Reliving this nightmare!

Saturday morning! 15 weeks today since my world came crashing down.
I relive the events of that horrible day every week.
We got out of bed as normal, had our breakfast as normal and chatted about the day ahead, we had a lot to do, Pete was going to spend the afternoon cutting hedges and tiding his parents garden, so he stretched of for his jog and I got the dogs ready and put them in the car to take them to the beach for a walk.
Pete was stood in the hall as I drove out and he said “Love you” to which I replied " love you right back".
That was the last time I saw him until he was in his coffin.
I came home and turned the TV on, then I heard the gate open, but when I saw 2 police men at the door I just knew it was bad news.
Pete had been found collapsed on the road and could not be resuscitated.
I will never get over the shock and I suppose I’ll have to relive it for the rest of my life.
I miss him so very much and feel like my life ended that day too.


Its just a moment in time but catastrophic as it changes your life forever, we were the same both got up for work as usual by midday my whole world had changed my husband was told he had a mass and eight long suffering weeks later he died in such a flurry of crisis intervention we never had a chance to say goodbye to each other, now seven months later I have too much time to think about it all and the rollercoaster of emotions for me and my family, I’m sorry for your loss but know that you’re not alone we’re all here with you walking the same heartbreaking road xx


Such a terrible shock for you. Such heartbreak. We feel your pain of losing a beloved husband, we honestly understand how utterly life changing it is.
Thinking of you
Janey xx


Hi everyone.
My life ended on May 24th 2017 ( the same day that my mum had died suddenly several years previously.) Ron had been to the hospital for a routine CT scan and picked me up after work. He told me that the nurse had run after him when he left hospital and handed him results of the scan which he had put in the glove compartment of the car.
He didn’t look unduly worried as he didn’t fully understand it so I read it myself. It said he had suspected pancreatic andicarcinoma which I knew meant cancer. My world ended on the spot. He had never been ill, just feeling full.
We waited two weeks for a proper diagnosis and then my world changed forever. The cancer was confirmed and my darling husband began weeks of chemo and finally an operation,and I lived in limbo knowing that the prognosis was not good.
We never talked about him dying. We never ever thought he would not get better even though I saw the weight slowly drop off him and the energy drain from his body.
He passed away from sepsis as a result of his weakened body and I had to face a new world without my darling husband. I have never recovered since the shock of knowing my husband had cancer and finding out because the hospital gave him the scan results on a piece of paper to take home. I am now a different person living a different life. I never thought my previous life would end as it did.
I know exactly how you all feel. It is a nightmare we never recover from. Xx


Hi Angiejo2,
I’m so sorry for you, what a dreadful way for you to find out about your husbands cancer, so traumatic.
My partner passed very suddenly and my world ended on November 13th 2021.
Its so hard to lose the love of your life, and when you have that special bond you really do feel like you died too, it’s so difficult for anyone who’s not been through it to understand just how deep it cuts.
I hate this different life and struggle to get through every day.
Pete used to say how lucky we were to have found each other and the he wished we could bottle our feelings and give some to others as a gift, it’s such a wonderful feeling to find that one.
We only got 5 years together and I feel completely robbed.
Sending you a hug.


Hi Muldool.
I am so sorry for your loss too. I guess we never know when our lives are about to end, albeit that we still have an existence of sorts.
I still can’t believe that my Ron has gone although it is 3 and a half years. He was just so full of life and fit and tanned. We had been on a fantastic holiday just months before he was diagnosed. No one in either of our families had died of this type of cancer. I just feel we were given a short straw. I keep looking at our holiday photo’s and can’t believe that in such a short space of time my husband could have lost 4st in weight and look so skeletal. It must be even more of a shock to loose someone unexpectedly as you did. Somehow and I don’t know HOW, we just have to soldier on.

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