Today is 3 days shy of 6 months since I lost my beloved husband to cancer. I’ve been having set backs the last couple weeks with uncontrollable pain and loss for him. I feel a little better today, as I was looking at his photos which I have everywhere I came to the realization ever so small that I must accept this new life. It’s hard, feels impossible but I must. Anyways thought I’d share. Thinking of you all 
Pam
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Dear @Gumby
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your insightful post. I’m coming up to 7 months since my husband passed away. My brain is also beginning to adjust to the fact that this is my life going forwards.
Some days, I am more accepting of this but other times my brain rebels against it. For instance I haven’t been able to get the inscription for the headstone done. That would make reality hit like a punch in the gut and I’m not strong enough for that yet.
Recognising that our internal world has been shattered but the external world continues to turn, although painful, is our reality.
Take care x
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My thoughts ar with you Pam. I’m still at the stage where I feel as if I haven’t really got a life any more, so I’m hoping that acceptance will come with time.
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I’m not sure acceptance is even the correct word, there are really no words to describe what we’re going through. Heartbreaking and lonely just a few. I did see a ray of light the other day that lifted me up a little. I felt my husband’s presence, I talk to him all the time and know he doesn’t want me staying in the deep dark place I was. What a path we’re on, only one way to go and that’s through it. Peace 
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I have to get the regrets and what ifs out of my head. Being extremely mad at the oncologist, the whole medical team who treated him. we had just entered hospice only days earlier, she said he wasn’t going anywhere soon. He got an infection that wasn’t diagnosed, after 3 trips to the ER and discharged hours later, I know thats what killed him in the end much sooner than the cancer would have. I filed grievances etc to which they replied Thank you for your concerns. It hurts!
One more thing, I haven’t paid the out of pocket bill for the chemo/immunotherapy. They sent us to collections. I just can’t get myself to pay for treatments that killed my husband. Ok I’m done, thanks for listening. Pam
Im sorry for your loss I also lost my fiancé TJ to cancer its been 3 months and I miss him so so much… and now his family have turned on me and dont speak to me which is hard because ive lost the connection to TJ with them… cancer is a horrible thing. I also lost my mother in law to cancer
I’m so sorry for the loss of your fiancé to cancer, yes cancer is the devil, I feel that some of the treatments the doctors push are worse. The treatments are very costly and they provide little hope, just excruciating side effects which are more deadly than the cancer itself in my husbands case. False hope, not every person responds the same. They honestly did not care, we were treated like lab rats instead of human emotional beings. We live in USA Northern California, our Medicare is Kaiser. Disgusting and awful medical facilities
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