I’m laying in bed tears rolling down my face listening to the parties and fireworks going on outside and all I want is my soulmate roger here with me,
This time last year we were so happy waiting for our third grandchild due on new year’s day she kept us waiting till the 13th roger was so proud of her
Little did we know in six months time little evie would lose her grandad life is so cruel
So sod the new year my heart is broken and it will never mend 50 years we had together and I know that’s more then some get but the thought of the years to come without him is just too hard I really want to be with him now
Take care linda
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Hi Linda
This is my third New Year without Clive.
I’ve just drunk a glass of his favourite wine in his memory and am listening to all the fireworks outside feeling utterly miserable and alone. I’m trying to move forward and build a life but days like these make me feel that I’m right back at the beginning again, so full of grief and pain that it’s unbearable. In moments like this it all just crushes me.
Right, off to bed and hope that, in the morning I can screw my mask back on good and tight and make it through another day.
I’ll be thinking of you, and all of us . Here’s hoping that the new year will bring us the strength to carry on and the ability to find some tranquillity, even some moments of happiness.
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Linda, I send you a big hug and I understand how you feel and I feel similar to you although I didn’t go to bed and watched the fireworks
Sending you love
Sadie
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I thought I would get through New Year’s Eve.How wrong I was.I have never cried so much as I did in bed last night.It hits you when you least expect it.I know I only lost Rob 7 weeks ago and I even got through Christmas OK.I’m now making plans to visit my daughter and Grandson in a few months,if I can find my confidence to travel in and out of London.I’ve never been anywhere without him before and I’m scared.
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I really did cry myself to sleep last night this pain we are all going through is something you cant explain to someone who hasn’t gone through it, I have lost family members over the years but losing my husband has torn me to bits I cant cope , went round my sister in laws today and broke down just before I went but as we all do I put on my brave face got through it and just broke down again when I got home, did wait till my son had gone to his room cant upset him again
Take care everyone thank you for your replies they do help xxx
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Sending you a hug jill 7 weeks is not long but must feel like forever to you, hope you managed to travel to London I don’t drive so my husband drove me anywhere I wanted to go it’s so hard going anywhere without them isn’t it , guess your pillows were as wet with tears as mine were
Take care xxxlinda
This is the first new year on my own. I have not seen anybody all day. It has been so tough December and Christmas and now New Year.
I hate this new life. I lost my husband in April last year when all the blossom was on the trees at the hospice. Now the it is the start of a new year it is sinking in that I will not see him again (not in this lifetime) I hope I will be reunited with him again one day. The first few months I was in shock. Now I seem to cry more then ever. I am having counseling which does help. I will be glad when all the holidays are over and things get back to some normality.
Take care everyone!
Anne
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We all need normality in our lives now,whatever that is.It still won’t sink in that he’s not coming back.It’s like your worst nightmare and one day you will wake up and he’s still there beside you.I don’t like this new life I have to create for myself.I’ve never been alone before. x
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Hello Jill
I still cannot accept that my husband is not coming back either. Today it hit hard again - like one of those big waves that roll in and sweep you off your feet. I don’t want to believe this is forever so I keep going by imagining my husband in another room - but today was bad. Maybe it is the new year, I don’t know. Like most people I don’t know how to figure out this new life without him - so I try not to think about it - just do it a little at a time. Take care - it is still so new for you. xxx
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I was the same Jill new year’s eve was hell 
I too lost the love of my life 7 weeks ago. I think it was worse at new year as we always went out with friends to celebrate but I wanted to be alone. It was the thought of a new year starting with out my beloved Colin by my side that crucified me, how are we going to get through it I don’t know. I am sure going to visit your daughter and grandson will be good for you but I know the trepidation you must feel of going on your own without Rob. I have started driving again after 30 years and it scares the pants off me but I live in a wee coastal village so need to be able to get around. Who would ever think we would be in this position 
We never discussed death but I know Rob was scared of me going first because he was disabled,he could not care for himself.He could just about make a hot drink.He was always making sure I had a mammogram,smear tests and flu jabs and worried if I was feeling poorly.I told him he fussed too much but he did it because he loved me,I know that now.
I lost my husband in October and we were together nearly 51 years, meeting when we were 16. I cannot believe how lonely I feel, especially with Christmas when everyone was out celebrating, I just made sure I didn’t watch anything to do with Christmas and ended up watching documentaries. I at a loss without him as even though people tell me I am doing so well I know I am not. I have decided to get myself a dog, I have a cat but we put off getting a dog as we went away a lot. I am looking forward to getting the dog as i will go for long walks and were i live there is dog walking groups which will help me to be with other people and obviously the exercise will do me good. I do like you have especially at night in bed I start to cry as I have this terrible feeling of longing as I loved him so much and I cannot think anyone could measure up to him.
Dear Jill and all who have replied.
I lost my husband also last April after almost 41yrs of marriage to. Although I have wonderful sons and grandchildren . It was my first Christmas without him.Ive kept busy and had lots of company but the tears have flowed. As you say it’s when you’re on your own you feel so lonely. I just miss him so much.I know there are so many of you out there who feel the same as me and I’m thinking of you all.Im retiring in April and have a new grandchild to look forward to .It gives me comfort to think his with me all the time.But as you all say it doesn’t take the terrible grief away. Hope each day will make us stronger.God bless you all.Jeanette.x
We also never discussed death and I wished we had - but when Jack was ill I just couldn’t talk about death and I think he didn’t talk about it not to upset me.
They the Macmillan nurses are supposed to guide you and support but they were completely useless
Sadie x
Hi Sadie, we was exactly the same as you and Jack. We talked about what we would do when Brian got well. I think he knew but neither of us wanted to talk about it and I know he wouldn’t want to upset me. I wanted to remain positive and I didn’t want people coming to the house to see him and talking doom and gloom, we certainly wasn’t. The only thing he did say was that he would look after me always and would I please take him out walking with me.
Agree, I had no joy with the Macmillan nurses. Took them a week to ring me back after contacting them. Didn’t seem interested. What use was that. He was introduced to a Macmillan nurse when first diagnosed but we never heard from them again.
Pat xxx
Hi Pat - listening to you comforts me - I feel better knowing that you also didn’t speak about death but I wished I did
At the moment I am in Brazil visiting family -1st time I am back without Jack since we got married. In many ways it is quite healing - going places we been before been able to cry with my family. I have an aunt that became a widow 30 years ago and it has s good d talking and crying with her . I came with my son and this is also precious time I will be spending with him
Please keep writing
Sadie xx
Hi Sadie, I do so admire those like you that get off their backsides and make that effort. We travelled a lot but I just can’t face it, haven’t even been off the Island since losing Brian. I can’t really go away now as I have my dogs to think about and don’t want them to think that their Mum has left them also. Perhaps this is just an excuse… I must admit that I hated flying and the airports. I felt I was suffocating on the planes and hated the crowds at the airports but I put up with it. Without Brian by my side I just can’t imagine doing it alone and non of my family fly except my daughter who lives in Spain.
Have a nice time
Pat xx
Hiya Pat, like you my Husband and I travelled a lot but I also cant face it without him by my side. I would just spend the time wishing he was with me. I have a wee yorkie who I refuse to leave at the moment as well. She is confused enough as to where her beloved Dad has gone can you imagine if I left her as well even if it was for a short time. It is her wee face that gets me out of bed in the mornings. We always had our main holiday then went on a doggie holiday taking Daisy with us to a Dog friendly hotel or lodge somewhere so I may consider that later on when I am functioning normally again (If that ever happens)
V x
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I know it’s the love of our dogs that keep us going, mine certainly get me out of bed in the morning. I found Beepa in a Dog Pound having been picked up off the streets and I remember how stressed she was when she was released from the cage at the pound so there is no way I could put her in kennels, can’t imagine what it would do to her little mind. Yes I might try something later on but not now,
Pat xxx
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Aw bless her no you certainly can’t put her in kennels. We had a house sitter who stayed and watched Daisy keeping her in her own environment which helped greatly. At the moment a holiday is the last thing I am thinking about I just want to spend time with my fur baby and get her into a routine without her Dad who she adored. At first she would run out the door looking for him which broke my heart but 8 weeks down the line she has adjusted quite well to life without him, only wish I could
V x