Thank you. I only lost my husband 10 days ago so I think I am still in shock - I cannot quite believe it. We are organising the funeral and I so want to get it right and it be a celebration of his life. I am therefore getting on with the practical things - it really helps but know there is going to be a time when it would normally just be us two and I am dreading that. I still work four days a week and know I will need to go back but the thought worries me - I will cope but cannot think how yet. He was only 20 when we met - so we had 40 years together. I nearly lost him 23 years ago - but we had so many plans. An extension for a downstairs bathroom to future proof our home when we could not manage the stairs, a cruise booked in September. I have not cancelled that yet - but do not know if I am going to be brave enough to do it on my own. My daughter has said she will come with me but I guess it is early days yet. Everyone has different circumstances and copes in different ways - but your post is full of love and hope and was very comforting. Whilst his death was sudden - I am thankful that it was not long and painful as so many on this site have had to watch their loved ones suffer. I did not get to say goodbye - but talk to him and cannot take his watch off.
Today I have to deliver clothes to the undertaker - am dreading that. Cannot let his favourite stuff go - need to keep that under my pillow for a while. Thank you again for a lovely post.
Hi I am so sorry for your loss itâs utterly devastating yes itâs very hard having to take the clothes to the chapel of rest your in my thoughts and prayers keep his watch close my Edwards Is still here i didnât want it on him he loved it you will be in my thoughts in these extremely heartbreaking times Adele x
Hello Trisha, so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in November after a lengthy illness but the last months were horrendous and I sometimes wish he could have gone quicker, as my father did with a heart attack. Donât know if Iâm wishing this for me or him though as remembering him suffering will not leave my thoughts. Your husbands funeral is what I had for my husband, a celebration of HIS life. He sang for us and this helped me as I was so proud of him. In a sort of dream yes. Afterwards is another story, when reality hits us. Your work will,I am sure help you. If you feel you can do the cruise then do so. My husband wanted me to go back to the Greek Island we went to often to walk. I couldnât face it yet and doubt I ever will but I am keeping an open mind for the time being.
Only today I had a battery put in Brianâs watch. I put it on the day he died but it stopped this week.
The clothes I gave the undertaker were Brianâs working clothes he wore at the allotment. Donât know what they thought, fortunately clothes was clean, well as clean as you get working clothes.
Do everything in your own time. Some take months and years others straight away. I was the latter but I didnât feel I needed clothes to remind me of him. He was a painter and I have his paintings all over the house, even in the bathroom. I have his photographs, looking strong and fit not as the C left him on every wall. I write to him every day and talk to him all the time, he is as part of my life as he ever was. I dance with him, sing along with him (have CDâs of him singing with the band). I tell him we will get through this and be happy again. I will learn to remember him with love and happiness and not pain. Good luck to you Pat xxx
Dear Pat
Thank you so much for your reply. I understand about the watch - I am wearing my husbandâs too and find myself just holding it a lot and i put it on the night he died. Tonight I got upset looking at the room he used for music. It was his den and resulted from us changing things round a couple of years ago. So like your Brian he was a musician and we are lucky enough to have videos and recordings - but they are so painful I cannot watch or listen yet. We gave the undertaker jeans, a shirt and a guitar strap and plectrum. My son was good enough to do that for me. We shall see about the cruise nearer the time - one minute I think I can and they next I am not so sure. I have found your message very encouraging - I do so appreciate you telling me how you have coped - I think I will do the same and do things quickly -but maybe not all of it. I have his guitars and music and he was a terrible hoarder. I will not do it all at once though and will keep his jeans and the last shirt he was wearing which is still under my pillow. Daft I know. I cried at some marbles tonight that were from a cracker last christmas and the memory mixed with the thought of the next one to come without him was hard. I am sure I am the same as everyone else - I still cannot believe he is not coming back.
You are right - he probably did not suffer at all - so i do feel for you that you had to watch you husband in so much pain. Life really is not fair is it. I hope you will remember your husband not in pain and remember instead the happy times - but it must be so so hard. But it sounds like you had an amazing journey with him full of life and laughter. I feel grateful for having a kind, funny, loyal and talented husband for as long as I did⌠I just wanted a bit more of that.
Thank you.
Take care
Trish