Relationships break down after death.

Hey guys. I’m still quite new here. Still finding my way around and taking in peoples stories and journeys on their grief.

Just a general question really. Did any of you guys find that other relationships you had, broke down massively after the death of a loved one?

For example me and my mum have always been SUPER close. We spent so much time together that we acted more like friends than we did mother and daughter. People always commented on how they loved the relationship we had.

Sadly since my dad passed we’ve spent less and less time together. Phonecalls, messages and our regular outings have become less and less. We bicker quite alot, we can never really agree on much anymore and because our personalities clash sometimes, when expressing our feelings it always ends in an argument. How did you ever address a situation like this? Does it get better? I’d hate to look at her as just my mum when I’ve always had her as a bestfriend too. It just seems impossible at the moment to find any common ground with one another without clawing at each others throats.


1 Like

@Leesh_93, I’m so sorry for for lose. Your mum’s whole world has changed since your dad died she is probably finding it extremely hard to adjust to a new life without her husband. All sorts of emotions are going on.
You are still grieving too, a big part of both of your lives has changed for ever. Keep reaching out to her you both need each other.
You can never tell how a loss will effect you all, when my husband died, we all became closer than before. I think our children think they have to look after me now their dad has gone. I’m sure if you could ask our children they would probably say I had changed too.
Sending love, Debbie X

Dear Leesh

I’m sorry you are feeling so lost. Relationships do change with the death of someone close and it can work both ways. Debbie’s response was I’m sure very helpful and I would just like to add a thought of my own.

The closeness with your mum is failing now, as I see it, because neither of you can help each other with the pain of loss and because you are angry, both of you, at losing the man who meant so much to your family.

Your Mum has nowhere to go with her grief. Even though you are used to being there for each other, I think the rows stem from each wanting comfort from the other, which neither of you can give.

All you can do is to change how you approach this, perhaps decide to put your Mum’s anguish first; she needs you desperately so try to see it from her point of view.

I hope you have a partner or close friend or another member of the family who can be there for you when she can’t. This will heal, but give it time.

May I also suggest you look at - Grief Self Help platform which talks about some of the feelings that you’re experiencing. You can find it here: 3

We also offer free online counselling if this is something you might want to explore. You can register here: [

with affection


1 Like

I think you maybe both need a heart to heart with each other. Your not angry with each other. You have both lost a very important family member. You your father and your mum her husband.

Anger is just getting in the way and making you behave like different people. Your mums still in there and so are you. When you go and see her tell her how much you love her and tell her your missing your best friend. It might be hard but she needs to hear those words.

1 Like