Hi everyone. So grateful to have found this support group. My husband passed away at home two weeks ago after a gruelling year battling pancreatic cancer. He had surgery last year- the whipple procedure. We hoped for a full recovery but it had spread . After treatments and hospital stays he came home for his last two weeks and I cared for him with help from hospice at home and medical assistance. I’m so broken as he was my life. We did everything together and I feel so lost. The celebration of his life is next week and I’m so anxious about it. Thank you for reading.
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Hi Jules716
I found this site only at that weekend and brought me comfort immediately! I have very similar situation to you my wife’s wake is Thursday after a long battle with cancer I left work in May to be with her as much as I could and care for her , today has been full of emotions as the funeral is so close hoping after Thursday I can at least venture out locally , I know this isn’t much support but I’m thinking of you ,it should get easier
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Hi @Jules716
I am so sorry for what you are going through it is a incredible hard we are on
My husband died suddenly cardiac arrest 11 months ago .
The first few months are so hard and feeling lost and alone is exactly how I felt when my husband died
For you need to look after yourself , Eat , sleep, and drink . Take it day by day are even hour by hour . Do only what you need to do focus on one thing at a time .
There are some lovely supportive people on here who have really helped me .
I still take it day by day .
I hope you will find this site as helpful as I have .
Look after yourself
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Hi Jules716, so sorry for your loss, I can just imagine how hard all this is for you, I also cared for my husband, and when he passed away in March it just left me completely devastated, its so much for a person to deal with in life. To see our loved ones suffer then to lose them completely. 
..I hope you do have some support around you. And i hope posting here helps you as well, we’re here for you when ever you want to reach out, take care of yourself and God bless you 
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Dear Jules I am sorry to hear about your husband. My wife was given five months to live after receiving a bile duct cancer diagnosis at 58. Fortunately for me she survived almost two years and died on Christmas day. Even having that time to come to terms with the situation when she died the pain was unbearable, it felt as if I was being ripped apart. After spending forty years growing together and becoming one, to have to exist on your own is terrible. With time things do improve, I would say the first three months were the worst but the pain does go bit by bit and we are left with the emptiness of missing such a vital part of ourselves. I hope you have plenty of friends and family around you to lend their support. Look after yourself and allow people to help you. Thinking of you and sending hugs
Wishing you all the strength you will need. All the best Tom
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Thank you all for your heartfelt words and support. I’m sorry that we all have to endure such pain when our loved ones are no longer here. I’m thinking of you all and hope that we can all find comfort in our shared grief. It is right to move moment by moment as we continue without them. I read somewhere that we grieve much because we loved much 
Take care J x
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@Jules716
I’m so sorry for your loss and that you have joined us all here on this difficult path.
I just wanted to reply specifically about your anxiety about the celebration of your husband’s life.
It’s natural to be anxious. I know I was too, I’m the quiet one, he was the socially capable one so doing it without him terrified me. So I just thought I’d highlight things that I realised about that day and that helped me.
It is one of those times when everyone there is on your side and they expect nothing of you, so don’t put any pressure on yourself. One way or another everyone is fragile at funerals/celebrations of life. Many people will just be glad they are not you and may be thinking about other losses of their own as well. One thing that helped me was that I knew everything that was going to happen because I’d done the arrangements, like music, photos and readings etc. So I didn’t get emotionally tripped up by anything unexpected. I just went onto autopilot and it went by in a blur.
Also it is the one time that many of your friends & family will feel comfortable talking about your husband so make the most of that, even if it makes you cry. And don’t feel guilty about laughing either, when people come out with funny stories.
If you feel overwhelmed, try deep breathing exercises and remember it is the same length as any other day, it will pass. Best of luck.
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Jules, I came here 2 weeks after my husband died because I truly thought I was going mad. Very kind people responded to tell me that everything I was experiencing was normal. We still chat daily and each of us has come a long way from those early days.
The first months you will spend in a dense fog. Anxious, scared, sad, depressed, fearful, worried, forgetful, no appetite, sleepless, unable to form sentences or remember names of things or where you put your car keys. You will pace the floor, walk in circles, and lose weight.
This is hour-by-hour time. Feed yourself nutritious food and make yourself eat. You won’t want to cook. Keep chicken salad, green salad, boiled eggs, fresh already cut up fruit in the fridge and eat something 3 times a day.
Find a tray and put it on the kitchen counter which will be where you ALWAYS put your keys, eyeglasses, wallet, receipts, etc. It will save hours of searching.
You have widow brain. It is real and very much like PTSD. You’ve experienced a trauma and your body and brain respond.
Keep a notebook in which you write down telephone numbers, notes to yourself and list things you must do. Do 5 a day. Do five things a day. Make the call, clean the bathroom, put out the trash, shower and toss something that is cluttering a spot.
Five things a day means you will accomplish 35 things in a week, 150 in a month. It helps when everything is so overwhelming and you are at the bottom of the avalanche of responsibilities.
It will be better one day, just not yet. Be kind to yourself.
Much love,
Peaches
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Hi @PeachesDixon
It is coming up to 12 months anniversary in a couple of weeks for me and I really don’t know how I have came this far . I always read your posts the first one was in my early days of grief . Your post have helped me a lot . As I am sure you have helped a lot of others as well .
Your are such a inspiration
Thank You
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Sherbert, my second anniversary is coming up and I have reverted to the fog brain which I know is temporary. But, it is frustrating to be here again.
I was so hoping that by the 2d anniversary, there would be some magical change in my world and I would be more like my old self again. It hasn’t happened. It won’t happen. We have changed. Our world has changed. THE world has changed.
But, I have adapted. I function better. I have accomplished more than I thought possible and I did it hour-by-hour, day-by-day, baby step-by-baby step. Often is is the widow chacha, one step forward 2 back, then to the side and repeat. But, The Rule of Fives still runs my life and I still have the tray and the lists.
It is the only way it works for me. As you know, it is like standing in a tornado that doesn’t pass.
I am sorry your first year anniversary is coming, it will make you sad. Expect it. I will bet if you look back on the earlier days/weeks/months, you will see just how far you have come and how you don’t remember or even know how you survived.
On my first, I thought “well, I made it a year on my own now, I guess I can make another”. It was proof that I survived. You have too.
I don’t even remember most of the first year. I made a long list and read it again and can’t believe I did all of that while exhausted and falling apart at the seams.
Good on you. You are doing okay. You will make it through these most awful days. I have and so do others.
It is a long-playing shit show that no one wants to attend and we are the cast members.
Love,
Peaches
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Hi @PeachesDixon
Thank you for your reply
I am sorry you find yourself in a fog again
I really don’t know how I have got this far
I still take it day by day , and write lists
I hope you sleep well 
I you have brighter days ahead
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