prolonged grief

My partner of 40 years died in 2019, and I feel I am stuck in my grief. We all know grief isn’t linear, there are constant ups and downs, but I feel I am stuck in a scary and sad place: I feel sorry for him for dying too young (he was 66), I feel bereft of our future together, I constantly feel anxious and lonely, I am scared of my future, I feel immense guilt about what I could have done differently while he was alive, happy memories are no comfort, I miss him so much, and don’t know how to go on. I have 3 amazing adult children, who are a great support to me, but I feel so lost without my husband by my side. How do you move forward, when everything seems so bleak and sad?

2 Likes

I know exactly how you feel i lost my wife in 2017 after 53 years of marriage and have felt guilty and grieved everyday since then. I have a son, grandchildren and great grandson whom i see regularly but that still doesn’t take away loneliness just keeps my memories alive. I hope there will come a time when i will lose the guilt but am not wishing for it. I know this will not help you in what you are going through but at least you know you are not alone.

2 Likes

My husband of 30 years was also 66 when he died suddenly over 9 years ago and I still have meltdowns occasionally. I had one this morning and am wondering if others still have them after years and years. Both of my sons got married this year and I’m thinking about how much their Dad loved them and how wonderful of a grandpa he would be when they have their own children. At times like this I feel so stuck. I met someone a few years ago and we got engaged but we realized it wasn’t a healthy relationship and we called it off. I had entered it because I was lonely. Even still I long to be “special” to someone but I don’t want to be with someone else. It’s so confounding. I just want him back to share in our history and to love our sons. No one else can do that. When I start down this thought path I just get so frustrated and yell at God and him, “why did you take him? why did you abandon me?” I know that all I can do is accept what IS. I don’t like it and I want it to be different. I have made new friends, joined groups that I enjoy, started hobbies, generally enjoy myself and my life. But I still want what I had. Is this just a matter of accepting my feelings? Does anybody else relate?

2 Likes

I can relate to what you are saying and going through. Although my wife of 53 years only passed five and a half years ago i have cried for her everyday since and more that likely will until i join her. My life really is messed up and miserable.

1 Like