My dad who was 85 died suddenly 2 months ago.He was ambulanced to hospital with possible sepsis/UTI and they were concerned about his heart.I saw him in resus and they were happy he was stable.Just as he was moved to the ward and right in front of me he vomited suddenly and died.It looks like a massive cardiac event but given his age no post mortem was done.It was all very dramatic and a nurse was present trying to suction him but seemed clueless as to what to and by the time the doctor arrived he was gone.He was not a candidate for resuscitation in any event given his age and comorbidities.He went very quickly,which is some relief, in the space of minutes, but I keep reliving his face,wondering if he knew I was there and wondering if there was anything I could have done.The guilt is eating me.
It’s only a few months ago but really it doesn’t seem to be getting any better and I’m crying endlessly.
Anyone have similar experience and/or advice on how to cope?I am worried I will be left like his forever.I miss him so much but it is compounded by my guilt and the way he died:(