Resentful and frustrated

Hi
I lost my Mum nearly 3 years ago just 2 months after my Wedding at only 61. She had only been diagnosed with mesothelioma about 1 month before. I knew how serious it was when the doctor was finally able to tell us. They had never seen it before.
The loss is still hard to believe. I actually feel more sad about what she has missed out on as my Mum brought me and my Sister up and we were very close. My Sister has 3 daughter’s and I had a daughter last year.
To add another life changing event to the mix: we’ve just bought a house but we’ve been living with my wife’s Mum and Dad for the past 3 months and I’m feeling trapped. I feel that they are always questionning me and controlling me. I do feel alone as my Mum would have said the right things to make me better. This is where the resentment comes in. Does this make sense? I don’t know if it’s just me.
My wife doesn’t understand that I don’t like being questioned by her Dad in my own house. I feel I have no control anymore of my actions.
I did read that someone else on here said she knows she can talk to her husband but doesn’t want answers she wants. I feel that.
Sorry for the long post but it already seems to help.
Any thoughts?

Hi Dave,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry that you’ve lost your mum. It makes sense for grief to return with more intensity on significant occasions such as buying a house, and for you to miss her support at stressful times. Living with your in-laws sounds like a stressful experience - is this a temporary situation?

It sounds as though you could benefit from having an outlet for your feelings - perhaps if you have somewhere to vent your frustration, it might help you to try to address your issues with your in-laws calmly and try to find a resolution.

I hope that writing things down here was a good start. Have you had any bereavement support since losing your mum? Some people find it helpful to talk things through with a neutral person such as a counsellor - perhaps this could be something to consider as well?

Hi Priscilla
Thanks for your reply. Although I’ve been living with my in laws since 30th June, it is only temporary until our new house is ready. Needs must when you need to sell up.
Just writing my post has been quite cathartic. Counselling could be something I may well do but I feel much more secure, from responding to others; that my feelings are normal. Well, normal if you are grieving that is.
It’s testament to my wonderful Mum that I am able to counsel myself, if that makes sense? I’ll still be angry but I can control it.
I appreciate your time and care.

I’m glad that writing it down here has helped a bit. Good luck with the move, I hope you get into the new place soon!

Hi Priscilla. It’s been a while since I replied to but thought I’d update you. We got into our house last November and we had our first Christmas in our new family home. Whilst it was not what I wanted (with my Sister), it was nice. I have had a few dark moments which I must admit is probably depression but my daughter lightens my day’s. She recognises my Mum’s photographs when I ask her where is Nanna Jules. Reading the posts on here and replying is still helping me.

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