Post Birthday Depression

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly numb and deflated. I celebrated my first birthday without my Dad yesterday. I got through the whole day without breaking down, or crying in floods of tears. I don’t always want to just cry! So I held myself together, but I fear that as a result I’ve woken up feeling worse than I did yesterday. And with Christmas coming up…ugh! Just being at the dinner table, and realising he wasn’t there eating with me for my birthday made me very sad. But I didn’t cry! I just swallowed my emotions. And with that, the day was over.

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Bless you! I know what you mean, sonetimes i try and avoid crying but it does usually feel worse and end up with even MORE crying the next day! Eventually i have to just get it out of my system.

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Same here. It usually comes like a storm when I haven’t cried in a while.

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:broken_heart::heart: So sorry. Having to cope with your birthday and Christmas so close together is a lot. Sending you strength!

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@ExperiencingLife although it sounds like it felt very painful for you be proud of yourself for surviving a difficult day…:pray: Keep going, our capacity for strength is greater than we know. Best wishes xx

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I just don’t know when to cry! It’s like I don’t have the capacity to keep feeling, so suppression? Save it for another day… But it builds and builds and then I completely explode from all the overwhelming sadness and pain. So exhausting :persevere:

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Thank you :heart:

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Thank you, I appreciate your kinds words of support. It’s taking a lot out of me, I’m quite exhausted actually xxx

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Yes, that sounds familiar… I thought that I’d almost managed a day without crying, but then I ended up crying uncontrollably, later that day.

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I still haven’t cried. Starting to feel quite numb now :confused: I just don’t want to cry because It’s so exhausting to physically and emotionally commit to feeling the wave and destruction of it all.

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Oh I see. Apologies - I misread your post. Do you have access to bereavement nurses?

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No need to apologise at all, thank you for sharing your experience with something similar. I appreciate your openness to relate :white_heart:

I usually do the same, but I just can’t bring myself to feel the heavy emotions right now. I don’t want too It’s exhausting. However, as a result of avoiding facing my emotions in real time and suppressing them, I’m becoming quite numb which is one of my unhealthy ways of coping with difficult emotions. Although, I think my mind does this to protect myself from feeling too much too soon with it recently being my birthday, and then just three days later Christmas and then a few days after that new years! It all feels like a punch in the gut, and it’s hurts like hell. If that makes any sense?

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Yep, it definitely does :broken_heart: