Skip the kneeler and flannel. You told me ages ago that you were bringing a butter pie for me to try. I’ll do you a swap for a Yorkshire Teabag, or some proper parkin. x
Roses are red, Kate. I’m Lancashire :)) x
Oh thank you, thank you all!
I’m sitting here with a very large glass of wine and box of tissues feeling very sorry for myself. It’s been a few months of ups and downs and just when I thought I was getting somewhere ( that means a whole day with just a few tears instead of very ugly crying) my daughter has finally moved out today. I’m really happy for her as she’s been through a rough couple of years but it’s now hit home how lonely I am and how much this was supposed to be OUR time when the kids had left home. We were looking forward to having an “early night” or watching a film together with a bar of chocolate and glass of wine. Now it’s just me and the dog …
Anyway, back to the point of my message. As I always do when I’m feeling down, I check in on this forum and there you all are. It’s obviously important to discuss our feelings and grief but it’s also important to allow ourselves to smile and maybe laugh.
For that I thank you, because your conversation has brought me out of my dark place and made me smile (and also sent me on a hunt for something sweet!!)
Love to all xxx
Couldn’t agree more let’s keep up trying to cheer each other up. Butter Pie sound yummy, never heard of it though. You have made me chuckle so thank you all.
Pat xxxx
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Very well done on the walks, keep it up. As we got older we had a real sense of achievement when we found that the walks actually became easier with time. Unfortunately I have let my membership with the Ramblers go. I don’t really find I can cope with crowds of people yet. I enjoy walking with my dogs though and prefer to be solitary. For a while recently I had to stop the long walks but still managed reasonable ones and becoming fitter again by the day. Walking is a great form of therapy, I can recommend it, even if it’s only for a short walk. The exercise and the beauty of nature all around is wonderful.
Your right no rational explanation for going backwards, very frustrating. I don’t count months, weeks or days, I think this would make it worse. I just keep looking forward and hope for that light.
I will have to try the cold flannel bit.
Pat xxxx
I’m going away in September on an organised trip to the Isle of Arran and it’s for four nights. That will be three consecutive days of long walks, and includes some mountain walking. With that in mind I’m changing the emphasis to more walking up hills. Tomorrow I’m doing Penyghent with two friends and then another tough day on Thursday. I think I’m reaching that point where I’m not suffering the after effects. For me, walking is very therapeutic but the opportunity to chat to different people gives it added value.
I joined a new U3A walking group recently which just walks at weekends. There were many more women than men and most of them were bereaved. I also joined a national group called MeetUp and I’ve signed up for two walks with them with a local group.
I know it’s not for everybody but it seems to work for me.
Strangely, I also enjoy walking alone and I’m lucky to have some great walks directly from home. Sometimes it’s good to have the thinking time and I definitely notice more of my surroundings.
I think we just have to accept going backwards occasionally is part of how it is and not get too down about it. Easy to say!!
A trip to the Isle of Arran sounds fabulous YL. I’ve never been although we nearly had a holiday there some years ago but we chose to go to the Isle of Mull instead. Our children were fairly young and fans of Balamory so no contest really. We had to go around looking for all the relevant properties: Miss Hoolie’ house, PC Plum’s police station, Suzie Sweet’s shop etc. All painted different colours. We even found Archie’s pink castle! Such joy. Happy days hey…xx
Hi YL, Isle of Arran sound lovely. Unfortunately unlike you I just can’t manage being with too many people as yet, perhaps at a later date when I am more in control of my emotions. I love walking but I also love my dogs and hate to have to keep them on leads on group walks. They are obedient and friendly and I feel mean keeping them confined. We did try a group Ramblers Holiday a year or so ago but I hated it. Over sixty people of different walking standards. Not ideal. Some of us broke away to go off on our own for longer walks. That was in Yorkshire. No, I am a loner these days. We used to do the long Ramblers walks but my husband stopped doing them as he said there was no time to enjoy the views around us. Everyone was in such a rush. Keep up the walking your doing so well but remember not too much of the Butter Pie or you won’t be walking anywhere.
Pat
Strangely, I made a decision very early that I needed to be with people. Just four weeks after Carolyn died I attended my first Book Club. I seem to have added something extra almost each month since. The latest is I’ve joined a men’s acapella choir.
Tomorrow is exactly 52 weeks since Carolyn died and Monday will be a calendar year. Looking back I can see that my “strategy” has worked for me but it had to be worked at, in that I had to keep pushing myself. My life is very different to what it was a year ago, but maybe more like it was 10 years ago. At my age I think life is too short to let it trickle away, and we all know how quickly things can change. I’ve shed over two stones and I’m fitter than I have been for years, I think.
I’m a bit worried about the trip to Arran as I’m not sure I can walk three consecutive long days. I’m walking today, tomorrow and Tuesday but need to rest Monday.
Hi I envy you your faith I lost mine when my darling died after a lifetime of belief in a life beyond this one don’t know if I can ever get it back. xx
Hi Bethany, all through my life I’d been in and out of religion, in reality probably not faithful much at all.
When my Rhonda was diagnosed with cancer I was willing to take all the help I could get, I had the hospital chaplains come to her room and pray, went to the chapel at least once a day and placed prayer requests in the box. Rhonda and her mother were both strong believers.
When she died I was angry with God, one stormy night I was on the deck at the back of the house yelling at him, calling him names with my arms raised to the sky telling him to strike me dead if he was real. Then I thought maybe we were being punished for finding true love in a second relationship, we were both married to other people when we got together. Rhonda was a real life angel, a nurse at the same hospital group for thirty years, if God was good he would have taken me not her. I thought her punishment for loving me was to die at just 61 years old and mine would be to live for years and years without her.
I got to thinking that was selfish, if I had died my sweet Rhonda would be going through the same torment I am.
In the weeks that have followed I’ve realized God wanted someone in heaven who had already earned her angel wings on Earth. I’ve had multiple signs that I’m being watched over and I’ve learned that God knows what we need rather than what we want, we don’t have to ask for things when we pray, he knows what is in our hearts.
All I ask for now is strength for me and to allow me to be kind to others.
Ask not what God can do for you, ask what you can do for God is working for me.
In spite of the devastating loss of my soulmate I am born again because my Rhonda made me a much better person.
Prayers and peace to you, Carl.
Bethany I know exactly how you feel. My faith kept me going through Brian’s illness and then I was forced to watch such a good, kind man suffer so much. I begged the Lord to help him. I started praying again by just going into open churches and sitting quietly, trying hard to connect with something, anything. Now I go into these same churches and find myself praying. It has taken time but it is becoming easier. Brian has made contact many times and I am grateful for that.
Take care
Pat
Hi YL, how I applaud you for making every effort to pick up the pieces of life. However I soon came to the opinion that for myself I didn’t need people that much. Saying that I meet up with people every day and quite surprised at the number I walk with and have long chats to. I am just not ready to meet up with groups of people that I probably have nothing in common with and nothing to talk about. I spend time on the allotment with people that have the same interest and believe it or not talking about spuds, cabbages, carrots, beans etc can be quite stimulating when we are all like minded. Last week at the allotment I tried hard to join in with an open day but found myself running for the solitude of my own plot and feeling absolutely shattered. I do join a group once a month. I keep busy generally so not wasting my life and sure something will come along if it’s meant to be.
You will be just fine on Arran, you are determined and will complete those walks even if it kills you, so let us know how you are.
All the best. Pat