Probably a bit strange........

Hello. New here. My dad died over three years ago. Dementia and died in hospital as he could not longer eat or had any interest in life. My mum died in July this year, but was never the same after my dad died. They were married 62 years. Last year, during the pandemic, my mum’s best friend also died and my mum took it very badly. She lost all interest in everything and could hardly get out of bed. I was worried sick about her. I also had other family problems due to the pandemic and working in the NHS at the time did not help. My mum took another stroke this year and died in hospital after five weeks. She could no longer eat or drink. She was a poor soul when she died. It was a blessing. The strange this is that I now feel as though I am now grieving for my dad. After all this time. I wonder if it was because I was so worried about my mum. I think about him often and dream about him often. You would think it would be all about my mum. It makes me feel a bit bad, but it moves me to tears sometimes. You would think it would really be about my dear mum.


Hi Alice, So sorry for your losses. No it is not strange to be feeling as you are. Each loss triggers the losses before it, and could bring up grief from years past, that we might have thought we resolved ( as if that is even possible.) My precious little Sister died suddenly, in front of me from a cancer we were led to believe she was beating. She was my best friend, confident, and partner throughout our lives. I have been broken and inconsolable for the three years since it happened. In the last year or so, having been home more due to the pandemic, I seem to be re-living the tragic events surrounding my Mum’s death in 2012(also to cancer). Her illness was longer and in her case death was not swift and merciful. I now feel overwhelmed with these flashbacks of her suffering and death, compounded by my ever present grief and PTSD over losing my beloved Sister so suddenly… I dream of them both, but gratefully most of the dreams are comforting (until I awake). You are not alone in what you are experiencing. We sometimes put our past losses away whilst we are facing the recent one. But every memory of a death of a loved one is just under the surface, and it often takes another trauma to bring it to the surface. Take care and allow your feelings to flow without judgement. I am also in the Health Care field, and in some ways it helps me to refocus on others, at least whilst I am at work. Xxxx


you were too busy to fully mourn your father … so now you went back to do so. sadly, then the others would come.


So much loss for your Sister. My heart goes out to you. I agree with all you say and thank you for replying to my post x

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Berit thank you so much for replying. Yes, I believe I was too busy. It has just hit me now. Thanks again x

I’m so sorry Alice, that’s a lot to go through

I lost my Husband several years ago but like you, I lost a parent, my Mum, to Alzheimer’s a month ago. Similar to your Dad she was weary of life, not eating and drinking and in hospital. Dementia is no greater than any other loss but it is different and I think it makes a difference. There are several different aspects to the grief and it’s often said you lose the person “twice” and yourself, too. Maybe this could have impacted on your other loss

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Sorry, my message cut off there. I was just trying to say maybe the nature of the loss of your Dad may make things a bit harder to process, it may be that it takes longer but there is no time limit and it seems it’s a case of waiting for nature to take its course.

I’m sending compassionate thoughts to you, look after yourself.