At the moment I feel so many regrets
I regret I at times took Jack for granted
I regret I thought we had time in our hands
I regret I thought we had time to do so many things
I regret I took our lives for granted
As I regret I took my life for granted !!
And I so wished I could go back in time and that I could bring Jack back !!!
So today has not been a good day
At the moment I feel so many regrets
Dear Sadie I’m so sorry for your loss . It’s so very hard not to have regrets why didn’t I do this and why didn’t I say that I do it all the time I keep wishing I wake up and has all been a terrible nightmare and my darling is still here if only.
Sending hugs to you
Hi, I lost my partner suddenly 7 weeks ago and totally understand how you feel. I’ve been through the ifs and buts, the what I didn’t do and what I did do., we parted on a row. I can’t change anything but try to focus on the good times. Take care, sending hugs xxx
Jenn, a very nice friend of mine said to me
“Listen you were not a perfect wife
Jack wasn’t a perfect husband and you had a loving marriage”
We are human ! And been human means we are not perfect
So true, just very hard and still early days
I used to moan about my hubby Roger to my sisters about how he didn’t do much round the house, but oh how I would give anything to have him sitting in his battered old armchair with his feet up reading his books or watching sport on tele, I sure wouldn’t moan about him again , mind you my two sister still moan about there hubby I just sit there and cry inside. Linda x
My Jay was only 44, dropped with a heart attack, i work in the medical profession and am so guilty that didn’t see anything leading up to it that I maybe could’ve prevented. He was the love of my life and miss him terribly.
Take care, life is just so cruel at times xx
My 50 year old husband went out for a run, collapsed and died. We are still waiting for the report so we don’t know why but I keep thinking what did I miss, why didn’t I stop him going etc. It doesn’t help having to wait 4+ months to find out why. It is so hard.
Totally get it, we know it was his heart but still waiting on final coroners report which they said could take 3-5 months. Life will never be the same, each day brings variety of emotions but nothing is going to bring him back, miss him so much. Take care
Dear Jenn and Linda
It is best not to think about signs we have missed - there are times I also think have I missed any signs? What could I have done differently? Jack was very healthy until we found out he was very il and he died 4 months after diagnosis
I believe that we are unable to see signs that things aren’t going well
Lovely Linda - of course we moan about our husband - little things can be annoying - I do regret I wasn’t grown up enough to let the unimportant stuff pass
But I loved him as imperfect as he was and he loved me as imperfect as I am
The trouble is, I fear that it will link it back to COVID that he had last November. I caught COVID at work and passed it on to him - he didn’t go anywhere - which would mean that I started the chain that took away our futures and I don’t know how to come to terms with that if that’s what the report says.
Its best not to think about it until you get the report, there could be many other things and worrying won’t help you - listen to me need to take a dose of my own medicine as worry about everything. One day at a time and with the covid pandemic its so hard to avoid as its everywhere, affecting people in different ways, I’ve saw that 1st hand in work, small steps xx
Hi Sadie, I am so sorry for your loss and for the regrets that you feel. Speaking as a man who lost his wife, I am so grateful that Joyce gave me so many opportunities to show her how much I loved her. At times, she may have taken me for granted, but I am so pleased that she felt so comfortable with me to take advantage every now and then, because that’s what love is all about. Picking up the slack when your partner just needs that extra bit of help. So please don’t feel guilty because every time your husband did something for you he was showing you how much he loved you and probably was grateful to you for giving him the extra opportunity.
Best wishes Sadie.
Your words were very nice and I know you are right - Jack was a loving kind man
And yes, he would understand
I think the regret is mainly because I thought we had forever more and I didn’t realised that life could pass so quickly
Sadie, I hear you and echo your words. I too will repeat them till the day I die. It’s what we do. What else can we do? One day at a time say the words that you w ish you had said. Have that conversation and believe you are heard. Take care.
I’m. Sorry to all of you for your loss. My wife passed away in April. I knew it was coming because of her illness but we thought we had a few years not a few weeks. Like you I have so many regrets and there destroying me thinking about them. Could I have done more or said more? We we’re together over 40 years and 99% was absolutely wonderful, Why am I only thinking about that 1%. I wish I could turn the clock back. I keep being told to think of all the good times. I wish someone would tell me how to do that?
Reading all your messages on this site keeps me going x
I think we do it because we wished everything to be perfect and because we are human we aren’t perfect - as Jack wasn’t perfect as your wife wasn’t perfect .I think also we feel regret because we feel that if we had been nicer, more patient , loving and understanding our loved ones would still be here
I just read a book that have this very wonderful se ter:
“Without suffering and death there is no life “
Thanks for your message Sadie. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry your having the same sad thoughts as me. We need to take it a day at a time and maybe even an hour at a time. I’m sat here now planning how I’m going to get through tomorrow. Maybe I should wait and see what tomorrow brings.
In the early days after my husbands death it felt like i was going mad, all I could about was any argument that we had & the spiteful things I’d said in the heat of the moment, that was all i could focus on, not all the happy times, not the fact that I had stepped up when he became ill & cared for him through thick & thin until the end.
In the end I sought counselling, she explained that lots of people feel like this, it’s to do with your brain not being able to make sense of the death & in doing so switch’s to its logical side in that it would make sense if we can punish ourselves, if we had been a better person etc…
If you are close within a marriage both parties can argue freely knowing the loving bond cant be broken, only people that were extremely close feel the shock & regret & sometimes turn that on themselves as punishment.
It made sense to me so I hope I’ve explained it so you understand it too.
Hi I also lost my partner suddenly 7 weeks ago every day a struggle . I think its just trying to find what works for you best… which I carnt seem to do everyone seems busy with there own lifes … people keep saying life goes on and he wunt want you to be sad but that’s what I am and carnt shake the feeling miss him so much … take care x