Thank goodness Christmas is over - now we have New Year’s Eve to get through. Like me you will probably want to go to bed early to avoid it. I can really relate to you both forgetting for an instance that our husbands have gone. I spent ages on the Computer today and I suddenly thought Geoff will come in a put a cup of tea down ( just like he always did) and then I remembered he’s not here.
I too am walking around in a trance trying to avoid people in the Supermarket and then trying to get home before the tears come.
I haven’t been on an online forum before but it really helps to know there are others who share the pain of this experience otherwise I really would have thought I was going mad.
Grief is such a lonely journey. None of my wider family have been in touch over the holiday. I suppose they are waiting till New Year ’ when I will be back to normal’. They have no idea what I am going through. I don’t think I will ever be back to normal.
My heart goes out to you both because I know what terrible pain we are all in.
Yes you’re right.
I’m calmly numb at the moment, but I could be led screaming on the floor any minute.
I think we’re doing well to put on a brave face!
Have you got any voice messages on your phone?
I have heard the same sentence so many times now. I don’t know how the messages and the voice messages are still there, when my husband isn’t. I’m glad they are though.
I am also heartbroken that I have never had a dream about my husband who died six months ago. We were married for 66 years so why am I not seeing him? I have also forgotten the sound of his voice. Please someone tell me that I am not going mad. It’s almost as if, on that terrible day last June, he was wiped out of my life forever. I miss him so much and hate my life as it is now. Eileen
Well done for getting home from the supermarket before the tears, I’m the one in Tesco with tears streaming down my face at the sight of Jelly snakes!
Yes, my husband was a big fan.
Hi Eileen,
I haven’t had any dreams of my husband either. You are not going mad.
We have been together for 39 years, and I can’t even picture his face without a photo in front of me. I can’t imagine his voice without listening to voice messages. I feel the same, its like my mind has wiped him and just left me as a shell.
Hi Virgo
I promise you are not going mad reading the posts I think we are just not ready to see our husbands or who ever we have sadly lost .
I have sat at night before trying to get to sleep asking praying shouting out to my husband George to come to me in my dreams I think we have to just wait and hope it happens soon .
I know like us all your life has changed so much and my heart truly goes out to you we all feel your pain hopefully we can all help each other through the good and terrible days we have to go through I send you a massive hug .
Lily
Hi Yvonne
I’m so glad this site is here or I think I would be lost it feel so much easier chatting in a way to so many people who are going through the same experience .
I went in to a shop the other day with my daughter in law and saw a jumper that I knew my husband would like and I turned round to say to him do you like it and of course he wasn’t there I felt as if someone had punched me in my chest I just burst into tears .
It is so many things daft things I look in the mirror and I see a woman who is broken and lost but like you and everyone else on this forum I hope we can support each other on this journey no matter how long it may take we are here for each other in the good days and the horrendous days take care .
Lily
Thank you, Lily, especially for the massive hug. I think we all need the comfort of someone’s arms wrapped around us. I am not staying up on New Years Eve but will say a silent prayer of thanks that 2017, when my world fell apart, is over. I hope that everyone manages to get through it and that 2018 will be much kinder to us all. Eileen. xx
Hi Eileen
I don’t come from the mainland I live in the western isles and every new year my husband and my self would come to my sons on the mainland and go on New Year’s Eve to watch the fireworks with all my family .
I’m staying with my son on the mainland just now and I’m going with all my family on New Year’s Eve todo the same as I have done with my husband George for the last 10 years .
My family said that we don’t need to do it if it was to much for me but I feel I want to do it . I know it is going to be heartbreaking to do it this year with out the love of my life holding my hand but i feel I need to close this year doing something that brought so much joy to my husband George and to say good bye to this horrendous time .
I know I am going to be heartbroken for a long time to come as are we all i just pray that we all get through new year and every other day in a way that helps us be kind to your self and take care I send you a other massive hug.
Lily
I understand how you feel about going to the New Year’s Eve fireworks, especially as it’s something you did with George for the last 10 years. It is a way of feeling close to him. I did the same sort of thing on Christmas morning. Every year for 40 years we used to go to Geoff’s Catholic Church for the Christmas Service. This year I went again with my two sons. The memories replayed in my mind. I was overwhelmed with grief and sobbed most of the way through. I’m still glad I went but unfortunately however hard we try to control our emotions we just can’t.
I hope you can get some comfort from doing something you have always done as a family but take plenty of tissues just in case and don’t feel bad if it becomes too much. We loved our husbands and we are hurting. It will take time for us to adjust to
our new lives.
Thinking of you and everyone else who will be going through another milestone on our grief journey at New Year. I just want it to be over - and then what?
Hi Yvonne
I would like to tell you it so heart warming that you write my husbands name George so many people that I talk to out side who new George don’t say his name and I find that hard I know that sound stupid .
I promise I will have plenty of tissues with me it seems like that’s all I do is cry it is such a wave of memories.
That was lovely that you went to you and Geoff Catholic Church with your sons I know it must have been so heartbreaking but well done you for finding the courage to do it I hope some were in time it will bring some kind of peace .
I have nursed for 30years and have seen grief in my work place so many times and I hope and pray that I did everything to show my heart felt sorrow for the family’s that have had to go through the passing of there loved ones .
I hope to God Yvonne that in time this gets better for all of us and we can all look back and remember Geoff George and everyone else who has sadly passed and remember all the happy memories together take care and thinking of everyone else on this sad road .
Lily
Hope you don’t mind me cutting in Lily. My Husband too had a massive Heart Attack with hardly any symptoms. He fought against the resulting Congestive Heart Failure for 10 months before he lost the fight against the damage the Heart Attack had caused. My Husband too didn’t want to hurt me with how poorly he was but I’m still upset about how frightened he may have felt about it. They put on a brave face for us didn’t they, that takes courage and some strength of character doesn’t it. Sending you, and all on this thread compassionate thoughts.
Hi Tina
My husband George was a happy funny man who I know loved me as I know your husband would have loved you and I’m sure still does .
Like your husband George would just talk away as if nothing had changed and everything we dreamed of doing would still happen so I did the same with him even though my heart was breaking it does just show what amazing loving brave men they were to try and protect the ones you love . I’m sending you and everyone all my kind thoughts take care of your selfs and be kind to yourself .
Lily
Just looking for someone else in the same sorry boat.
How can we carry on? I seem to have stopped. I cant see the point of waliking or talking?
Is this just me?
Why wont he come home?
No, Carera, it’s not just you. Six months after losing my husband I am still hating everything about the life I have now. I don 't want to get out of bed in the morning to face another totally empty day, and all I want is to have him back even though I know that is not possible. I don’t know how to carry on with this awful loneliness but have to try for the sake of my family. Sorry I am not able to give you much comfort but it does help a bit to post your feelings on here. Warm regards. Eileen
Thanks Eileen, it does help somehow to talk to people who understand. Thank you your words are comforting. I’m sorry that you feel like this. Its unbearable.
I too have family that I try to stay strong in front of. Luckily they are grown up with their own families-small children which keep them busy.
My husband died in October, and some how leaving 2017 seems so wrong. I don’t want a new life.
Thank you for your reply.
Karen
Hi I lost my partner of 26 years on the 8 th november to cancer, all happened so suddenly not knowing he had cancer till 3 days before her died, so he slipped away quite suddenly…iv been In a complete fog of guilt, denile and I really can’t see a future of coping without him. I am a very spiritual woman and often sence by smell of a loved one around me…but I don’t sense nothing it’s as thou one minute he was talking to me then gone. The first month I coped quite well but now I feel I’m just crying most parts if the day…so glad Christmas is over and managed to do new year…but can anyone tell me if it gets better in time …thankyou in advance if anyone can help me x
Hi I lost my partner of 26 years on the 8 th november to cancer, all happened so suddenly not knowing he had cancer till 3 days before her died, so he slipped away quite suddenly…iv been In a complete fog of guilt, denile and I really can’t see a future of coping without him. I am a very spiritual woman and often sence by smell of a loved one around me…but I don’t sense nothing it’s as thou one minute he was talking to me then gone. The first month I coped quite well but now I feel I’m just crying most parts if the day…so glad Christmas is over and managed to do new year…but can anyone tell me if it gets better in time …thankyou in advance if anyone can help me x
You are not alone Lily. So many of us are suffering. I have just lost my beloved partner to a heart attack. This is the third time in my life that i have lost a beloved partner. Twice already i have trodden this very hard road and each of those times, new and wonderful happiness came to me. I hope and pray that we can all come through this and move to an easier place.
Hi Mumsal98,
I wish I had some good news for you but I’m not much further in to this hell, than you are.
My husband died at the end of October, we had been together 40 years in May. I am a complete wreck.
It does help to be on this site and to talk to people who know and share the vast sense of emptiness and loneliness. I am truly sorry that any of us have had to join this site.
Do you have any family or friends to keep you company?
Hopefully you can find some comfort here x