This weekend my cousin got married.
It was the first time I’d seen my dad’s side of the family since he passed away 4 months ago.
The family had all seen eachother at the funeral but due to conflict with my dad’s partner I was banned from attending.
Everyone tiptoed around me. There was no mention of dad in the beginning and due to what I’m assuming was gossip people didn’t want to ask how I was as I’ve had a hellish time over the past two years, I’d gone through a divorce, health issues, lost my job and then lost dad. My mental health has been absolutely terrible and I feel like the family just didn’t want to open that can of worms so it was easier to avoid me.
This was until old family friends who hadn’t been told of dad’s passing asked me how he was doing. Luckily an aunt was sat among the conversation and broke the news he’d passed but it was all too much for me so I took myself off to a quiet corner and hid. I wanted to hide forever.
I guess I just really now feel the injustice of not going to the funeral, I’ve not had that opportunity to sit and reminisce on stories about my dad. I’ve not heard other people’s treasured memories. I’ve just been left alone in my grief. I always thought berievement would pull family closer. Maybe it has for the rest of my family, but for me, I’m even more of an outsider now.