Sad, anxious, empty. I miss you

I lost both of my grandfathers in the space of 16 months. The first, he passed away due to covid and he had been battling lung cancer for 5 years, this was in May2020 when the pandemic was in full force and we as a small family didn’t get to spend his final moments together- due to the rules. He died alone in hospital and I was crushed. A few weeks later I started a new job as an OT on covid wards and worked all the way through, not sure if I actually processed this death and accepted what was.
I lost my second grandfather Sep 2021, he was diagnosed in July 2021 with lung cancer & liver mets. Myself, my Stephan, mum nursed him at home, right up until his final days. He died in the comfort of his home. He was a brave and strong man who refused treatment and hardly spoke of the inevitable. He was passed treatment phase anyway.
I have never had a stable father figure in my life and these two filled that. Especially my recent grandfather. I feel empty and lost and if I’ll ever feel happy again. I am currently off work , but have a plan to head back to work as I feel I need structure. I cry every day, I miss them every moment and I feel like I do not know if I’ll ever be happy.
I’m anxious and depressed and I just want to be able to cope better. If anyone can help me with ways I can cope with this emptiness, I’d be truly grateful.

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Dear @Jodes89

Welcome to the Community. I so sorry to hear of your loss. You have had a difficult couple of years.

I see who are off work and plan to go back. Have you talked to your GP as to how you are feeling and as to how they can support you back to work when you are ready.

There is an NHS organisation that you might like to try contacting. They are called Let’s Talk who help and support people who are stressed, anxious or depressed.

Please do not feel you are alone and continue to reach out. Take care.