Am I wrong to put on an air of normality for family and friends when in fact the opposite is true.
2 Likes
Hi Jobla if you are struggling and people ask if you’re ok tell them that you’re not ok. Trying to go it alone will make our journey worse if that’s at all possible.
I’m sure this forum will help you enormously.
Take Care
Hi @Jobla ,
Hmm… This is actually a hard question to answer, only you know what is best for you, in some ways it is best to be honest, but at the same time, sometimes we say we’re “ok” when we’re really not because we can’t stand people fussing, this is ok, loosing a loved one is heartbreaking, & sometimes it’s ok to need time to process everything, especially when it’s all so raw, & sometimes people ask how you are out of politeness, but don’t always know how to respond to an actually honest answer, it’s at times like these you learn who your friends are, but remember, those that mind don’t matter, & those that matter don’t mind. You should be able to be honest with family though, if it’s a family member who has passed, they will feel the loss to, & may feel comforted by your honesty, & be glad they have someone they can talk to that understands what they are going through.
On this forum, we are all going through our own bereavement journey, so feel free to talk on here as much or as little as is comfortable. Sending hugs of support.
Hi,
I lost my mum quite suddenly on the 7th Jan. I’m struggling to cope with it and find the only way to cope is to put a face on for family and friends. I’m keeping busy, having weekends away, meeting for lunch etc. Some triggers set me off and every so often I crumble. I try not to dwell on things but when I think about my mum I get a wave of horrendous sadness and need to think of something else. I’m still off work but planning on going back in a couple of weeks. Life will never be the same…
1 Like
Sometimes you just have to because people become tired of your grief. My husband is tired of mine and now there’s nowhere to take my pain. Nowhere to share it except on here. Where thank God, people understand.
3 Likes
I phoned cruse bereavement counselling which was good because you can talk and have a good cry in the comfort of your own home to a complete stranger who is happy to listen. Yes I feel my husband doesn’t want to see me crying all the time so I try not to in front of him. His mum is unwell which is another stress.
1 Like
Cruse is a good idea I guess. I may try that one actually. Thank you xxx
1 Like
It does help❤️
Hi @Ellie76 & @lindamcp ,
Sorry to hear your partners aren’t supporting you. No-one else can tell you how long you’re allowed to grieve, this is your grief journey, it’s your choice how you choose to grieve, if you feel in need of a cry, it’s understandable, whether the bereavement was last week, 2 months ago, 2 years ago, or 10 years ago, you have a right to your own feelings. For most of us, there will always be birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, weddings, milestones, & there will be a connection of sadness that the person we love can’t be there to share it with us, we are entitled to how we feel at these important times. Personally, my boyfriend doesn’t understand because both of his parents are still alive, he hasn’t felt the heartache of that loss yet 
, sometimes I feel like screaming at him, “is it too much to ask to get just a little support,” sometimes I talk on here, & sometimes I call Samaritans, no-one in my family knows this, but I have there number on speed dial for emergencies, under the name “SAM” they’re not just there for people in crisis, you can call them when you’re having an emotional moment & just need to talk to someone. Sending hugs of support.
2 Likes
Definately not wrong - no reaction to grief is ever wrong. It may not be the smartest decision at all but you’re also not the only person to have done this and you won’t be the last.
I’ve also found myself acting like I’m fine, and it’s absolutely catching up to me. I bet if I’d accepted the help offered to me sooner I’d be coping a lot better with this loss, but again rational thinking doesn’t come hand in hand with grief, it clouds your judgement. I know I’m a big hypocrite for this but actually reaching out for help, whilst incredibly difficult, is the best thing you can do, I have learnt recently that grief is not something you can do alone. 
2 Likes