Regrets

Since having my beloved husband taken away from me, there is one thing that really upsets me. When lockdown made us stay indoors, we decided we would try something new and we discovered Adult colouring. I bought several books of designs and loads of coloured pencils and we loved it. Tony was especially good at it. He always had paid attention to detail, although he wasn’t pernickety. He started a page of leaves and he coloured some of them in the most amazing combinations of colours - truly beautiful. I said that when it was finished, I would like to frame it. What breaks my heart every time I look at it is that he was only halfway through it when he died and now he will never finish it. That reminded me that there are so many other plans he had that he won’t now do and I feel so sad for him. He was a man who would have done anything for anyone, but no-one can do anything for him now. How do other men, who in some cases are not nice people, live into their 90 s and he couldn’t? Life is so hard sometimes. I just want to give him a hug and smell his beautiful clean smell and I can’t stop crying for him. I so regret that he can’t carry out his plans.

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Hi Ann, so sorry to hear about your loss. It is very sad that he was unable to finish the picture, could you not finish it and put it up? It’d be a joint effort from both of you, and each time you look at it, you could be proud that your love of your husband led you to finish it for him.

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Thank you so much for those kind words. Yes, I wanted to do that but whenever I pick up any of his pencils, I dissolve into tears. Maybe if I get to the stage where I can cope with his death, I might do, but from where I am at the moment, that day will be an eternity coming.

That is totally understandable, because that is something your husband would have done and so it triggers you into overwhelming grief, just keep posting here as it does help.

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