Really struggling More at night

My partner passed away suddenly 2 years ago in his sleep just 30 yrs old and we have 3 young children and I’m really struggling I have bad anxiety at night and I’m up a lot checking on the kids to make sure there breathing it’s getting worse and I’m thinking the worse if one of them has a lie in I’m in checking thinking all sorts :sob::sob::sob: could this be PTSD?

I think sometimes things do get worse as time goes on, probably as you realise that this is it and they are not coming back, have you had any form of counselling? It sounds as if you could benefit from some, have a word with your GP or Sue Ryder does offer a counselling service, sending love Jude xx

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Iv not spoke to anyone as I feel like I’m a burden on people but everyone is there for me I’m just a nightmare and hold it all in till I’m myself :sob: but it really is getting worse I’m so exhausted and feel terrible for being so down all the time as I still have my 3 young boys but there to young to understand properly to

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Your post resonated with me so much!
I had zero anxiety when my Mum died in 2017, but then my Grandma got ill just 6 months later… finally got diagnosed with MND in March 2019 before passing away in Feb 2020. Felt numb afterwards, but then my partner’s Dad died suddenly in August 2020 and it was like the anxiety just crashed over me all at once (in my head, it was: ‘oh my god, everyone around me is dying!’) Really tipped me over the edge the following month when (of all things!) my dog got quite ill with gastroenteritis. I couldn’t believe it was happening again. I had my first panic attack at that point and spent the next few months an absolute nervous wreck. My poor dog was the one bearing the brunt of my anxiety- every little sound he made, I was up and out of the room because I just couldn’t deal with any more problems (it’s worth noting that he had a history of seizures which are usually preceded by vomiting, hence my distress at any unusual sounds). I still can’t be left on my own overnight with him, but I’m getting there (albeit, now, I also get worried about myself, health-wise- constantly panicking that something unusual is something serious).
I do genuinely think the anxiety and health-checking is a form of PTSD. I’ve done the whole counselling thing and it doesn’t seem to work for me, but I really recommend starting with counselling if you are able to (it only doesn’t work for me because I’ve a myriad of issues alongside all of the losses). Please speak to your GP- it’ll definitely be worth it :slight_smile:

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