I have resolved never to wish anyone a happy new year ever again, it grates on my ears and makes me want to return obscenities in response.
I was at one time determined not to see 2020 yet here I am, December 31st, alone, drinking brandy, wishing I was dead. Not unusual I wish and pray for death every day. I know in my heart death should not come by my own hand but the thoughts enter my head almost every day. The only thing really preventing me taking my own life is the possibility my sweetheart will not forgive me and I’ll spend eternity alone. The last nine months without her already seem like eternity. God took her and left me for a reason, the words in a song say “God’s garden must be beautiful because he only picks the best” play over in my head. She had earned her wings by being a nurse for 30 years so God took her when she was only 61. I still have to earn mine to join her again. I’m trying my hardest.
I’m sitting here, crying, drinking, I don’t even know what I want to say other than it isn’t a happy new year.
I do want to thank everyone who has been kind to me over the last few months and in this unhappy year to come I wish you a peaceful and blessed 2020.
Take care and God bless you.

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…i am the same, minus the drinking of brandy…I have not been in the Christmas spirit, ( no pun intended ) just by myself not through choice just by circumstances, nor am i in the wishing anybody the h**** n** y***, cant bring myself to say it…nor any resolutions, whats the point…i too have cried each and every day for the past coming up to nine months ( seems just like yesterday ) over the sudden and unexpected loss of my Richard aged 74, 11th April…he would have been 75 in two weeks time…

Jackie…sending a much needed (( hug ))

Going to bed very shortly. Feel the same it’s a new year not a happy one.
Christine x

I remember my last birthday in March, my 68th, yes we went to see the famous Psychic Sally, well we - she, never saw his sudden death coming 20 days later…