Hello Mary
You’re right, it’s so very hard to see a future. I saw a councillor once who told me to concentrate on today and not worry about the future. The problem is that I wasn’t worried about it, it’s just that it’s hard to envisage and I think it’s only natural to think about the plans we had together. I guess the trick is not to dwell on it, but that’s easier said than done.
Because of Phil’s work we planned our time together. Even if it was only to plan a quiet weekend to ourselves we had time together to look forward to.
No matter how many lovely family and friends we have, they can’t replace that feeling of being a partnership, that caring and sharing (and also annoying each other) that couples share.
Sorry I don’t mean this to sound so negative. It’s just nice to be able to put it into words.
I hope that in time we’ll feel less “stuck” and are able to see some sort of different future in front of us.
Take care x
Hello again, Mumma_J
You are not being negative at all, just realistic, it is very hard to envisage our lives ahead. It is easier said than done not to dwell on our loved ones.
It is over 9 months since my husband died, this morning I put out my arm as I always did and was upset that Stan wasn’t there, I did this in the earlier days and I thought I had got out of the habit, but no I started again doing the same thing. I was quite shocked to find him gone, I suppose when you have been married for a long time it does hit hard. We have been married for 59 years, it really is so hard to come to terms with it.
Take care,
Blessings,
MaryL
I know people do mean well but it doesn’t help we lost our son at 7 months he would be 17 now ive been told so many time i need to move on or youve got other children the best one is always i need to man up 
People can’t really know until it happens to them.
The things they say can be so hurtful, they mean well but it’s just more pain for us .
Thinking of you x
Dear Stephtim, I agree. I was visiting my Dad’s grave (he died of Covid in April) and was about to fill up the watering can to water the flowers - when a complete stranger walked up to me and demanded to know if where my Dad’s grave was - was “where all the covid people were buried away from the others due to the infection risk”. I told her she was more at risk from standing in a supermarket than being in a cemetery. I was amazed that a stranger would say such a thing. I felt like hitting her over the head with the empty watering can (I didnt) …my apologies if this offends anyone…
I’m amazed at things some people say, I would’ve felt like hitting her over the head with the watering can aswell, I’ve lost count the amount of times I could of punched someone.
You haven’t offended, how are you doing ?
Hope you’re ok. xx
Hi Stephtim, Thank you for your support! I was so taken aback by this woman’s attitude - especially when you think of the vast numbers of people who’ve died from covid and the pain their families, friends and colleagues are going through… I’m getting there but it’s slow. Fathers’ Day was painful as lots of memories surfaced. I managed to register with a new GP - who is lovely and supportive. I still haven’t returned to Nursing - have been off since mid April and have to speak to Occupational Health today. Have had counselling through work which ends this week and the counsellor says I have burn out. Have registered with Cruse. I try to imagine myself nursing Covid patients again and how I will cope with the triggers…I just don’t know. Just can’t make a decision… How are you? How are you coping? x
Good luck RCB.
My god, it beggers belief, such a thoughtless, ignorant person to make such an offensive comment to a grieving person in a cemetery. You haven’t offended me I can assure you. Cause I would certainly have hit that person with the watering can after emptying the contents over her that is. She needed to be named and shamed anyway. Must have distressed you. Some people can be so cruel.
Hi RCB,
Thank you for asking, I’m ok, just finding it hard to get through without my husband, still can’t believe it.
Father’s day must have been very hard for you, it was for my daughters, it was a very sad day, everyday is hard, but certain days like birthdays etc are so painful to get through. Glad your new GP is supportive it makes such a difference, and hopefully cruse will be of help. It must be so hard for you thinking about returning to work, Your job must be so hard and stressful anyway, but losing your lovey dad to Covid and having to face Covid patients it’s going to be tough, don’t know how you do it.
Take care. thinking of you
Steph x
Thank you, Mary, gonna need it! Big hug. Rachel
Dear Pattidot, thank you x My Dad had only been buried for a couple of weeks and my daughter’s 22 year old friend just buried beside my Dad - and then this complete stranger being really invasive and judgemental about covid. She didn’t seem like the brightest of people but it was really difficult to hear. It upset me for a while but some people are cruel and some people are dumb and cruel… I just think about my Dad and how lovely he was and how lucky I was to have him as my Dad, bless him x
Thank you, Steph, I hope you and your daughters are coping xxx Some days are really tough. Today is tough, cried a lot. I feel like I’ve lost my Dad to this awful virus, I’ve lost my childhood - as my only sister left me to manage both parents and did nothing to help - no visits, phone calls or cards sent to my parents in the last year of their lives - so I can’t even talk to her - and now, I’ll probably have to leave my career after 29 years as a Nurse. It’s very painful, life seems full of loss. I feel wracked with guilt that I’m not nursing. I work in Emergency so its tough. I work in a lovely Team but the bottom line is that I have to be able to nurse very ill patients safely and promptly - when I just feel broken and exhausted. I’ve been off since mid April - nursing my Dad until he died, arranging the funeral - no help from my sister, having counselling and being told I have burnout. Grief feels like fear to me and the feeling that I’m failing when i should be coping. Its just awful… Rachel x
Hi Rachel ,
Sorry you’ve had a bad day, sometimes it’s best to just cry and cry as the pain builds up inside and we need to let it out, it’s so hard. It’s such a shame about your sister not helping through the years, it’s upsetting when that happens, it was the same with my sister over the years, but we have started talking again, life’s too short.
You’re not failing, you’ve had so much to deal with and what with your high pressured job no wonder you feel you can’t cope. You have to think of yourself and put you first, don’t feel guilty about letting anyone down, you can’t do your job if you feel broken yourself. Maybe you should think about taking a different direction, you need to put yourself first otherwise you’ll never feel strong enough.
Take care
Steph x
Hello Steph, thank you for your lovely message x It was one of those days and I needed to cry it all out. It was tough for my parents having a daughter who didnt phone, visit. It caused them both a lot of pain and made my Mum angry - which exacerbated her poor mental health. I was constantly trying to support them and bat away awkward questions from family, carers, my parents’ friends - and in the end, I just explained that she was one of life’s “invisible carers”. I sat with my parents on my own, when they were dying, my sister told me that this was my choice. Hell, yeah… I’ve text her and her husband since Dad died but no response, people tell me to stop, but it’s not so simple… With work, I was nursing covid patients before possibly getting the virus myself. Watching my lovely Dad die from covid was harrowing. It really is an awful virus to die from - and I’ve seen a lot of death in my career - but I found this traumatic to witness. Thank you for being so understanding and saying to put myself first. I have spent my whole life looking after other people and I know you are right. Thank you xxx
Dear Jobar.
My god - you were good. A smack in the mouth sounds appropriate to me! What a stupid woman. That said, she is clearly not worthy of you, so ignore her. Wipe her out of your mind. She doesn’t exist, right?
But we do and we are with you. You might end up stronger after this but before that, you have to come to terms with losing the person that meant most to you in the whole world. Good luck with that, my darling. My thoughts are with you . Stay strong, not because of what’s happened, but because you were loved.
X