprit , and it has no meaning at all. What ever was I thinking? Possessions don’t matter at all and I’d just love to get rid of everything. It isn’t even easy to donate to charity thanks to coronavirus, but I have started and made a very small dent. Al, sorry to be a pest but please could you explain again to me how to send a private message? Sorry to be gormless but I can’t find that post! Hope you’re ok by the way. Thank you. Love to allxx
Hi bjane, tap the name icon (on the left of the screen) of the person you want to message. This opens a new window, and at the top of that window tap Private Message.
If that doesn’t work for you just let me know. AL x
Al, you’re a star! Thank you very much xx
Sorry everyone, Possessions don’t mean a thing to mean — if it came that way to me, I could be happy with my lovely wife (I know she loved me), but she was the type that would stick with me no matter what! Of course, I would not subject her to that lifestyle but she had the stick-to-tive-ness to stay with me - mainly because she loved me. I loved my wife! How much does that cost???
Love to all!,
No you can’t put a price on love Herb. We were two teachers and never had much money but we loved each other and it didn’t matter. We had all we needed and I know Malc would have given me his last penny if I’d needed it. A kind heart is what matters. x
Thank you bJane, I just came across your nice reply. You are so right! We lived our lives just being happy together. She was the type to buy the cheapest of things but maintaining a sense of dignity. I never paid too much attention to it then, She was always looking out for me - wanted me to be happy and well taken care of — When I lost her, I realized I may have lost an Angel and not knowing it. Yes bjane, we never know what we had until we lost it it. Thank you again for your kind message.