Can’t see a reason to go on.
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you may not have a reason but going on is of value in itself. some of us don’t have a reason either but we continue to live. so take it a day at a time and try to do for others and yourself. just offering compliments is a worthy achievement. so how about just living and maybe one day a reason may arise? even if not, it is honorable to keep living as a good person. 
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Thank you for your kind words! Just not coping right well right now!
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Samarítans not answering
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then perhaps type out an email. I write them a lot in these last years. sometimes, it is SO long! I pour out all of my feelings and problems and get it off of my mind. you can do that and hit send and you get a reply very soon. they allow one to write as much as they need to. they are an excellent service.
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Keep trying the Samaritans. You are only 55. Your loved one would not want you to die. Tell us a bit about yourself and your partner. It really does help just putting it on this site.
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Chick,
Tell us something about you and the person that you have lost,what did they do for a living ? how did you meet ? how long ago did you lose them and how it makes you feel ? We will all be able to connect with you as we are in the same situation and we want to help if we can. Keep posting on here and talk to us,we are thinking of you. x
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Hello @Chick,
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. I hope the Samaritans answered - well done for reaching out for help.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there. Here are some more options to explore:
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @Chick, get in touch with one of these services.
Take good care,
Seaneen
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Hi I can see where you are coming from, I lost my wife of 32 years 11 weeks ago today, she was my world my everything we did everything together, I lived to be with her, we had so many happy times., since that day I have cried every day , my life is now nonexistent and a world of pain and loneliness, I don’t know why but every day I still get up and carry on hoping one day I might see her again. I try to be strong, well that’s a joke, but what can we do, this nightmare has started and we are trapped in it, try be stay strong, I keep telling. Myself that my Julie wanted to live and fight for as long as she could and she would want me to do the same. Take care. X
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Feeling a bit better this morning. I find it hard going to bed alone, I miss our hugs, and knowing he’ll still be gone when I wake up, if I manage to get any sleep at all. It sounds corny when you say it out loud, but he was the love of my life, my one & only, my lobster. It still doesn’t feel real that he’s gone. I know I’ve got to carry on living because that is what he wanted, that doesn’t make it easier, I just miss him so bloody much!!! The future seems empty and pointless. Thank you all for your kind words. I hope we all find a way through this wilderness of grief.
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@Chick . I am so glad you decided to come back and post and feel better this morning. You will find loneliness is a standard feeling. We all hate the empty beds and miss the hugs. There have been some creative ways to make it feel like they are still with us. A pillow. A piece of clothing. Something with their smell. We seem either to sleep a lot or not at all. I was a not at all. Please speak to your GP. I couldn’t take sleeping pills but they have helped others. Please stay with us. Love and virtual hugs. Sandra
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While my husband was in hospital I washed everything. I mean everything. Dressing gown…the lot. I wanted it all to be nice and clean and fresh for him when he came home. Then he shocked everyone by dying, and I have nothing that smells of him. He smelled so wonderful. Just the natural warm scent of his skin and hair was heavenlt to me. The last thing I did when I left his body was smell his hair and kiss his head. Now I’ll never smell him again.
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Yes you mean with samaritans ? Yes you can send emails and they reply within 24 hours … the phone line is awful , you can be on hold for over and hour ! Had to use myself when my husband passed … Its awful that so many people need their help … just shows you what an awful world we live in nowadays ! Decades ago we wouldn’t have needed these as much because people actually “talked” in those days !!! Xx
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A bad day for me too. I keep trying hard to be strong but every day is bad and today is just constant tears. I cant breathe at times, the pain is so bad.
There must be a way to be with her again without risking eternity in hell from suicide
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Hi Chick, life goes on as it must, life is prechas and we all have a place in the wold if we are open to it, life is not a bed of roses for any of us and it was never meant to be, and many have pondered the reason for life, let me tell you this. everything is interconnected, this life,the next life, our selves, to each other, by time, in space, to nature, to matter, antimatter(possibly dark matter that astronomers are interested in and may account for the missing matter, that is quantum physics) we do not yet understand these interconnections for they are very complex and we have not as yet been able to model them on a computer but some scientist think if we could we would have the answer to everything, but maybe in this life we are not supposed to know everything,
I have recently joined a monthly lunch club and a bowling club and have made some good fronds through it, people who I would not have met had my mother not died and yes, we all have are mortal span on earth and at 95 she was a respectable age, her death leaves me alone in the world, but I am slowly rebuilding my life and am in the transitioning fraze from being my mothers full time carer to moving on with out her in the physical form(she regularly comes through to me from the other side since I went to a clairvoyant and perhaps you should consider doing the same)
The best way to honour your loved one is to make a success of your new life,take care oif your self, eat properly and sleep regular hours, you never get over a real bereavement, but you do get used to it, I sometimes have ‘dark moments’ and to some extent we are all suffering from bereavement depression or post bereavement depression, that is a clinical condition and if you are not improving after 6 months then you need to seek help but I found 2 books very helpful, ‘You are not alone’ by Carian Lloyd, the founder of grief cast is one I think you should read, so is 'Climbing out of depression 'by Sue Atkinson, second is very entertaining ware she compares us(and herself) to lemmings climbing out of a deep pit up a rock face.take up new hobbies, join clubs, paragliding or body building if it floats your boat,get out of the house every day, do not feel guilty about going out with your friends, you have loved and have been loved, that in itself, makes you a worthy person and one day you may find love again, I am 63 and never have, count your blessings, hang in there, it will be a bumpy ride but don’t give in to that little voice in the back of your mind telling you you can’t go on, good luck.
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… just shows you what an awful world we live in nowadays ! Decades ago we wouldn’t have needed these as much because people actually “talked” in those days !!!
SO AGREE
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Big hugs, completely get the going to bed alone hardest part of the day for me is the empty bed. Keep talking it helps I’m only a message away if you feeling that way again and need to talk 
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I keep delving into the unknown. Reading a lot of books about grief, the afterlife, quantum vibes, how to raise your vibration… it’s fascinating stuff. How the ‘soul’ is immortal, and around us, and they are at a higher vibration, and we need to move ourselves to a ‘higher vibration’ through joy, love, compassion, etc. What I would have once thought as total ‘rubbish’ by psychics, etc… I now am beginning to believe there is a whole lot more after this that we just don’t know about yet and some of it is beginning to make a bit of sense to me… I just keep reading and maybe one day I will finally understand what on Earth this life is all about!! xxx
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Thankyou for your response, yes, there is so much more to everything then we can possibly know in our humdrum, day to day lives, Trenchard Dowding, of RAF fighter command did a lot of research into clairvoyance and spiritualism both during and after the war and often had contact with his first wife who had passed on, I had a strange experience the night after my twin brother died when a movement detection light in my room started going berserk as I was settling down to sleep, I moved it to another part of the room and it still continued and sounded as if something was hitting it everytime it timed out, for some reason I called out to my dead brother and asked if it was him and the light behaved its self, I tested it the following morning and could find nothing wrong with it(I have a degree in electronics) even my clairvoyant does not really know the answer but is the sort of thing he would do and something similar happened to a close friend of his 50 miles away the same night(I learnt this later after raising the matter in the eulogy) distance no object in the next life?, at least no gas bill or need off a car, maybe you should find a reputable clairvoyant, I know of some but am not allowed to recommend them on this site and people (who on the whole have not had paranormal experiences) are quick to rubbish it but what do they know?,to hear is to forget, to see is to remember, and to experience is to understand, I found it a mind opening experience and was very surprised to find my father coming through who had passed on in 2008, my niece was in before me and the clairvoyant asked her ‘who is Michael?’ he was her late father, my twin brother, you will get far more out of a reading then any book, it is the difference between reading about paragliding and actually doing it!,
good luck.
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John, do not even think off it, I am the night watch man and there is no one left
in my nuclear family and I have been told from beyond that I would be letting down the side were I to end it,(I considered it in the early days and it would have been very easy with my knoledge) we cannot knock our own bails off just because everyone else is out of the batting, that is not being a team player and we have to play by the rules, and yes, all the evidence I have found suggest we are all reunited with our loved ones when we pass on(I was telling this to my mother long before she became ill and my clairvoyant pretty well confirmed it in the reading after her death) I am not offering you a panasear, there is no suger coated pill for bereavement, what you are suffering from, and all of us on this site are to a grater or lesser exstent is bereavement depression or post bereavement depression and I can recommend ‘You are not alone’ by carrian Lloyd, the founder of grief cast, the second is ‘Climbing out of depression’ by Sue Atkinson, both very good books written by people who have been ‘through the mill’ and know there arse from there elbows so to speak and NOT written by snotty nosed academics who know everything about nothing, the best way to honour your loved one is to make a success of your new life, if you are still very depressed after 6 months then you need to seek proper help and there are people who work in Sue Ryder who can help with that, yes, remember our loved ones and the happy memories and I have mounted my mothers ashes on the wall in a descent looking casket under a photograph taken at her silver wedding anniversary and it is the best photograph I have ever found of her and is how I will remember her, but we must also move on, not to do so would be in my book dishonest and not what are loved ones would have wanted,I suggest you find a reputable medium and clairvoyant, I found it a revelation, one day you may love again, life goes on, as it must. good luck.
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