Hi there just wondered how many others going through bereavement have awful feelings of worthlessness since losing a partner. Particularly when I wake during the night, my loss of my soulmate feels unbearable after 12 months since my husband’s death. At 69 years old, I can see little future without my husband as gone are all our outings etc not to mention his companionship and love. We were so lucky to have been married for almost 49 very happy years, he was then gone so suddenly and unexpectedly. Just seeking reassurance I’m not alone in what seems a very sad lonely world. I’m lucky in that I have 2 wonderful sons and 3 wonderful grandchildren. Despite this, the void my husband has left in my life seems relentless. How do people get through such sadness and not feel so worthless? I realise we have no choice and to just make the best of our loss. Unless you have experienced such a huge loss many people don’t understand how lonely life can be. I hope I don’t sound self indulgent in my sadness as I am trying so hard to survive my loss.
Hello @Maisie7,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
Hi @Maisie7
I certainly understand, I was much like you, I was 74, married for 49 years 11 months, when Penny died.
Desperate times indeed!!
That was over 3 years ago, I couldn’t imagine how the rest of my life could possibly be tolerable.
BUT, slowly , with a positive attitude (plus sheer bloody mindedness) my life has rebuilt, I’ve got new interests, a new attitude (thankyou, Mindfulness).
Don’t despair. One of the most important things which happened was when a friend, who was bereaved, said to look at my future as a new chapter in my life, and make it as I might want it to be
You can recover from this, keep faith in yourself.
Thank you for your reassurance which is greatly appreciated. I am trying hard to be positive and to keep busy. I’ve joined the gym and attend 3 times a week, apart from benefitting from the exercise I get
chatting to other people so am socialising. I have been to a bereavement group for the past 6 weeks but not sure that has helped much but it has got me out and amongst people in a similar position to mine. I also attended a chat group but didn’t find that was for me. I need to find more ways of occupying my time and filling the huge void left by my soulmate passing. I miss the life I shared with my husband so much as we were always out and about together since retiring, had plans for our future, all gone.
Anxiety strikes every now and then that he’s gone and at times I still can’t believe I will never see him again. Trying to get used to living on my own is difficult too but know I have to accept this. Thankfully I have my dog who is very good company who also gives me a reason to get up in the morning. I hope my account helps others in this position as I know I benefit from reading how people who are in a similar position cope. Sending hope to all in bereavement.
Hi again @Maisie7 , your reply seems to indicate that you are already being positive in rebuilding. We will always have sad, anxious times, but they ease, and the times in between get better and better. I couldn’t sleep last night, so I got up, went into the conservatory and talked to Penny for an hour about odds and sods, that was lovely.
I decided to dig out and dust off my ukulele and rejoined my old group, one of my colleagues in that group bullied me into joining her choir, then on a complete whim I bought a flute and am learning that. It’s amazing how one decision can open so many new doors. My two little dogs have been a huge support and an ongoing link to her
Now I’ve just become a volunteer boarder for Guide Dogs (another door opening).
I’m confident you will be ok. It takes time and effort, but you should be proud of yourself for starting your journey positively
Thank you for your reassuring reply.
It is good to hear it’s possible to build a new
life after losing someone so close. Friends and family have said I’m doing really well, it doesn’t always feel like that with the outbursts of loneliness my new life brings. I was so lucky to have had over 50 years of being with my soulmate, not everyone has that. However it does make his absence harder to accept and live with. I do try to find the positives in my new life which I feel
is a good sign I’m moving on with my new life. It is so easy to be filled with negativity when losing your partner. Again thank you for your kind words, I wish you well with your new founded interests.