How difficult it is to try to live a “normal’ life when you’re grieving. To try to go out and do everyday things like shopping and to know that your life is never going to be the same again. After 8 weeks without my wonderful Mum, the shock and numbness is slowly beginning to wear off and reality is setting in. It’s so hard to think that I’ll never see her again, talk to her again, hug her again. I tell people who ask that I’m ok, but I’m not - inside I’m crying so hard.
I’ve been told it just takes time and that things will get better at some point, but I can’t ever see that happening. So I tell people I’m ok, and I put my brave face on, but on my own, it’s just so hard to cope with.
Will it ever get better, because it just seems as though it’s getting worse with each passing day.
Time is impartial and indifferent. Time in itself will do little to help. But with time you will come to accept things as they are as the nature of things and slowly gain the courage to live your life to the fullest. I promise you, one day, you will smile and laugh when you remember your mum. My heart goes out to you.
I am going through exactly the same, it’s been 4 months since my mum passed and I think of her all the time, and tell everyone I’m ok , but I’m struggling to believe she’s gone. The thing that keeps me going is keeping busy doing something different every day. My heart is broken, it does feel a little easier to get on with life but I miss her so much.
Please don’t feel you are alone people are very understanding and caring on this site , and know what you are going through because they have experienced grief to . Look after yourself and remember your mum is with you everyday watching over you x
Only I sincerely hope you will eventually feel a little better.
I get it completely about you not seeing the point in brushing your teeth bathing etc.. I feel the very same I have no motivation at all since my partner died 6 weeks ago.
It’s been 33 years since I lost my Mother its an awful pain indeed.
I wish you good look through this horrible journey x
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It is so hard isn’t it. I lost my lovely mum just over four months ago and I don’t feel it is real sometimes. I understand how everyday things seem so hard. You’re using all your resources to process what has happened. I think about mum every day and talk to her. I have a few tears most days but the last few days have been a little better. I write a journal which has helped me. I know mum is with me and looking out for me and that brings me comfort. I hope you find some comfort from posting here and knowing that people here do understand as we all are going through similar
Dear Sheena, 8 weeks is such early days when you compare it to how long your Mum was in your life for, so its completely understandable that everything still feels so raw and painful right now I’ve just reached my 2nd anniversary of losing my Mum but I still remember those early weeks where the pain was all consuming and totally overwhelming and you just dont know how youre going to get through each day, but somehow you do Its a huge change your mind and body are trying to cope with and that takes time. Your brain is literally having to rewire and update its map of the world that it once knew because suddenly everything is different. Everyones grief journey is unique and there is no set timescale, so just try and focus for now on getting through one day at a time - its all about survival in the early days and taking care of yourself as best you can. If you imagine yourself in a boat on a stormy sea, and your grief is the waves crashing against the boat, at the start the waves are constant, but over time you may notice that the space between each wave starts getting a little longer. But its so gradual that its hard to spot. Thats where journalling can be useful when you can look back and see how far you’ve come.
In reality, the grief and the loss doesn’t go away, but you start to learn how to live with it. I read that grief is just love with nowhere to go, so I like to think that every tear I shed is just my love for mum coming to the surface.
Thank you so much for your lovely words. It means so much to know that others do understand and to learn from them that things will start to improve at some point, although that seems a long way off right now. It’s just so hard trying to even begin to make a “new” life for myself without my mum in it, and there are times I’m not sure I’m capable of doing that.
The support and comfort from others on this site is amazing, knowing what we are all having to cope with, so I’m sending love and strength and hugs back to anyone out there who needs them. Take care everyone and look after yourselves.
Hi, my mother died last night and I didnt expect to receive such kindness from strangers… I am so deeply sorry for your loss, truely. I read something that had said that just acknowledging that you aren’t okay is okay. I’ve been telling people that I am crushed but that I’m okay with feeling that way, and that is okay. My mum is my safety, I ran to her when things went wrong. She’s the person I rang when my daughters were born and I was scared… She always had my corner.
This is scary, and I don’t know what the future holds for any of us going through this, but I know that we are going through it together at different stages and that you will have support, because “our mamas raised us right.”
I am so so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel and I’m sure many others do on this site as well.
You’re right to say we are all at different stages, and wherever you are on this journey we don’t want to be on, someone somewhere will always have a bit of advice or comfort to offer. It’s so hard sometimes, but with support you will find a way through, one day, one hour or even one minute at a time. Just look after yourself and let the feelings come - cry, shout, get angry - do whatever you need to do to get you through.
I hope you have good family and friends to help you during this difficult time. Sending love and hugs, and keep posting if you need to.
x
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Its a huge change your mind and body are trying to cope with and that takes time. Your brain is literally having to rewire and update its map of the world that it once knew because suddenly everything is different. Everyones grief journey is unique and there is no set timescale, so just try and focus for now on getting through one day at a time - its all about survival in the early days and taking care of yourself as best you can. If you imagine yourself in a boat on a stormy sea, and your grief is the waves crashing against the boat, at the start the waves are constant, but over time you may notice that the space between each wave starts getting a little longer. But its so gradual that its hard to spot. Thats where journalling can be useful when you can look back and see how far you’ve come.