Has anyone got an answer for procrastination.
I wake in the mornings after hopefully my normal 3 to 4 hours sleep with so many good intentions, by early evening still nothing has been achieved. My daily walks have gone by the wayside. It is now 6 months since my husband passed and up until a month ago I honestly thought I was doing ok. , Where has that time gone.
Many blessings to everyone. X
Tell me about procrastination! I have been meaning to take the car to a car wash for weeks now but every time I pass I canāt be bothered. So many things get put off and a lot of it is āwhatās the pointā. With no one to share anything with it often seems pointless.
But it really is not good enough is it? Things have to be done. The laundry gets put off, but when the washing machine is full I just have to do it. My wife was a good housekeeper and I have to hoover around and keep things tidy.
Once we allow this ādonāt want to attitudeā to creep in it can soon become a habit. Not easy? Gosh, donāt I know it!!!
But to me chores have always been boring, which is now accentuated by loss. AND I still make excuses for myself which is also bad. There is so much to remind one of the past when doing anything we did together.
Yes, where has the time gone? Itās nearly nine months since my wife died and it seems only yesterday. I am improving, I know that. I do see a chink of light now and then, and thatās a big thing. This grief thing is all ups and downs. They tell me it does level out. I hope so because itās not a very pleasant experience. No way.
Take care and Bless you.
Jonathan123, I had to smile regarding your car. I thought the wheels and wheeltrims on my car were naturally black until I finally took it to the car wash and behold they turned out to be silver. A very dear friend whose life is ebbing away, messages me most morning with a prayerful message but always finishes with āmake sure you find something to smile at todayā Today your experience regarding the car was my experience and made me smile. I was just glad when it rained.
Yes I believe everyone who posts on this forum has let their normal standards slip, I certainly have. I also believe it is also a generation āāthingā .
My husband and I were avid news watchers, anything to do with politics, football, rugby, cricket, fishing Since he passed away I havent been able to listen or watch any of these programmes, I just pick up headline news from my tablet. I find I cannot concentrate with reading.
My escapism has been the film Chanels. I dont wish to join groups at the moment I may consider a walking group as I love the outdoors.
Jonathan 123 for both of us it is still very early days, for me I was married for over half a century, (I know time is just as important for someone with only a few months or years) but I will certainly not hurry this healing process.
I also knowā meā and however long it takes, (small steps) and with Gods help I will come through.
Take care Jonathan123.
1 Like
Dear Peace45 and Jonathan123
Like so many others I am sure, your posts have really resonated with me! Three years on and I am afraid that I still lack motivationā¦I couldnāt tell anyone where the time has gone or what I have actually ādoneāā¦ but the days that seemed so endless in the beginning now seem shorter, generally calmer and more peaceful; there are definitely opportunities to smile ( if only to myself!) and my memories are now much more of a comfort than a tormentā¦slowly I am learning to just beā¦to live without Barryās physical presence whilst his spirit stays with me always. To everything there is a season and I have come to believe that each of us have been given this time of pain and grief for a reason which is actually beyond our understanding. There is a chink of light Jonathanā¦and I think it gets a tiny bit brighter with every step we take.
Take care x
Another one here who cannot get their act together and get on with things. I wake up with the best intentions, all the things that need doing that I could get on with. I am coming up to two years in my house I moved to and have only put three pictures up. The rest are propped up against the wall in the sitting room. At the weekend when I am not working by the time I have got up, had breakfast and had a little mooch around the house the day has half gone and seems no point in finding the hammer and picture hooks. Housework bores me rigid so keeping vaguely on top of the dust an hoovering is enough most weeks.
Go through phases of reading but the books have to be really gripping for me to bother beyond the first few pages. I stopped buying newspapers as never read them and couldnāt bear the waste of money. Seeing the headlines on TV is enough for me and I often drift off to sleep during them!
I think it is just a very slow process. I hope so anyway and that I will find my āMojoā as it is called again.
Dear amelieāsgran
Thank you so much for your encouraging message. Over the years I have heard family members and friends whose loved ones have died that the second year may have been harder than their first year, after the second year the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter, which confirms what I had been told.
I was comforted by what you said about memories as at the moment I try my best to not think too deeply as I find them upsetting. I can cope with photographs which again some people cant.
My personal feelings are it is so incredibly hard for us all but perhaps for some men who have to negotiate foodhalls and the normal household chores it must be awful. My husband did all the paperwork and I would have made a real mess of everything if my son hadnāt intervened and taken it all onboard and I was so organised, not anymore.
So thank you.
Many blessings x
1 Like
Dear Mel, thank you for responding, again I had a wry smile as I am looking at pictures waiting to be hung, like you propped up against a wall. My husband passed away 23rd January 2019 we bought a ground floor flat, the layout being perfect for my husband and only 3 mins walk from my son and family. The day before he died we took the keys. Living in the flat has and is a culture shock but perhaps it was for the best as in time I will perhaps use it as a base to visit family and friends around d the UK.
My son will say I will put those up for you (he has all the tools etc) but I will say oh leave it until the weekend !!!
Yep , I too just vaguely keep on top of the chores after all there is only me, sadly I can hear my husband saying ā leave that and come and sit downā my answer ā I have to finish doing thisā regrets !!!
I have taken up knitting again, not very good at it but it keeps my hands occupied. An acquaintance asked my daughter in law if I would crotchet a lap shawl for an elderly lady again havent crotchet for years so doing that.
Please keep in touch.
Blessings x
āTo every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peaceā.
Biblical text.
3 Likes
Dear Jonathan123 Thank you for reminding me of the whole of that Bible message.
My faith is very important to me.
As is this:
We can make it
The journey may be long ahead of us, the light at the end of the tunnel not yet visible.
But God is here with us.
Place your hand in His and walk forward with him,
Unafraid, unharried and at peace.
Blessings
Thank youā¦that is beautiful . Sometimes it takes a little time to find His outstretched hand but once our hand is in His He will not let us go. Blessings reciprocated x
Amelieāsgran thank you, yes it is beautiful and very poignant.
Since finding it in a daily reading in June, I return to it when I need reminding I am not walking this unbearable journey alone.
May you also find strength from it.
God bless x
āGod Knowsā
And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
āGive me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.ā
And he replied:
āGo out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.ā
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.
And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East"
Minnie Louise Haskins.
.
So heart be still:
Hello Jonathan123, you have reminded me of another beautiful reading, thank you.
I suppose to some, it may seem strange that with a faith we still experience this unbearable pain mixed with grief but we are human beings that have/had the capability to love/loved our most dearest.
I told myself ages ago, āsmall steps,ā today I took a gigantic leap,
driving on the M1 for three quarters on an hour during morning rush hour, to visit a friend who has been asking me to visit for three months. I decided today was the day. Mission accomplished. Lol
I have been driving 57 years, although my husband did most of the driving.
I have a photo of Dave attached to my sun visor so I feel he is with me. I am looking on this as progress, hope so.
Yesterday I had a head shoulder massage (not neck - arthritis) as I could feel tension taking hold, from my normal 3/4 hours sleep pattern I went a full 8 hours, fantastic. See how long that lasts.
Oh yes I still procrastinate, ironing needs doing, washing up needs doing, hoovering needs doing. Windows need doing. There is tomorrow. says she!!!
Keep strong, Take care.
Hello Peace45. Well done on your achievements today. I too have photos of my husband attached to the sun visor in my car. Wherever I go, he goes too. Take care xx
Inspired by others and this thread I put up a smoke alarm in my kitchen today. Have only had it eight months sitting on the side waiting to be done!
Thank you Crazy Kate.
Great minds think alike, I feel comfort with Daveās photo watching over me, as I always have the visor down. Itās not a distraction.
I have never felt my husbands presence since he died but today driving on the M1, I kept thinking shall I stay in this lane or move over to the slower lane, then I could hear him saying ā stay in this lane, you will only have to move over when vehicles drive from the slip roadā so I did and everything was fine.
The road network had better watch out now, !!! our son who lives in Devon said this evening right mum āyou can do itā
Now that would be a challenge, my husband would say 'go for it ā
Keep strong x
Well done Mel,
Now that is what I call incredible, you must have felt that everything seemed so pointless ( just what Jonathan123 feels) to have waited 8 months to put up something so important. Your small steps have suddenly become wider.
Even if tomorrow you take 4 steps forward and 2 back you are still 2 in front !!!
Ha, says me who still needs motivation to get on and do housework, Boring !!
Take care, keep strong
āGigantic leapā!, my goodness, it was more than that. Never underestimate an accomplishment like that. It takes a lot of courage and determination. I donāt want to sound patronising, but well done. You should be proud of yourself and I am sure Dave is proud of you too.
Yes, faith can take a knock when all this happens, but I believe there is so much we donāt know about life and death and our little minds are unable to grasp the enormity of it all. We will know one day for sure, but until then we need to āsoldier onā.
That door about which someone posted recently is still open. We can go through it or sit looking at it. When the time is right for each one of us we will go through it.
It does take courage to get up and go there.
Your sleep pattern is good, but donāt say āsee how long that lastsā, rather, āthank God it has returned to normalā. Thatās a positive attitude.
Now take care. I read your posts with interest. You are a courageous lady. Best wishes.
Good afternoon Jonathan 123,
This forum is such a privilege.
I certainly do not take your encouragement as patronising, more as a thank you.
The ironing completed while watching, may I add, a Christmas Film.
Escapism!!
Now to conquer M&S foodhall, quick in and out, cannot cope with supermarkets they are too overwhelming.
Then maybe a short walk, Maybe!!
Friday maybe a good walk. Maybe!!
Saturday a duvet day, absolutely hate Saturdays!!!
Take care
Throughout my life Iāve been a procrastinator of the first order, never do today what you can put off until tomorrow when it came to things I didnāt want to do.
Iāve just returned from 16 days away in Wales, touring in my Campervan. Before that I had three weeks in Devon and Cornwall, and a week in Northumberland. Basically, Iāve been running away.
My wife died in August last year and our home is indelibly stamped with her mark, the wardrobes and drawers are full of her clothes and personal items.
This morning I decided I would make a start on sorting her things out and sending them to the Sue Ryder shop, a cause dear to my heart. Iāve achieved a lot this morning as I realised that my three daughters werenāt that interested in goi g through their motherās things. Iām going to text each of them, giving them a final chance to see if there is anything they want, and then the bags go to the shop.
I think I may just have reached a point where it was the right thing to do. I think my wife would have been amused that it took me so long and Iām fairly sure the word ātypicalā would have been in there somewhere.
I think Iād better have a critical appraisal of the garden next.