Really struggling

I lost my mum very suddenly in May she was not ill and was only 56 and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I know people say they are close to their mum but I really was so so close to her she was my best friend and my whole world and I was always terrified of loosing her. I have no other family no brothers sisters aunties and I had to do everything for the funeral etc on my own. As you can imagine since May everything is now done and I have a new job and am trying to “move on” but I am struggling big time. I feel very lonely even though I have friends there for me I feel nobody really understands how I feel and I do not want to burden people with me constantly being upset. I am scared of what the future holds for me my mum not being there when I have children or get married for example. I feel like getting on with life without my mum scares me because I am afraid I will forget life with my mum. I am always upset and have managed to do well in my job and put my feelings aside but I struggle with forgetting things at the moment. I know all this may not make sense but I wanted to talk to people who may understand how I feel rather than people just saying “yes I know what you mean” to help me when they don’t. I have never had to grieve for a loss and my first one being my mum has been so hard.

Dear Sarah,

We are all in same boat, dint know it is this hard until it happened to us. I lost my dear father in January and I wasnt with him and couldnt see him enough as back home they bury the same day… I am going through various emotions… I have mother and my brother and a daughter… that is my only comfort… I can only imagine your pain when you are handling all these alone… atleast you were with your mother, you did all you can unlike me… if you have one friend who can listen endlessly go for that… hope you soon get strength… am thinking to attend counselling… did you think so

Hi I am so sorry to hear that. That sounds like a very difficult time for you. My mum died at home alone so unfortunately police and coroners were involved and it was a long process so it took nearly a month for me to be able to lay her to rest. One of my mums friends has suggested maybe I should go to counselling also but I am just not sure yet and I don’t know why. It is such a hard process to handle. Thank you for your words.


Hi Sarah

So sorry to read your post. Mums are so special aren’t they. Like you my Mum was my best friend, always on my side and would stick up for me and was there for me whenever I needed her. Losing her last year for me was the worst thing I could ever imagine and I agree the hardest to deal with.

You have been incredibly brave dealing with everything on your own and I am in awe of you doing so. And starting a new job too. I have a sister so we did a certain amount each however there have been many problems both then and since so I no longer see much of her. I found one of Mum’s friends came forward and looked after me then and has since. She has always been ready with tea, tissues and sympathy. Like you I didn’t want to burden others but knowing there was someone I could call on if needed made the world of difference. I didn’t incidently very often, just knowing she was there was enough.

If there is one person amongst yours or your Mum’s friends that you can feel you can open up to then do. I found the emotional help of someone older, almost a surrogate Mum, was so good.

You won’t forget life with your Mum. I am not going to say it gets better, it gets different. A year on I am not upset every day but have times when life still feels very difficult. Today is one of them! Be gentle with and kind to yourself.


Hi Mel,

Wow thank you your words really touched me. You really do understand what this is like to deal with and I am sorry to hear of your loss also.
Yes my mum was my support she was the one person in this world to have full confidence in me. I am so sorry to hear about you and your sister sometimes a big person in people’s lives passing away can strain relationships.
Like you one of my mums friends has been there for me from day one. Her and my mum had made a pact whoever survived who would look after the others children/child and yes it is nice to hear from someone who has been there that leaning on her can be a really big help.
I love your honesty that it doesn’t get better it gets different I shall cherish those words thank you so much.
Sarah x