Really down.

Hello everyone, the past few days have been a real struggle. I went back to work last week; just 3 days. I work from home, so that’s a blessing I suppose. Since Friday I’ve been really, really down. I hate waking up and realising this is my life now. It will be 2 months on the 4th when my whole life was destroyed. Sending love to you all xx❤️

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Bless you. I hope you will find some sort of peace. Mine will be 2 months on the 10th. The day my world stopped turning. All else carries on, I don’t know how to. I cry every day. .

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It’s just awful, there really isn’t any words to describe this pain. It’s mental, emotional and physical. Thank you for your lovely response. Sending you love and so sorry for your loss… reach out to me anytime… x❤️

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Thank you. How do you deal with the pain? I watched my Dave die and the images stay in my head. I am told I should try to put them aside, but I don’t know how. How do you function day by day? Do you sleep?

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Not at all…but…. I am not a person for pills etc. but I do take a sleeping pill at night; I won’t sleep otherwise. I had a nights being awake; those small hours are just devastating… it’s just a living nightmare and I can’t wake up…sending you hugs and love xx​:heart::heart:

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Hi. I think the weekends just get to us . Hurts more than other days .even though every day is a struggle . But I know we spent all weekends together . I loved Friday nights knowing work was over and we could just do nothing. Together . Hope your work gives you a little distraction. But your properly like me your husband on your mind every minute of every day . Sending hug xtake carex

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Thank you for your response. I’m just devastated… we had so many plans for the future, had our winter break booked for the 12th of December to Lanzarote…I’m just heartbroken… sending love to you lovely xx​:heart::heart:

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It’s hard to even think of a future without them . Can’t find any motivation to do anything ,not even housework .But I do get up and go to work . Only because needs must .still have to pay bills . Messaging on here does help . It makes me feel less lonely . Only people who have lost there true love understands . Xtake care xX

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I totally agree. I never thought I would ever be in this situation. It’s silly really, one always had to go first. My Martin was 47 and we had ( in my eyes) this entire future together…. My heart breaks for us all… sending you love and hugs… x❤️

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47 is so young my husband was 59 .and I thought that young . I think when your so madly in love and have found your soulmate you just think you will go on forever . Or till your really old . But sadly we and others have found out that doesn’t always happen in this s… life. Only thankful if that’s the right word ,that it’s me suffering not husband . He had enough suffering with pain and treatment from cancer . Love and hugs to you xtake carex

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I totally agree…. I’m still madly in love with my husband. I can’t imagine that ever going away. It’s the prospect of the rest of my life without him. I know we all say this but, my marriage was magical, we were everything to each other, I was so lucky to have him; he was amazing… my heart breaks for us all… I’m sending you a big hug… x❤️

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Oh my goodness are you sure you were ready to go back that early? It took me 4 months after Steve passed away and I’d had a month off before he passed. I only went back because I get 6 months full pay and then goes down to half pay and I couldn’t afford for that to happen and needed some in the pot in case I needed more time.
I also had to go out to work which was probably better than sitting on your own at home. Is there anyway that you could go into work rather than do it from home?
Sending many hugs and much love xx

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I work for an American company, so it’s fully remote. It’s hard but I’m not doing my own actual job yet. Just supporting a few projects and not having to attend meetings. I was just spending my days on the sofa doing nothing, I know that I’m depressed but refuse to take antidepressants ( heard some awful stories re: side effects etc) it’s just so hard to know what to do. I don’t go out anymore. My brother comes and stays a few nights a week and Martin’s Mum calls over every Thursday. It’s just an awful time, I miss my husband so much… sending love x❤️

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I feel exactly the same. I never thought I would be a widow at 49. My husband died 16 weeks ago tomorrow. I tried going back to work after six weeks. I lasted three weeks then my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer and if floored me again. Tried to return to work for a second time last week. Only did three half days but it was so hard. I can’t focus and I’ve lost interest. It isn’t me. I loved my job. I’m back tomorrow and dreading it. I am so hurt that not only have I lost my beloved husband but I’ve lost myself as well. I did nothing to deserve this. Neither did my husband. His death was unexpected. We’d booked a beautiful villa in Greece to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary and his birthday in September. I’m now thinking of how I can escape at Christmas. I can’t bear the thought of his empty seat at the Christmas table, or putting up a tree without him. Sending love. You are not alone xx

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I am so sorry, my heart breaks for you. I really wish I hadn’t gone back to work, everyday I seem to be getter worse, at times I can’t breathe. Life is so cruel and cold, Martin and I had so many plans for our future, that’s all gone and tbh most of me went with him. I know how you are feeling , reach out to me anytime… sending love x❤️

Oh I forgot to mention Christmas, it was our favourite time of year…. We also had a Villa booked in December… I think I will stay in bed that day and sleep…. Xx

My lovely gentle supportive husband died 8 weeks ago tomorrow, we were with him when he died, it was horrendous. I dread every day. It was so unexpected and fast. No time to come to terms with anything! I don’t think I will bother with Christmas! Waking up alone Christmas morning will be SO hard! We always knew one of us would go first, but thought it would be old age that separated us, not a fast growing, untreatable cancer. Life just is just sh

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my wife tracey died very suddenly early september last year so im a bit further down the road then some here .life is horrendous its as simple as that ,as others have said i have learnt to wear a mask most days to hide how i really am and the saddest part of doing that is that version of yourself is how people think you are and that your coping and getting on with the day to day .Most mornings i wake up and contemplate killing myself and then find myself at work smiling nodding along with people as if i dont have a care in the world.My wife was 51 i am 43 and the possiblilty that this might be my life for potentially a number of years terrifies me .i have a fantastic family and friends and yet i am so alone and so isolated because nobody else is HER and she is all i want .I truly hope for everyone here that their journeys get easier but my main point to day was to say strap yourselves in as its a horrible ride x god bless you all

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So sorry for the loss of your lovely wife. This is absolutely terrifying, I am so sorry you are still feeling this way, it’s just dreadful. I went back to work last week, I have decided today I’m taking the rest of the month off. Who was I trying to kid going back…. Sending you a hug x❤️

my love and support to you and everyone on here Dottie x i am self employed so i have to work i went back within a fortnight but ive never really settled .I find i take days off when i just ant motivate myself to get up and get on with it .today is 1 of those days .xx

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