Recent loss of my husband

Hi I lost my husband suddenly 3 weeks ago. He went to work as normal and I never saw him again. He was 55. The feelings are so raw. My heart is broken and I just want to curl up and cry all the time whilst trying to be brave for our 2 children aged 21 and 19 who are dealing with their own grief. It seems to be getting harder every day. He is in my mind every minute of the day. I just keep laying over him jn hospital and the time he died and hoping that he knew just how much I loved him. Despite havjng the boys at home I feel so lonely. I just want my husband back. I have never felt pain like this before. There are times when I just cant catch my breath. I know it is only recent and his funeral was only on Friday but I miss him so much. I keep panicking as I can’t remember his voice. I am having our wedding video converted to dvd and I am dreading watching it but can’t wait to hear his voice again. We had been together 28 years.

5 Likes

Hello @Vonny36 - I am so, so sorry - what happened to you and your husband is really hard to bear. It is not surprising you are so raw. Even after 2 months, my feelings of loss and bewilderment remain strong, too. I have good days ( I posted about dancing here this morning) and bad days, too. Grief isn’t linear, rather, for me at least, it is an ocean, with tides and currents pulling us under, throwing us high, dragging us along. You are doing well - it is only 3 weeks since he went. You will get many big hugs on here from people like me, who understand completely how you feel.

I reckon in long, loving relationships, both parties know how much the other loves them. I know T knew how much I love him - this love continues, Vonny, it really does - our love for those we lost is timeless.

The way I handle those really wobbly times is to talk to T - to tell him how I feel and to seek his reassurance. It comes, Vonny, it really does.

Welcome to your Sue Ryder family - you will find love and support on here, from many people who know and who are with you. Take care today, and be gentle on yourself. x

2 Likes

Thank you so much for your reply. I have been talking to him. It is all just so raw. Its not helping the fact that he was cremated which I wouldn’t have want but he had always been adamant about that so I could not go against his wishes.

The only thing I want is the one thing I can’t have and that is him back.

I will.love him forever

3 Likes

Hi Vonny,
I am so sorry for your loss. I had the same panic as you about not remembering my husband’s voice. When we were married, it wasn’t the normal to have it on video.
But I found the DVD of our daughter’s wedding, I cried all the way through it and listened to him chatting to our daughter and other guests and of course the wedding speech.
Of course I hadn’t forgotten his voice but the panic of grief sets in.
We have been together for 47 years, 44 married this month, he died 13 months ago but you are very early on your grief journey give yourself time.
Love goes to you and your boys X X

1 Like

Hello Bonny
My heart really feels sad for you. My husband to whom I have been married for 52 years died unexpectedly on Monday. He was having a routine surgery procedure and died whilst it was being done. I am walking about in pure sadness and despair. Tears won’t stop and I wonder how to go on. I know how bad you feel right now and it is so hard. Please look after yourself and maybe in time we can feel better. Do look after yourself. My thoughts are with you.
Carol

2 Likes

Oh Vonny, my heart goes out to you. I remember being numb, cold, shivery, pale, unable to sleep, unable to do anything other than try to remember our life before. The laughs we had, the things we did, always together.
It’s almost 14 months for me since I lost my darling husband, I don’t know how I’ve got here, but I have.
Time passes, whether we want it to or not. Some days I did nothing much, other than wait until the next day, the next morning, the next night.
It’s hard, I can’t deny that, but please, keep reading how others deal with the loss of a partner, and keep writing your feelings down. It will help you.
We do understand how you feel, we truly do.
Yes, you will love him forever, and his love for you will get you through x

1 Like

Sorry for your loss. Thank you for your comments. I keep reliving the events around his death and how he was in hospital etc and I think it is blanking out his voice. The dvd of my wedding should have been back from the shop a week ago so that is not helping as j just want to watch it and hear his voice and see his smile x

2 Likes

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you also. It is so hard. I feel like it is getting harder each day. People tell me it will get harder before it gets better but not sure it will be better as he is not here. X

Thank you so much. Sorry for your loss. I will read through. I am currently either crying or talking about him or both. I am currently reliving the 3 days he was in critical care before he died snd his last moments on a loop and am having to look at photos for memories. I need my wedding dvd back to allow me to remember his voice. I think him being cremated is making it even worse as it not what I would have done but he had always been very clear about wanting to be cremated so I could not go against his wishes x

2 Likes

The awful thing about this Vonny is we’ve all been thrown into this living nightmare with no warning.

My beautiful Wife passed last Thursday, it was so sudden, the last time I saw her alive was as she was being rushed from casualty.

15 minutes later I was called through and put in a relative’s room where I was told that she had gone into cardiac arrest as they were treating her.

I feel your pain too Vonny, even though it has been 6 days the friendship and compassion I have found on here has really helped me.

I will always love my Wife and I will always tell her every single day I love her.

I have to carry on for our Daughter’s sake.

I know it’s going to be a struggle, I’m under no illusions about that.

I woke up this morning and some of her work friends had posted some videos of parties they’d all gone to and to see her dancing and singing made me genuinely smile for the 1st time since.

Take care Vonny, we’ve got your back.

2 Likes

Hello@Vonny36, just me sending you loads of love and positive vibes today. Hold tight, my friend.